bartles, james, me, and my memory

this was a good weekend. perhaps the weekend to end all weekends for this journey. but we will not be paying our respects to a trip well done just yet. first, lets just understand what transpired.

for almost the entirety of friday i wrote words and looked at the internet. some would calculate this as an unproductive day. i am a part of that sum. i have absolutely no right or reason to spend a days worth of waking hours writing words in various forms, reading words, and doing art things...none whatsoever. i can use the excuse that it was raining but i am not a big fan of excuses, and that is how it happened.

saturday existed as a make-up day, its fullness was enough for about 1.6 days. it started with the three of us gearing up to visit the museum of death. death really isnt something i am overly concerned about or really enjoy enough to pay to learn more about. and it was an expensive museum. luckily tiffany wanted to go to this museum enough for all of us and made it her treat. the museum isnt far from where she lives, housed in a rather nondescript building.

not dead yet!

walking up there is a sign on the building and a big skull on the metal mesh but nothing graphic or telling that you were about to enter a place that just the previous evening caused two grown men to faint. we entered the metal mesh to a sort of sidewalk porch that had some cages for large animals, odds and ends, and a real guillotine. it was my intention to put my head into the lock thing and have this as a picture. i am a fan of living life and taking advantage of the opportunities that i am presented with. but the blade was very sharp. the proprietors assured me that it was safe, but these people also have the entire place wired for video and are quite interested in the idea of people dieing. i just took some photos near the guillotine.

we paid our way inside and made our way through a heavy steel door into the first rooms of exhibition. what i was especially disappointed with was that i was not able to take video or even photographs of the exhibits. there were a number of times i wanted to break this decree, but the entire place was wired for video and i didnt want to get caught. the first rooms werent spectacular, some bones and caskets and stuff like that. the only thing unpleasant about these rooms were that they smelled bad. bad like death, maybe like an autopsy room that has been sprayed with febreeze.

then we had some options. there was a wing dedicated to some serial killers, and then a hall of photos which led to different part of the museum. we went into the little wing. there was a case of memorabilia to charles manson and other things, a movie was showing and the creepiest thing about it was the lady that was tucked in the corner of the room silently enjoying this film. but then i looked up. up, the upper portion of the wall above the television, was a series of blown up photographs of a lady that had been cut in half, sodomized, and left to rot. pictures from the field where they found her - her halves about a foot apart - and from the autopsy table. it was disturbing.

we were moving quickly and went into the hall of photographs next. one way were car wrecks and things like that, nothing you couldnt see with regularity. but in the other direction, a little hallway that ended with a door we were not to enter, were some more photos and certainly more disturbing photos. it was a series of photos, a

dont look at this if you cannot stand it

husband and wife were taking and taking pictures of each other mutilating a body. the body of someone they had killed. the most compelling photo was the wife, completely nude, sawing the head off of this guy.

this was the eighties. when they took the photos to be developed the authorities were informed. she got six years, he got thirty. he'll be out in 2014. i couldnt stand it any longer and just had to take a picture of this.

then we were by a little cubicle dedicated to the heavens gate cult, this was a suicide cult from the 90's. there was a dvd about the cult and i watched it for awhile. it was disturbing, but then it ended and there was this awesome song playing over the dvd's title page. i really wanted to know more about the song because i liked it so much. i didnt get very good information about it from the proprietors.

there were a few more rooms, but i dont remember them too well right now. they must not have been very exciting, especially not with the second to last room that i have to talk about. it was a little theatre, sitting maybe 15 people. there were some stuffed things around the room and playing on the screen was scene after scene of people dying. i watched a wire walker fail one of his moves and fall to his death, a woman walk in front of a train, the police drag a man behind his minivan and execute him, a number of ritual executions, someone burning to death, you get the picture. it was much more real and more gruesome than the "faces of death" tapes that you could get at the video store as a kid.

the most disturbing video that i saw, and i dont even know if the guy died, but it was castration. this was also, i think, the longest clip that they showed. it was a black man strapped to something like a gurney in a desolate looking place. he wasnt struggling, but he was clearly alive. as he was carried on this gurney the camera took regular shots of his flaccid penis bouncing with the movements of his bearers. then they stopped and tortured him for awhile, there were still regular shots of his penis moving. and then one of the men grabbed his penis and cut it off.

from the body a stream of blood came shooting from the pelvic region with the heartbeats just as if this man were urinating - except with blood. and from the dismembered penis, the person holding it squeezed it and something like urine and blood mixed shot out of the tip. i walked away after that. it was a bit much for me to handle, i am not queasy about it but there is just so much i need to know or witness. the last room was about death row prisoners and incarcerated serial killers. it was like an art gallery with their letters and paintings, some of their plans to murder people when they get out of prison, etc.

then we were back out in the world. we were a bit disoriented from being inside and around all that death, to process i had tiffany interview austin about the experience. and then we were off, we didnt have much of a destination but settled for a place called the bourgeois pig. it is a little coffee shop, near the upright citizens brigade theatre, and rather unassuming from the outside. actually, it is unassuming from the inside as well...at least until you make it into the backroom. this room is set up to resemble being in the forest.

