my lifes opening act / the will to get there

well, i have broken some cardinal rules, and for that, i apologize. first off, i left cambridge the other night. i was there for one night after spending one night in salem, for the witches, you know. being in cambridge was odd. i quickly remembered a bit about being there before and found my starting point. that favorite restaurant that we frequented, the pu-pu hot pot. i saw it and parked.

the pu pu!

from there it was just a matter of time before things came back. i walked up mass ave and saw the little club that i had the opportunity to see billy bragg at in 2004. i didnt see him that time, i didnt see him when i had the chance in 2003 either. i love billy bragg, but each time were in activist situations and there were other things.

in 2003, in miami, it was the night before the "start" of the protests. (i put that in quotes becasue many of us there had been protesting for weeks, but this was the eve of the mass demonstrations.) there, we stayed to watch dead prez but left to prepare and rest before billy bragg came on. in 2004 billy bragg was playing a show to support the black tea society, my friend evan was opening, and was able to get a number of us in to see the show. but not enough of us. instead of breaking up and some seeing the show and some not we decided to just not go.

looking back, i wouldve liked to have seen him perform at least once, especially since i had such great opportunities. anyway. from that little club i knew i was close to the house that we stayed at. of course, i had no idea where it really was, i probably never did. i just knew to get off the t and then walk to blocks and turn. or something of the sort. this time, i let my legs and my memory guide.

as evidenced in prior comments my memory of 2004 isnt the greatest. i walked around for awhile looking for the things i knew about the place. near the house was a little park, i remember this clearly because this was where i became friends with the snitch anna. a few of us had left the house and went out to walk around, we fond this little park and sat there talking for awhile. some people smoked pot, she was one of them, i didnt. a person from the neighborhood came and chatted with us for awhile and i just remember it being a really good evening.

the other thing i knew about the house was that it had a peace sign laid in stone in the driveway, i remember this because the landlord was putting it in while we were there and i talked to him about it specifically. so, those were my marks, i recalled some of the street names, but not with any authority that i could trust. because many of them looked familiar. eventually i did find the little playground, much changed from my memory, and just a few houses up from there, the peace sign laid in a driveway looking like it had been there forever.

and next to it was the house. the flop house for the black tea society and dnc 2 rnc march organizers. i doubt that it isnt anything like that now, at least it gave no appearance to be inhabited by activists (you know, ratty garden, bikes and bike parts laying around, outdoor furniture, some kind of flag that depicted the inhabitants disgust with the american empire, you know). i dont know why it meant something to go there, because i dont remember much of it, i dont even think i knew the poeple that actually lived there well.

and by that i mean that while i was there in 2004 i wouldve had a hard time addressing them by name or picking them out of a group. after that i walked to where food not bombs served, but they werent there then. i guess things change.

then i had other things to worry about. something that i havent been putting in writing, because i hadnt known how to handle it in real life, so why put anything down? this is my memory after all. while i was in maine, a young woman propositioned me on the online dating site okcupid.com. now, i am sure i have written it before, i love using online dating sites. i have a partner and am not looking for love, but i like them anyway, i have been on this particular one for nearly 10 years (in various forms). i like trying to know who a person is from a few questions and an essay. i would love being the person in a job who merely screens resumes. i do want to note that, in the 10 plus years i have been on dating sites, i have only met two people from them. both from this site, one was completely random years after we had exchanged notes on the website and the other was on this trip. i guess i am a prude.

moving on, this girl was 19 years old and saw my profile on there. she sent me a mail and asked if i would take her with me. that was an interesting proposition and i considered it. this was before i had randomly run into garrett and i was sorely missing human interaction. on top of that i had recently learned that the people i wanted to see in boston would not be there when i was. so it was an added dismay. we exchanged some mails and i was optimistic, i told her she could come with me, if we got along okay.

she gave me her number and i called her. i ran the scenario by some friends of mine and got mixed responses. but, overwhelmingly, i was counseled to at least meet her. i hate confrontation, add that to the terror i feel about meeting people, i was wrestling with the idea of calling her, let alone actually meeting a person. so, i guess i led her on a bit. i asked some questions, and she didnt give great answers.

