montpelier is a very nice place

montpelier is so awesome, seriously. it is just a tiny little town tucked away in the middle of the great north woods. i got here yesterday and almost missd it. i was traveling east on route 2 and it was splitting, i was offered to stay on route 2 or take route 2 business, the business option didnt look like much and i figured i was close to montpelier so i stayed on the main route. i quickly realized that i was opted to go around montpelier.

the state building

so i turned around and saw the state building and a very quaint little downtown area. i parked and started walking around. the weather was gorgeous, low 60's and sunny. i walked back to the capitol and took the tour. it has been a long time since i have been in a capitol building, about two months, and gosh i just like taking those tours. the people are usually so full of information about the history of the state. and they generally arent biased to tell the story based on how the government would like it to be remembered, but sometimes you have to pick things out.

after that tour i walked through the downtown area. the first stop i came to was a fiddler sitting on a bridge spanning the winooski river. i sat near him for awhile, reading, when he broke i chatted with him about the town and asked is there was a square dance i could go to. no such luck.

i kept on, in full enjoyment, there are some really nice old buildings here and for how small the downtown is, a ton of bookstores. even a volunteer radical bookstore, called black sheep books. it wasnt opened when i first passed. i did the whole loop, walking slow, stopping frequently to enjoy the world around me or read a few pages of my book. people smiled, one lady thought she knew me and came up and said hi how are you in a way suggesting that we knew each other well. then she realized i was not who she thought. she smiled and wished me a good day.

so nice. i went into all the bookstores (5) and perused looking for some titles that i would like to have with me. eventually black sheep opened and i went in there. i talked with the volunteer for awhile, talking about black rose in portland, sharing struggles of having a volunteer run business. eventually the fiddler came in there as well and we all chatted.

it has been so long since i just had a conversation with someone, and that is really necessary to remember that i am a real person living a real life. it felt great. i wanted them to trade some of my books that i have read and no longer require for some of theirs that i havent read, but they didnt think there was a precedent for book trading and apologizingly declined my offer. i went to the library, where there was a book sale. i bought six books for $3.50. awesome.

my cat friend

then i walked over to the co-op and when i saw it i knew that i had been here before. they have such a nice co-op here. there were at least twenty varieties of apples, all local, for purchase. there were a similar amount of potatoes for sale, again all local. how awesome. i bought some things and continued walking along. i stopped on the train tracks to pet a cat for a few minues. that made me happy. i went and sat downtown and finished reading my book. rain was coming on so i started looking for a place to spend a few hours once darkness and rain came. unfortunately i didnt find a place.

there was one little cafe but it was completely packed and there was a jazz band. i wanted a bit more peace and quiet, so i sat under the eve at city hall and read for an hour, then i went back to the old truck (earlier than i wanted) and watched a movie then slept. i wasnt cold at all throughout the night, and i dont know why. i could see my breath clearly and it was cold out. maybe i had parked in such a way to have the winds broken, but i was pretty warm. i liked that. it rained all night, but when i woke up the rain decided to stop.

my plan for the morning was simple. walk to the visitors center where they offered free coffee (green mountain organic, yum) then to the library to use the internet, then to the farmers market where a historic city tour would be lead by the preservation society. the plan went off pretty well. i stopped into the farmers market to buy a pear and a carrot before starting the tour.

there were only four people on the tour and the guide was a graduate student at the university of vermont, she wasnt very well versed in monteplier history, so it was an adventure. and all of us shared little tidbits that we knew along the way. my tidbit had to do with the capitol dome, because the guide hadnt taken the capitol tour and i did the previous day. i love tours like this though, especially when they are smaller and more personal.

we learned about the architectural history of a number of the buildings and history of vermont and the city of montpelier. towards the end the rain started and we broke. but one interesting point about the tour was the way she ended it. she ended by talking about how the city of montpelier and the preservation society stopped a mcdonalds from setting up shop in the city. i already knew that montpelier was the only capitol city in the country without a mcdonalds, but i was surprised to learn how big of a deal it was at the time and how proud the people of the city are about that fact.

apparently the fight was rather epic and the citizens and city eventually won the fight by citing traffic safety, that the increased traffic at the intersection would create a safety hazard (a tactic we had attempted in the fight against mississippi lofts in north portland). afterwards i went to a local diner that only uses local products, mostly farm fresh. that was nice. i'll stay here another night and then move on to new hampshire. and then maine, my crowning jewel!