these things happen inside the cabin...

there is a little cabin off to one side, which sets two people inside. there is a large mushroom pillow that you can lay on, fake trees run floor to ceiling. real tree trunks are across the floor as footrests, tables, and seats. the entire room is very dark. there is a small "campfire" in the center of the room which gives a little red glare of light and some "stars" blanketing the ceiling. it is a pretty neat little room. actually, i am sitting there as i write this. i am sitting under a fake tree and every now and again some water drips on me. i dont know if the ceiling will cave in or it is part of the ambiance.

our sojourn to the bourgeois pig was more of a way station to let some time pass us by before we set off on our next adventure: riverside. riverside is a large community, 300,000 people, about an hour southeast of los angeles. i cannot imagine anyone really ever has a reason to go there, but tiffany and austin were nice enough to make one of my dreams/goals for this trip come true. we were going to a house show.

its true, one of the goals or things that i really wanted to do was end up at some random punk house show and just enjoy the hell out of it. just to see if i could still. i thought that my adventure in amarillo was going to be as close as i would get, and if so, it would have been good enough. i also have a book of cd's that i listen to when i drive for this trip. i listened to what i made in portland until i got to indiana the first time and i changed a bunch of them over. one of the bands that has stayed a constant in my rotation on this trip has been blackbird raum. and they were playing riverside this night.

they had played la just a week or so earlier and i informed tiffany - she and austin went and they enjoyed it. i didnt think i would see them, i wouldnt have driven 60 miles to see a band, no matter how awesome they are. but they were willing to go see this band again and i was thankful. the drive there was long, and we were expecting to go to a cafe for the show. when we pulled up there didnt seem to be anything resembling a show, let alone one with the type of crowd blackbird raum would attract. we milled about outside, and then went in to inquire. the show was originally going to be in this cafe, but they didnt have the permits so it was moved to a nearby house.

we got the address and drove to this residence. it was teeming with drunk punks, crusty traveler punks, and generally the crowd i have been avoiding at all costs for the enormity of this trip. really, not my crowd any longer and i was immediately nervous to enter this space. i have been to a ton of these types of shows and house parties in portland...but not for a very long time and generally i have people there that i know. luckily austin and tiffany were with me, had i been alone it is entirely possible that i wouldve just walked right on by.

we walked to the door and the guy there said they were "at capacity," how hilarious, it is a house show! after dallying a moment they let us in and it was packed. the first band was just wrapping up and blackbird raum was next. we wedged our way away from the door towards the merch area. i had never seen this band and wanted to be part of the experience, but i also wanted to take pictures and shoot some video. i was able to finagle a position that would allow me to shoot some video and be part of whatever happened, but then the accordian wanted to stand there to play. with this i was displaced into the general crowd area. as soon as they struck their first note it was quite apparent that any video or pictures i wanted to take were not going to be easy acquisitions. there was quickly a swaying mass of people that devolved into a mosh pit.

i am not, nor have i ever been, a fan of the mosh pit. neither have i been a fan of crowd surfing. and that would happen later, when i was younger i was the guy that would pull crowd surfers down if they came near me. not usually in a violent way, but there were a few times - after i had been kicked in the head or the mouth - that i would pull them down in a less that friendly way....anyway.

the mosh pit was on and i was at the edge of it, trying to watch the band and stay upright. austin took my video camera and shot some video, i just enjoyed being very sweaty in riverside. there were a few people in the crowd that i really disliked, i dont know anything about riverside, the community, the house i was in or any of the people inside that house. but there were a few overly drunk people that liked the music and were singling along sometimes, but they were also throwing one another into other people and - in turn - into the band. it was during one of these surges that i was pushed into the accordian player.

another person i disliked was the guy. you know the guy, he is the one that feels up ladies in the crowd and then tries to play it off, among other things. well, this guy - between songs - kept yelling to get people to take their clothes off. not so much in a fun way but more in a demanding way. needless to say he remained fully clothed, he just wanted to see people naked and perhaps increase his chances of getting laid. he went on so much that one of the band members had to set the disclaimers for a safer space. you know, "you can get naked if you want too, but you cannot make fun of other people for getting naked or not getting naked" that kind of stuff. it was just annoying.

towards the end of the set some guy on the other side of the room got up and did a crowd surf. i dont think i had ever seen someone make it all the way across the room at a house show. i guess that says something about the community or at least about how many people were there. luckily he came down just before he got near me. but his success prompted others to try. they guy demanding people take off their clothes tried to convince some lady to crowd surf - she didnt want too. all the while, there was some lady behind me (one of the two throwing each other into the mosh pit trying to expand it or otherwise cause trouble) who kept grabbing my shoulder and kicking the back of my leg.