at 19, she recently graduated high school and had never traveled before, she wanted this to be her first experience. she didnt have any money or other thing to offer to the well being of the trip. she wanted to go to places and spange for money. she spent much of her time hanging out in harvard square with traveler kids and street punks. specifically the type of people i am trying not to associate myself with on this adventure. mostly, at least. i have no love lost for these folks but my mindset isnt just getting through the day it is of experience and travel, moving and finding myself.

it seemed like this person might be a step backward, especially if she couldnt support herself. at night, in my truck, i would try to imagine sharing the space with another person. the space is cramped with my belongings, i have so many. when making food in there, i can only cook for one. and sleeping in there, especially in this cold, there just didnt seem to be enough room. i was slowly convincing myself to just say no. but it wasnt that easy.

when i got to cambridge i called her. she had just left somewhere to get drunk and advised me to do the same. after driving around for almost an hour looking for a place i could park for the night (permit parking only, everywhere) i took up her advice. because, if she came with, this might be how it is. i got out my fresh bottle of whiskey and a cold beer (thats one nice thing about the weather, no more warm beer) and drank. about five shots of whiskey and two beers. i wasnt piss drunk, but happily drunk. i certainly couldnt have driven if i needed to.

in the morning i was groggy and didnt really like the feeling. it was also freezing, literally i think. i had nothing to do there and just wanted to warm up. to do so i went and sat in a mcdonalds. when the library opened i went there. i decided that i couldnt meet this person. i would have a hard time saying no to her and i really didnt want to extra hassle. so after pumpiing myself up a bit i called her. she didnt answer, so i texted her saying that i couldnt take her. that was easier. she probably wasnt even up yet.

i looked at the map and decided that it was too cold, it felt like snow, the dread. so i decided that i would get on the highway and head south to new york, fast. i called my friend rob, my old friend whom we will discuss later, and made sure he would be around for the weekend and off i went. for only the second time on this trip i got onto an expressway and bolted. south on highway 95 towards new york city.

i passed through providence and all of rhode island. so far i have slept at least one night in every state that i have been in and i wanted to keep that up. i depated staying a night in r.i. but then, there was also connecticut between me and the city, that would stretch another day if i kept up this way. eventually i remembered that i have already slept in all of these states. i have spent days in r.i. and connecticut, i rode my bike through both states in 2004. i didnt need this now. right now i needed to slap my ass and get a move on, south the warmer climes and friends.

art, in new haven

i eventually stopped in new haven. new haven, i am told, is the first planned city in the untied states. the downtown forms a large square of nine distinct smaller squares. in the center is a large public green and all around is yale university. i had no idea, prior to yesterday, where yale was. it is an old school and the buildings are really beautiful. but, it was raining there so i sought shelter quick. i found the library and went in there for a bit. when i came out it was snowing.

fucking snowing. the dread.

it was a large slush snow that fluttered down like snow but instantly became water when it hit the ground, so not snow snow but snow nonetheless. i looked at the sky, shook my head and went back into the library. i guess i would just shut the library down and then find a place to sleep. no real walking time in the city of new haven. when the library did close, the snow had stopped. the rain had mostly stopped as well so i did walk around a bit. not much, but i was hungry and was recommended a good pizza place that was only a few blocks from the library.

i walked over there, but it was too expensive for me, i have been spending too much money lately. so i retired to my truck, and drove around looking for a place to sleep. it was easier than in cambridge, but still no real joy. once in the back, i cooked my self a meal of amy's organic alphabet soup and crackers. i sat back and watched a movie while the temperature dipped and dipped. the hot soup satisfied my hunger and after the movie i went to sleep. i slept better than i have in awhile.

in the morning, i dressed and washed my dish. it was still cold in the morning and washing my dish was a bit of a chore. i had to use cold water and a steel sponge in the cold weather, washing my only dish before it became too crusted for just some water to clean. i feel so wierd in the morning, when i am doing my daily chores to prepare for a day. i mean, i look like a bum, and i am washing a tiny steel pot on the side of the road in front of a clear living space in the back of a pickup truck. i wonder if the people feel bad for me. they shouldnt, but they probably do, they probably shame me also. anyway.

i decided to keep on with the track i had set up the previous day. get to new york, quick. see my people, enjoy my time and then get further south, quick. i mentioned it already, but i was driving on the expressway i-95. this is only the second time on the trip i consciously drove the expressway to get on with my trip. the first was after my truck broke down in illinois. and i feel like i am copping out a little bit, my plans. oh, my plans. i had some great plans for this leg of the journey.