the good times are killing me

for a long time my default favorite movie was 'mondo, new york.' for a number of reasons. first, i saw it when i was at the height of my impressionability, 19 years old, recently transplanted to new york, didnt know many people and worked at a video/convenient store. second, it is an incredibly hard movie to find so i havent been able to recheck since i last saw it to see if it is still as amazing as i believe it is.

the movie is a walk in the life of a young lady who is visiting new york city for the first time (presumably). set in the early 1980's she just walks throughout the streets of nyc with her denim jacket tossed over her shoulder. we see the seedy lower east side, go to a cockfight, see some animal crucifixtion, watch lydia lunch perform one of her poems, see some other bands perform, watch some people shoot heroin, etc.

another film that really struck home with me when i first saw it, i cannot recall the year, but i think whenever it came out, was a film called 'waking life.' this film is a mixture of a person walking through his dream world and having conversations with a myriad of people. sometimes he isnt directly involved, just a bystander watching this dream world unfold around him.

well, if you combine those two movies thats kind of what my life feels like right now, a healthy dose of detachment from what is going on around me at any given time, the sense that i am just a part of life and not an active part of it. and then every now and again i am engaged in a wonderfully diverse conversation in the unlikeliest of places or stumble upon something that is just a wonder to the world.

last night i stumbled upon the jeh kulu dancers/drummers. it was awesome. i was just cruising about downtown burlington vermont, it was almost 10. i was just enjoying the chill of the night and the world as it happened to me. i had walked down to the bank of lake champlaign and along the bike path to the boardwalk. then i just walked up a random street towards my truck. all of a sudden i hear a thunderous beat of drums above me and just within earshot. i walk toward it.

i find a huge building that appears to be completely locked down and on the top most floor (about 5 stories or so) there are lights on and i can hear clearly this beat awakening the night. i wanted nothing more than to get closer to the sound and experience it fully. i tried some doors, eventually walking all the way around the building until i found one that was accidently not closed all the way. i walked up dark stairs to the source of the sound, it was growing louder and more amazing with each step i took. when i got to the top, the last stairwells were blocked off, not very well but the image it portrayed was that they were not to be disturbed.

i sat at the last stairwell just listening. eventually someone found me and invited me up to watch. i sat on a radiator watching some of the most amazing and enthusiastic performers i had ever seen. they were simply practicing. wow. at one point someone else came up the stairs and told me that their time was up and that i would have to tell them to stop. i laughed very emphatically (on the inside) at this. here, a stranger in this wondrosity suddenly called upon to end something so amazing. clearly i didnt tell them to stop.

but they knew anyway and i beat a hasty retreat. i walked back out into the chill of the night and just smiled and let the memory of my encounter reverberate through me.

what this means, of course, is that i am now in burlington. i drove all day yesterday from watertown to get here. i didnt think it would take as long as it did, but i drove over 200 miles. i hadnt driven that much in one day since i left indiana, the day i left indiana as a matter of fact. i opened and closed the month of september with long drives to someplace new. what a life.

the last time i was in vermont, the first time, was when i was trying to cross the border in 2004. i think we stopped in montpelier then, and i am headed there next. today it rained all day. i spent the clear hours walking about the town and the rainy hours in the library or walking around town. i like it here. although it currently feels and looks like the heart of winter in portland. that part i dont like very much.

as i was milling about the town i kept remarking to myself just how much this place reminded me of portland, but then i caught myself and remembered that i have done this with other places, which i think adds up to me just seeing portland everywhere i go because i want to be in portland. only a couple more months of *torture* left. i dont really think of this as torture, but the winter is coming on much quicker than i had anticipated, i may not be able to beat the snow and i may run out of money.

that money think is something i figured out the other day because i looked into my unemployment benefits to see how much i had left. $1000. i started with about $4500 in unemployment. i left with $2000 or so in savings and now i have about $1500. which means i have spent about $4000 (this includes insurance, gas, the truck fixes, my cell phone, etc) so far on this trip. that means i have spent an average of $28 a day or so. the way that i am gauging the rest of my trip, 120 more days or so, means that i can spend about $20 a day (as an average, including all expenses) and wind up in portland completely broke.

i had planned to come back with a little bit of cash to start back up, but whatever. i have spent virtually no time so far thinking about money or its potential impact on the future of the trip. i dont really intend to start now.