i assumed it was just someone dancing and brushed it off, but after a particularly rough grab i turned around and saw that this lady was trying to push up off of me to crowd surf. she was just about up, but i pulled away and she came down. she kicked someone in the head as she came down. she moved a bit to find a better spot and eventually made it up for a few moments. and then, while singing the song "silent spring" at the end, the accordian player dropped his accordian and jumped into the crowd to surf. ironic as it is, i have no problems with people in the band crowd surfing. i assume that they have been to enough shows and seen the damage that one can incur enough times to be more respectful about it. i could also just be mean about people who want to have fun.

and then the show ended. it was super hot and i was sweaty and not really into the crowd. we walked outside to get some fresh air and we naturally carried ourselves to the car and proceeded to drive back to los angeles. i had never before just gone to a house show and have the band i want to see start promptly and then leave as soon as it ends. it was strange and made me feel old.

we drove back into los angeles and went to a diner called "brite spot" for some dinner. i wasnt especially hungry, but we ordered a number of things and i ate up - i ate until i couldnt eat any longer. (and, since i have been wanting to say it i will now, quitting smoking has been mush easier than quitting eating. i have tried on two occasions to quit eating on this trip and have for a total of about three days. i have also tried quitting smoking twice on this trip and have succeeded for at least ten days. thats all i am saying about that.) the topper of this meal was a huge cupcake that the three of us shared. it was ridiculous.

and by this point i was tired and full and just feeling lethargic. so we decided to meet friedel downtown and go clubbing. but first we required a little motivation and this came in the form of whiskey. i had drank the last of my whiskey in amarillo and that was worth it. now, in los angeles, i purchased just a small bottle for austin and i to share. it was very very cheap and tasted accordingly. we drove into downtown la, at night, to find friedel.

we parked and found her with a troop of friends standing in line for a club. they were dressed fancy, dresses shoes, makeup, etc. i was wearing the ugly shorts. so i pulled a time off of my little bottle. we met her friends and she met mine and we hung out in line drawing ever nearer the bouncer. i wasnt feeling particularly excited about clubbing downtown, when friedel invited me out i was thinking of a small bar where friends enjoy company not whatever we were at. we stashed the whiskey in tiff's bag and i was elected to go through the "do you belong in this club" critique first. i walked up and was promptly pulled aside. the bouncer looked at me and said "no shorts, no hoodies, and no sneakers" he couldve made it a perfect picture had he said no velcro sneakers.

is this why i was turned away?

so, i was turned away. predictable, the first time i try to go clubbing in la i am denied, the gods are against me! but this was for the best, friedel offered to pull us all out and go to a different place but i doubt any club in la would let me in and they were dressed for clubbing. so tiffany and austin and i took our leave, laughing about how quickly our scenes had changed. from smelly traveler kid punk show to fancy los angeles. we went home and drank more whiskey, but i was right tired. and so i fell asleep promptly.

in the morning i was awesome. i felt awesome and it was awesome outside and it was just one of those times where life is completely right and i felt very good. i took a walk around the neighborhood and sang a very popular song debbie reynolds, eventually i came back to the house and hung around as tiffany and austin performed their waking rituals. i finished watching a movie we had started the previous evening and tried to upload some videos. the internet at her house has been acting up and it makes uploading video hard, but (this is a sad thing to admit) if the internet had been working this morning i probably wouldnt have taken that walk and sang that song and been as ultimately happy as i was.

our agenda for this day including the museum of jurassic technology, we had wanted to visit this when i was here the first time, but that never happened. i am not entirely sure why, but probably because we ran out of time. the problem with this museum is that i had no idea what it was all about as we plotted to visit and still no idea as we were parking to visit. when we went inside my idea of the place had yet to materialize. and now, six hours since leaving this museum i still cannot find concise words to describe it. eclectic, dark, and amazing.

so hungry.

i want to use many words here to describe all of the things that were there but i have been typing a long time and i probably couldnt do any justice to this place anyway. the highlights included holograms and microscopes, paintings on the tips of needles, a bell ferris wheel, old wives tales, mobile homes architecture dioramas, and a strange room where a lady sings to you in a strange language. there was a whole bunch more stuff, but like i said, i couldnt describe it anyway.

i spent a great deal of time in this museum and could have easily spent two more hours there, watching videos or reading all of the plaques but the stomachs of tiffany and austin got the better of me. we were in culver city and this is apparently a place where very good indian food exists so we made a path to find some of it. we walked about a half mile and found something, it was just okay. certainly not with $13 each! (sorry for spending your money so poorly steve...) and then we continued walking.

just messin. who could eat 4lbs of chips!

we found a store on the way back, and we did some shopping. i merely bought 180 starlight mints. i have traded my addiction to nicotine for an addiction to starlight mints. and they are good. tiffany needed some things, i was feeling playful and recruited austin to join in storming the store and enjoying all of the things it had to offer. and then back to the car and to the house, nap time for the young ones and typing time for the old guy.

and now i have to think about leaving. i am having a good time here and tiffany - joking i am sure - suggested that i should move to los angeles for a few months, pretty much until she moves to san francisco. i dont want to move here, but i also dont want to leave. leaving means moving closer to my final destination and the time will come to evolve towards a more real life. all scary things, and for a person who is easily frightened, this might be debilitating. i am just stalling.