although i couldnt tell you the route the dnc 2 rnc march took, i wanted to revisit that in the truck and when i got to new london ct, i was going to take a ferry to long island. i have always wanted to be on one of those ferries with vehicles and people and water all around, that wouldve been awesome. but i powered through new london, i didnt even check the ferry prices. long island was out of the picture, all that i focused on was bronxville, new york.

let me draw this out. or draw it up, whichever. i am sure i have told this story before, but for the sake of being complete i will repeat it. and i will be as honest as i can remember. when i was 19, the day of my 19th birthday i stole my parents car and drove to new york to meet someone that i had been chatting with online. when i say stole, i mean it to sound more dramatic than it actually was. my parents were letting me borrow the car to drive around the region, i was using it to commute to work - from chicago to indiana.

a couple days before i turned 19 i had to leave the apartment i was subletting and i had been fired from my job. i didnt tell anyone about this. i packed all of my things in the car and drove around, sleeping in the car or at my parents house. they had a small gathering to celebrate the beginning of my 19th year on this planet and after that, about an hour after that, i got in the car and left for new york. as they didnt know i was homeless and jobless, they didnt know i was leaving to new york. i drove there in two days or so, to bronxville to meet my friend tiffany.

a week or so after i was there i had established a friendship with tiffany and she allowed me to stay in her apartment, three bedrooms at 18 plamer ave. around that time i called my parents, told them i was in new york and that i wasnt coming back, sorry about your car. i dont remember them being very unhappy at the turn of events, but i am sure they werent pleased. tiffany shared the apartment with another lady, virginia, and the third bedroom housed a drum set. after awhile i was allowed to rent the third bedroom for super cheap. i found a job, well, literally a job found me. just below our apartment was a convenient store called gillards, at 20 palmer ave.

18-20 palmer ave

i was standing outside smoking a cigarette when the manager of the video section of the store asked me if i wanted a job. his name was casey, and he was my neighbor, he lived across the hall at 18 plamer ave. i said yes, and i was to start right then. i asked if i could run upstairs and put on some shoes. that was granted and i was trained to use the cash register and met the owners. and that was that. no interview, no application, just pulled off the street, it was awesome.

i worked there, under the table, for the duration of my living in new york, about 9 months. i was paid $325/wk, my rent was $300/month. it was a great situation. i became good friends with the owners son, rob and another guy that worked there, john. john was about 50, rob was 30, i was 19. we got along famously. one of casey's roommates was another friend of ours, his name was mike. he was also about 30. every sunday the four of us would drive or take the train into the city and have lunch and walk around exploring. it was such an eye-opening time for me.

anyway, that was 10 years ago. after i left i came back once in late 2000 for rob's first major art opening. i wrote about that extensively in my journals from that time period. that was the beginning of my travels, i guess. when i was 18 i had taken a quick getaway trip with my girlfriend at the time to new york and once in between that and moving to new york i drove to dallas for a week or so, again to meet someone i was chatting with on the internet. but, to me, my traveling started on august 16th 1999. and over the past 10 years i have spent just over a full year in travel mode. i am pretty happy about that.

today, when i left new haven, i was nervous and excited about getting to bronxville. 9 years since i have been here and since i have talked to these friends of mine here. in early 2003 i typed up all of my old journals and stored them safely on the web, then sent all of the original journals to rob here in new york. surprisingly he has read them all and kept them all. i think that is awesome. i consider him the caretaker of my estate. that is for when i become a renowned writer or something. i had considered asking for all of those things back while i am here, but when he told me that he read them all and has them out in various places that he stays, i guess they are his now and no longer mine at all. thats sad and wonderful at the same time.

i came into bronxville on new york state highway 15, and i couldnt hold back the memories of my awakening here. so much was running through my mind, rob is 40 now and married. mike lives in philadelphia, and john must be 60 and still works in the store with rob. he says they still recall the time we spent together fondly and talk about some of the things we got up to back in the day. crazy.

when i got here, i walked around the old streets and let memories fill my mind. many of the shops i remember are gone now and i got a bit lost driving around looking for palmer ave, but i never really drove around here anyway, i always walked or took the train. in a little bit am going to meet up with rob again and see how that goes. i am nervous. but i love being in this kind of situation.

lying on the sofa of life.