what once were field mice are now leaves

when i was driving in the southwest, this spring/summer there were all kinds of lizards and field mice that would run crazily across the road. i would watch them, i could see for a far distance and would watch the little critters dart across the road. for awhile i didnt really know what they were but when i would get out of the car at various road side stops or national parks and be able to see them up close. i really liked them.

yesterday i was driving in upstate new york and i saw similar darting across the road. instead of critters, these were leaves. and i was hit with how life and the seasons have changed and just how long i have been gone. i started recollecting my trip and i was just absolutely amazed at how long this has lasted and how many things have come and gone through me. and then i smiled very wide, knowing how much more is to come.

i dont have any idea what my life will be like when this is over. well, i have some ideas but i am not sure how i would actualize them.

well, i left rochester and headed towards watertown, but it was further than i thought so i ended up staying in oswego. i stopped there and got out to walk around. i walked over the oswego river which was only a half mile from where it met lake ontario. wow. i have never before lake ontario so i decided i would walk along the river and go to the lake. i made it to some industrial area where the forced you off the river. then i found a little museum. included in the museum was the last steam powered barge to operate in the new york canal system.

it was just open so i walked in and around, thought about how romantic the idea of living and working on a barge in the ny canal system would be. but not just any barge, the last steam powered barge. it was decommissioned sometime in the 1980's! after that i just continued strolling about the town. there wasnt much to it, i was hoping for something more but after an hour or two i was back at the truck. so i went to the library for awhile.

what is dragging on me a little right now is the shortening of the days. it is cold in the morning, so i dont tend to get out of my truck until 9 or 10, and it starts getting dark around 6:30 now, here. because i dont want to spend too much money, it is hard for me to find places to just be able to sit and chill out for free after dark. you know, a nice place to read a book. generally it is libraries. which arent very exciting, i would like to always find a nice little coffee shop or something where i could spend a dollar and sit and read, you know by the warmth of a fire or something.

anyway, it has been raining forever and apparently like in the northwest it will be raining or snowing every day until april out here. so, it was with a darkening sky threatening rain that i left for watertown. watertown looked like the biggest town between rochester and burlington so i had some hope for it, but it isnt much. i got here and the little downtown area was confusing. the rain had let up while i was driving, but as soon as i found a place to park and was ready to walk around and explore the town it started raining again.

it was just a trickle, a warning. i explored for an hour or two and then it started pouring. i still hadnt found the library or any other place that looked like i could be there for hours, doing nothing but reading or checking the internet. so i sat in my truck for a few minutes. that is not what i wanted. i spend so much time in confined space as it is, while i am awake and the sky is still light i want to have my legs outstretched and be able to move around at leisure. not in watertown though.

i drove around for a bit and eventually found the library. hidden in plain sight. i had walked by it a few times but there wasnt a sign and the entrance was on the side of the building sort of down an alley. i went in and appreciated the lights and the warmth the comfy chairs, etc.

eventually it had to close though. i had parked a few blocks away and could stay there. so i went back to the truck and tucked in. i watched a film and made some soup. what an ordeal. eventually i fell into slumber and slept fitfully. as i knew it would, the nights have gotten a bit colder than are comfortable. i have just a thin blanket, like you would use on a regular bed in a regular house with regular heat and insulation and those kinds of protective things. the metal box i am in has holes and transfers were the cold quickly into my cave. the wind makes the branches in the trees whisper and i think that maybe there are people near. the gusts make my truck sway and i wonder if someone is watching and wonders if i am inside.

basically, right now, i am filled with a fair amount of paranoia. not something i am used to. i am not scared so much, but on edge, sort of waiting for something to happen. maybe i have always been like this and i just find things in my life to ascribe it too. thats something to look into. when i got up this morning there was frost on the windows and i couldnt see out. i put on some socks and tried to bundle up a bit more. not much use. generally i will sit and read for an hour or so after i wake up, but i was too cold to have my arms out fromt he covers so i just sat there for a half hour or so, freezing, trying to heat the cabin with my exhaling breath.

that didnt work. so i decided to just take it. i got my book and started reading. it doesnt help that the book i am reading right now is horrible. seriously, the worst book that i have read in a long time. if i were somewhere else i would just put it down and write it off. whats the point now? might as well power through it, maybe there is some lightness at the end of the darkness.

so, my plan now is to blaze on through the northeast. like when i was in the great plains, i just drove through the vast emptiness. i am on my way to portland maine. first burlington, monpelier, augusta. maybe some other places, but i gotta start my southerly path soon, chase the weather.

its not the ending, its the beginning (the ground is moist...)

well, i have to admit that i was rather depressed after my denial into the country of canada. i spent awhile typing up the event, and then just sort of funked around niagara falls for a little bit before i gathered myself up enough to move on. there wasnt any reason for me to stay longer there. part of what was depressing was that i had to backtrack, that my route planning wasnt very good.

see, i came into the state of new york parallel with buffalo and then went into the state towards ithaca and then back out towards buffalo. so, i have traveled about an extra 400 miles that i couldve cut out if i had known canada would deny me. of course, i couldnt have known that so i gave up on that part of the depression. the next part had, again, to do with the route.

traveling upstate new york is beautiful, but it is also sparse. on the canadian side all of the major cities are close to the us border and almost precisely on my track. instead of being around a bunch of people and completely new places that i would have no idea how to traverse, i am on beautiful forested highways with small cities far between. anyway, a third reason was completely psycological.

i had built it up so much in my head to be traveling through canada, all the way to nova scotia, that the sudden denial of that promise (i had made to myself) was very jarring and hard to bounce right back from. and, to top everything else off, it was puring rain. i decided to drive to rochester. i had planned to visit rochester on my way to buffalo, now i am very glad i didnt.

the rain continued all the way to rochester and i was bummed out still. i just wanted to find a place to sit and be cozy, to read a book and just forget about the things that were bringing me down. i drove around roch and eventually found what i was looking for. a little coffee shop called boulder brooks. it was situated just a couple minutes walking from the college, to get to the college you had to cross a pedestrian bridge over the genesse river.

i went into the place and had a cup of coffee, used the internet and read for awhile. the rain cleared up and i took he opportunity to walk around outside. i noticed when i came into this place that there was a show here this night so i decided to come back for it. i had a good parking spot, i could sleep there, and the place was just nice. if i didnt like the music i could just go out to my truck.

anyway, i decided to jut take my book with me, since the one i was reading could fit in my pocket (regardless of the content of the book, my favorite ones are always the mass market paperbacks that easily slide in and out of a back pocket). i milled around over there, there werent many folks about. but the weather was gorgeous. overcast, chilly enough to wear a sweater and a slight breeze. kind of like twilight, except it was still early in the day.

i ended up finding a commons building and went in there found an isolated hallway on the fifth floor and tucked into a comfy chair to read for awhile. as much as i am terrified of college students, i enjoy spending time around colleges and the atmosphere of them. so long as i dont have to talk to anyone. i read there for quite awhile and eventually moved back to the coffee shop. it was still an hour or so before the band started so i just putzed on the internet for awhile.

the first band, was okay. they were called 'david wax museum,' and i spent most of my time where i was sitting. i got up to watch them play just twice. after they finished i went outside and smoked a cigarette. or what was left of one that i had started earlier. i have taken to these cigarettes just fine, smoking almost three a day (currently). i wont consider myself a smoker again though until this pouch runs out and i see if i actually purchase more.

when i came back the second band had started, they were awesome. and when i write that, i mean there was some awe in me. they were called 'auld lang syne' (if you listen to this song, note the length and the significance of that time) which makes it hard to search for them on the internet. they were a four piece, accordian, guitar, bass, kick drum, cymbals, harmonica, piano, and some tambourines that were played by friends in the crowd. what this band reminded me of was the best house show i had ever seen.

it was in portland, 2006 maybe, at a random punk house that probably doesnt exist any longer. anyway, the band then was called 'western graves' they were a three piece with cymbals, a bass drum, guitar, tuba, fiddle, and maybe some other things. point is, both bands featured people that played multiple instruments at once and rotated instruments and positions between songs. i like that versatility.

for instance, at one point the other night the singer was sitting and playing the guitar, and alternately the harmonica. he was also operating the cymbals and the kick drum. four instruments, each foot moving independently of the rhythm, his hands each doing different things and he would also sing and play the harmonica. that kind of dexterity and command are really just awe inspiring to me. i am happy if i am able to clap along to a beat without fucking everything up.