i am out of here. this world, at least. seriously, i am moving way too slow and that is disturbing. i had things relatively planned out when i was in cheyenne. my tiimeline was going to place me in richmond by october 1st, and now i am hoping *hoping* to get there by november 1st. i spent too much time chillaxin in indiana. and pittsburgh. and, i am sure, places that i no longer remember but could easily fact check now that i have my memory bank stored in the walls of the ever lasting internet.

it is really too cold right now, up here, to be experiencing life the way that i am and i need to get a move on. with that in mind i have decided tp move on from boston quite quickly. tomorrow, probably, and go straight to new york. originally i had planned to loosley follow the route of the dnc2rnc march that i participated in back in 2004 but i think that i already expereinced those places i would go.

i am sure that there are many thigns i missed then, but i am quite unsure that i would be able to supplement my experience of those places now. i am in cambridge now, yesterday i got here and quickly found the places i had haunted years earlier. i found mass ave and the pu pu hot pot, and then i parked. it was only a matter of letting my feet remember the path back to the house that i stayed in and some other palces that i spent time at. it was much nicer then, in august. i would walk long distances, or ride bikes through boston and cambridge.

now, it is just too cold. even in the warmth of day, all wrapped up. my breath comes out as steam and my feet feel a chill that hours of walking do not entirely cure. my question, then, is this: when you are upside down all of your blood will rush to your head. why does it not rush to your feet as you are upright throughout the day? wouldnt sense be made in the argument that we should spend the most balanced parts of our lives on our backs or, at least, perpendicular to gravity?

forgive me for typing such. i have been reading a novel set in the victorian era and the method of speech has pervaded my writing and this i cannot currently shake. oh, the devil.

portsmouth / the sunset / my truck

i cannot get over how great it was to spend time in portsmouth. i detailed it before, but i was just so so low and just feeling lost before that turnaround. finally, i left today. and it wasnt without second thoughts.

last night i went to see my friend brian (he can be my friend now too, i guess) play a show at a the red door. garrett had to work and the friends we went out with earlier in the day were going out to dinner with their family. so i was on my own again, with just the location of the place and a general idea of when the show started.

i was nervous to go there. it wasnt a well marked place and i didnt know if it was a venue or someones apartment, and it wouldve been awkward to walk on up to someones apartment for a show an hour before the show started. so i milled around outside for a bit and when i saw some people carrying equipment up i talked to them.

i discrened that it was indeed a club and that the show would start in the next half hour or so. i was kind of waiting for brian to show up so i could know someone there at least. it makes things so much easier when you just know someone. but he couldve already been up there. he was the first band, so i talked myself into going up there without a friend.

he wasnt there yet, so i just sat in a little room on a comfy chair. there were about 15 other people up there and a little bar. i had to pay a cover so i didnt want to shell out more money for a drink. i just sat there, waiting. looking around, but mostly just staring straight ahead. luckily brian did eventually show up, but he was late and after saying hi went into setting up.

there were people around me talking about knowing him and i thought to introduce myself, but they were a bit annoying and i didnt really know their relationship to him or, really, mine. so i continued to sit there. it wasnt that bad except the place was small and people were continuously stepping over me to get to deeper areas of the seating. that just exemplified my existence and the fact that i was sitting alone and not talking to anyone. anyway.

eventually he started playing and, at first, i was really unhappy with the music. it was really bad. but it got better. he basically improvs on the guitar and uses the pedal to loop back things he has already played and he did some chanting/singing to loop back as well. he also got some feedback in there.

what i liked about it was the non traditional aspect of the performance. he was sitting in a chair and would every now and again put the guitar down and lean over to the pedals to set the loops he wanted and accentuate some. it was performance art. it was art. so often music is just people playing instruments the way they are "supposed" to be played. and while i may not have been blown away by his performance, i did appreciate the method.

he played a few songs and then invited up to accompany him two of the ladies behind me. including the more annoying one. they played two songs and they were pretty good songs. more traditional music, but the harmony was nice. then he played another song by himself and was done. right about when he finished mark and briana, the folks i was with earlier in the day, came up. luckily i caught them before they paid, to let them know they had missed brian.

we were all outside for awhile smoking cigarettes, everyone mingling. i was still hanging back a little. but then brian and i went back up and he bought me a beer. very nice. then i sat right in front of the next band and listened to them for awhile. they werent very good, but i still liked them. specifically, i liked the hodgepodge makeup of the band.