they played for awhile and i gave up my position in the other room and got close to listen. i wanted to obtain their cd but i couldnt afford it. well, i think i couldnt, becasue i never asked them. becasue i am scared to talk to people, especially people i think are awesome. i come off wrong.

so, when they finished i went out to my truck and got inside, like any other night. and, although the day started off being the worst so far on this trip, it worked itself out and turned into a really great evening. thats life, i guess.

the next day i decided that i would stick around for another night. so i had a day to fill, it was sunday so i figured it would be safe to explore the university more. after spending a few morning hours in the coffee shop, i made my way to the university. the pedestrian bridge goes over the river genesse, a fairly wide river but it doesnt look particularly deep i thought it might be fun to jump off of the bridge into the river, it was only twenty feet or so and would be fun most likely. but i didnt, it was just a thought.

into the university i walked around the grounds for a long time, enjoying fall. i went into a commons building again and read for awhile. then i wanted to eat so i set off looking for something like a college town area. you know, a bunch of little shops that are only there because the college is there. i walked to on edge of the campus and then around, never finding what i was looking for. eventually i came to the car bridge that goes over the river, only a quarter mile or less north of the pedestrian bridge. i decided to cross there and see what was down there.

as i was crossing the bridge i was looking over the side and when i got to the far side, where it is over land, i saw a bike in a little swampy area. i looked at it for a few minutes and judged that it looked okay. certainly it would have some problems when i got close to it, or why would someone throw it over the edge? i went down to the bottom and from the pedestrian path under the bridge looked again at the bike. it still looked in fine shape.

so, i jumped the little fence into the swampy area and made my way closer to the bike. both of the tires were full and it looked like it would go. the brakes didnt work and one of the handgrips hand been submersed in the swamp, so it was all muddy. the gearshift didnt work but the chain was on and it appeared that it would move. now that i was in there and decided that there was a 70% chance the bike would be rideable, i had to figure a way to get it out.

for me getting in presented problems. i had to duck through trees and step over large branches to avoid the muddy parts. with the bike it would be much more complicated to stay cleanish. i decided that i would take a different route this time, closer to the wall where the trees were denser but the ground was more solid. when i got close enough to the wall i decided to just throw the bike over and then extract myself in a similar way that i had entered. that worked just fine.

once i was out, i gave the bike its test. i got on and it sagged a little but it appeared that it would work. this was a mountain bike that instead of having a solid bar had some kind of spring/shock thing in the middle for when you were going down a steep rocky mountain path, like they do in the commercial and nowhere else. so, it sagged there and that seemed okay, i started pedaling and it went. it didnt go well, but it went. the rear rim was severely out of true and the bike seemed to fishtail a little bit. i suspect that was from the shock thing. but i rode it up the path and back to the sidewalk.

it was great, a little scary becasue it didnt have brakes and i didnt know if it was just going to snap in two at some point or something. i thought to ride around looking for the elusive college town, but i eventually decided against that and instead rode it back to my truck. i had to go down a decent hill and the lack of brakes frightened me pretty good. i decided to ditch the bike near the pedestrian bridge and drive to find a place to eat.

i did that, and eventually came back to the coffee shop. the bike was still where i had left it. i used the internet for awhile and then decided i wanted to take a shower. i havent since i left ithaca, only a week or so, but i wanted to give it a shot. when i went back out, the bike had been snatched. i hope someone puts it to good use. i gathered up my bag with my towel and toiletries and such and headed back over the ped bridge to the college. as i was going i thought about how muc h i wouldve liked to have tossed the bike over the bridge.

i have never done anything like that. well, when i was a kid we would ride our bikes off the end of a pier into a lake -- which was loads of fun -- but we always recovered the bikes. this would just be a complete waste of a bike that almost worked well. i was sad for a moment of missed opportunity, but i probably wouldve felt bad shortly after i had dumped it in the river.

i got over to the college and scoped out the athletics building, trying to devise a way in. you needed your id badge to open the door and there was a person inside to verify who you were. i didnt risk it and instead went and read for along time in some building. i was trying to finish my book, but didnt quite do it.

it was almost 10 when i walked back to my truck, dark and beautiful. there was a half moon bright in the sky and as i walked over the bridge the river just looked so amazing. i stood there for awhile ruminating and enjoying the atmosphere. then i decided that i was done being sad about my missed canadian adventure. being here was good enough, beauty and joy will find me wherever i am and that knowledge was enough for me. i went and slept.