a keyboard player with a long wispy beard and apprehensive look to his face. then a lead guitarist that spent the majority of the show with his eyes locked on the keyboard. then the rhythm guitar/singer doing his best rivers cuomo look. then the bassist, nondescript hipster. then the drummer, a very animated person with a long beard as well. he talked alot between songs. and the best person in the band was sitting on a couch next to the stage with a mic pointed at him. he was a total bro and played the trumpet. it was a pretty awesome makeup.

it was loud up there, and i enjoyed their set but if i heard the music in a recorded from i would probably dislike it. after that we were back outside and garrett was getting off work soon so brian and i with a tagalong shawn went over to mark and brianas apartment.

we had some drinks there, and talked. garrett came up after awhile, drunk. and we all talked for a fair amount longer. it was really nice. around 1 in the morning, after shawn and brian had left i got up to leave. garrett was staying the night in the guest bedroom and the three of them implored me to sleep on the couch. i resisted for a moment and then realized how dumb that was and accepted. who knows when i will sleep indoors again?

i slept until about nine and then sat and read for awhile waiting for someone else to get up. thats one of the worst things, to me, about sleeping on someones couch. the morning i am just sitting there, i cant really leave and i dont want to make noise to wake anyone. so i am just silent and still. i am glad i had my book with me.

shortly, garrett came out and we went to the coffee shop. after awhile we went back tot he apartment and then we all got together to go to breakfast. we were meeting brian and a number of other folks at a breakfast place on the other side of town. that was nice. the other folks were shawn and the ladies from the night before. sitting at the table, now, they talked to me. now that i was a real person in the group.

and i cannot, i do not know the words to describe how good it felt to be part of that group. a group of people that are mostly friends, talking about the things that they will get up to in the day, people pairing off to enjoy the day together, just conversation. it felt so great. it was sad because i knew that i had to leave that day. sheena wasnt as annoying this day and i just wanted to be able to stay for more days and really be friends with these people.

but, i knew i couldnt. time isnt on my side here. garrett, brian, briana, marka nd i went back to the apartment for a little bit and then it was time to go. they had their days in order and were starting them and i had to set off. i gave them hugs and thanked them for their hospitality. i also gave them all macrame hemp jewelry, and then i was off. i went to my truck and into the sunset.

(but it was just after noon, so the sun wasnt technically setting.) i headed south on highway 1 towards boston. i didnt want to go straight there, i had planned to stop halfway but that town went by so quick. i ended up coming here to salem, massachusettes. for most of the years of my life i thought that the salem witch trials happened in salem oregon. it was probably around 2003/4 when i realized that salem oregon wasnt even a place of europeans when the witch trials happened.

then i found out that it was salem, mass and here i am. it is a touristy place, but seems like it will be good to sleep and then explore for a bit in the morning. i am in the boston metro area right now so i will probably go into town tomorrow and see what that place says to me. i doubt i will stay there long, but it is there.

the lows of life - the highs

what a night. very uplifting. i was just bumming around portsmouth, nh for the second day - and i had a good day. in the morning i got up and out to explore and saw a farmers market just around a pond, so i walked up there to peruse the local food offerings. really, i just wanted an apple but, surprisingly, there were only two folks selling apples and they didnt look very good. so i passed and walked on back towards my truck and sat at the library for a little bit.

when i left later i was just setting off to explore, it was a nice day. i wanted to walk along the water so i set off in that direction. shortly the sound of fiddles and flutes invaded my ears and a smile crept across my face. something pleasant awaited me. that pleasantry was the strawberry banke museum grounds. kind of like a reenactment of earlier times. it cost $15 to get in, but i slipped on by and started milling about.

i got to see some wine barrels being made, wool being loomed into yarn, a number of houses that were historically preserved and a number of other things. there was also a beer garden and a large food court area. at first i steered clear of there because i wasnt going to spend any money anyway, and the temptation might be overwhelming. but, after walking around some more i decided to go on into that food area and mill about.

there were hundreds of people around and many of them had multiple bowls in their hands, and i was really taken aback because who would buy so many of the same foods in bowls. and why were so many people purchasing so much of the same thing. shortly i figured it out. the bowls contained chili and all of the vendors inside were offering it for free. it was a chili contest. so i walked up to a vendor and said "i would like a bowl of chili."

she prepared one for me and handed it right over. then went on back to serve other people. i stood there for a moment and then asked her for a utensil. she looked at me a bit odd and reminded me that you got a spoon upon paid admission. i turned around quick and procured a spoon for a nearby wastebin. i proceeded to eat that chili and was happy. then i went to about three other places to have their chili and was soon very full. and very happy - free food is awesome.

then i went out and explored the grounds some more. i toured the orchards and the gardens, which was very nice. i picked some apples off a tree. very pleasant. then i left, i had been there for awhile, i continued walking toward the water. eventually i got to prescott park and sat there for awhile in the breeze and the sun, reading a book. it was just a beautiful autumn day with leaves of all colors fluttering in the wind, lovely.

after that i walked around downtown again, and then i started to get a little bit depressed. it was getting dark out and i hadnt found a nice place to just go sit for awhile, use the internet or read or something. there was a coffee shop but i was there the previous night and the wireless didnt work. really, i was just sad because it had been so long since i had seen someone i knew. it had been weeks since i showered and i just wasnt feeling very good about what i was doing or where i was at.

hey its garret!

i was just walking down the street, attempting to convince myself to just drive until i found people i knew, to just be around friends. and then. and then, a car turns the corner and someone yells out my name. divine intervention, i guess. staring at me with a smile on his face was my friend garret. how amazingly random. he went to park his car and then we caught up.

garret was my friend from work at the last place i worked in portland, i would take him to work every day and we would go out about once a week and just be friends. and that was a dark time for me, i was increasingly reclusive and cut myself off from all the friends that i had made the previous six years of living in portland, i hated my job and alot of aspects of my life. i took alot of that aggression out on garret, but we were still friends.

in the morning, when i was getting dressed i decided that i would wear my vest. it has been at the bottom of my closet since the beginning of my trip, i had been wearing my hoodie and a sweater instead of the vest, but for whatever reason this morning i decided to wear the vest. and that was how garret even saw me. he was as amazed as me to see my unique vest back walking down his streets. he had moved back here about a month ago. i tried to call him but we hadnt been able to reach each other.

so, we went to the coffee shop and hung out for an hour or so and then we went to some bars and met some other people, it was just so awesome. it was just what i needed, a huge pick-me-up. it is so nice to just have someone to show you around, to no longer be alone and invisible in the sea of people cascading around you. the first bar we went to was kind of fancy, but most of the places here are fancy. we had a couple beers and some good conversation.

and his friends!

then we went off walking some more, moved his car and had a slice of pizza. then we went to another bar, kind of like a sports bar, and had some more drinks, eventually some of his friends showed up and hung out with us. and it was just a fun night. i hadnt drank alot for awhile, and i was easily influenced by the drinks. five beers and about three shots of whiskey. eventually we went back to his friends house and hung out for a little bit longer.

i slept in my truck, and in the morning i went back into the house and took a shower. oh, how fucking glorious. i hadnt been able to shower since i left ithaca. i took a nice long shower and lathered well. i was happy. i was also a bit hungover. garret and his friend had to work this morning, at a popular diner downtown, i was invitied to come have some free food. i went there after the shower, but the place was so packed i decided against trying to get in there. instead i continued to walk around the downtown area, except with brand new eyes.

i slept in the municipal parking lot that night and it was the coldest i have ever been in my truck. i think some of it had to do with my truck being exposed on all sides, but it was also just a cold night. i slept, if you can call it that, fitfully. my feet were so cold that i had trouble staying asleep. garret called me in the morning and said that he brought some blankets for me. without prompting. that was a nice gesture.

me with sad brett.

we got together later in the day and, with two of his friends, went to a little mountain in new hampshire to have a hike. that was really fun. i havent gone on a hike in a place for awhile. when i was in ithaca, jesse and i walked around the park and finger lake there, but a hike, to me, involves uphill walking and some kind of vista. while this wasnt a large mountain, more like a hill, it peaked to a nice vista and we could see forest all around us. there were a few towns in the distance, and it was very pleasant up there.

i cannot stress enough how much being around friends has helped my demeanor. i feel totally rejuvnated right now and although it is getting colder much quicker than i had anticipated, i am looking positively on the rest of this trip. yay.