well, shit. it is about the only thing i can say as i stumble into the halfway point of my journey, as i edge closer to the decisions that august will bring, as my truck continues to break down, and as i ponder the things this trip has already offered me. life, thanks. with that out of the way, there has been a whole bunch happening to me and i have to play some catch up here. hopefully i give the days that are fading memories the justice they deserve.
 the missouri capitol |
j.c. not jesus christ, or jefferson davis. jefferson city, after thomas jefferson. jc is the capital city of missouri, when i left kansas city, i turned my steering wheel in that direction and pushed the gas pedal. on the road again. however, a little over a hundred miles and i was standing in the shadow of the capitol building. and now, the states and the capitol tours will start focusing more on the civil war. now, the history starts to kick in more, and bitterness still exists.
missouri came into the union as the 23rd state, 1822, if i recall, and it was coming in as a slave state. the states were balanced free/slave prior to this and there was a lot of turmoil in washington touching off this delicate balance. so, in addition to missouri, maine came on as a free state. thus preventing civil war for about forty years. or so the tour guide said. we went along the tour and learned more about the history of the state, apparently it boasted the third most battles in the civil war and although it was a slave state, missouri didnt secede from the union with the confederacy. but it did have a federal and confederate capital city. the tour guide assured us that this tumultuous history and lack of a consistent state identity has been prevalent throughout the history of missouri. however, she didnt really give too many more examples.
it was a good tour though, on the first level was a state history museum that i perused after the tour and then i was pretty much done there. i walked back out to my truck and drove up to the downtown area. it was only a couple blocks away, had i known i wouldve just walked. the downtown was nice, about 6 blocks of walking with shops and restaurants. but most of the stuff was closed, it was just after 5:pm and it was scorching hot. there were a few restaurants that had people, but they looked expensive and i wasnt really hungry. so i just walked up and down a number of times. then i got bored and found some wireless internet to play around on for a few minutes.
the time rolled around to 6:pm and i was thoroughly bored. i decided to drive around and see if there was another downtown place that i could explore or a nice place in the shade to park and watch a movie or something. the sun was still lingering in the sky and it was still very hot out. i drove around and didnt find anything. not even a good place to park and i was dismayed. so, i checked my map, and made a break for it.
this is where my trip starts to take a turn. see, i had met this new friend and she recommended to me columbia missouri. it was only thirty miles from jc and it was a college town. i looked online and saw that tonight was artrageous friday. cool, an art walk. so even though i dont know anyone there and it is almost dark, i went in that direction. when i first went to denver, i didnt know anyone there and it was getting late, but all i had as my entry was an art walk. and i had a kick ass time there!
the road to columbia was short, barely a half hour to get there. when i arrived i had a hard time locating the art walk because it wasnt so much a walk, there was just a district of about 9 square blocks that randomly had art things or other things. i didnt see any real galleries or the things that regularly constitute an art walk. but, nothing better to do, i walked around and around anyway.
art walks are strange. in portland, i was vehemently opposed to the art walk for a long time. in the poorer neighborhoods they simply served to vamp up gentrification and housing prices, creating a momentary safe space for people above the lower classes, a bubble. in portland, there was one every week, and i never went to them. i actively worked against finding myself in their midst. it wasnt that i disliked art, it was because i didnt understand what happened at these things and i didnt want to give any misinterpretations that i condoned the art walks or the negative impacts they brought upon the neighborhoods they are in.
but now, i love them. they are still negative to the neighborhoods, they still work against the artists and art collectives in the long run, but there is generally free wine and food and just a general atmosphere of freedom that emits from the galleries and shops to the streets. it is fun and lively and now i seek them out. i need to think more about the things i believe and why i do, and then reexamine my outlook on these things when i am grounded again. for now, i will go with what is free and easy as a way to get my foot in the door.
so, walking the artrageous streets of columbia, i stumbled upon an a frame that boasted free music on the roof of the building. the building looked fancy, but i went in anyhow, i love free music. as i crested the stairs, i was met with people in suits and shiny dresses, uber-fancy, out-of-my-league fancy, i shrugged my shoulders and mingled into the crowd. on the roof was not what i was expecting. i thought a folk act or a small indie rock back, but out there was a lone flautist. a flautist, for those that dont know, plays the flute.
however, this man did not play traditional flute. when i walked onto the roof he was describing his style, calling it non-traditional rock flute. and he said that he gets to yell in the next song and he likes that very much. i was intrigued so i sat down. some people were drinking but i saw no table for free drinks. in his next song, he made sounds with the flute i have never heard, and i cannot even describe. and i am unhappy with myself for not knowing the words for what he was doing. he did yell during the song, and he made sounds like a keyboard. it was awesome. but after that song he stopped and just talked for a long time and i got bored, i decided to explore the building i was in.
the building, turned out to the the symphony hall. and the doors to the audience chamber were open. i walked in and there were some people standing there talking. they quickly said to me that they were just talking and that they wouldnt be here long. they said this as if i were some sort of security or person in charge. i was just as scared as them. so i went to the bathroom and when i came out they were gone. i walked around for awhile and then out the main doors into the concessions area. just like in kansas city, i tried the doors and found them unlocked. however, unlike kansas city, these coolers were well stocked with beer! i smiled wide and started filling my bag up. i didnt want to take too many because i didnt want that weight on my shoulder. plus, this was just the first place, what else would i discover. i took four beers and then with a mischievous grin rejoined the people on the roof.
but not for long, the night was growing darker, and generally these thigns end around 9. so i went back out to the streets and tried to find more action. while it isnt legal, at these art walks you can generally walk around drinking freely without worry. i do that most places anyway, but it was nice to have a cold beer to enjoy on these strange streets. but i didnt really find anything else. i was weaving around and just enjoying my time, but not going in anywhere are really participating in anything. then i was hungry, so i went and had a burrito and decided to call it a night.
driving around at night trying to find a place to sleep is no fun, especially when i dont know anything about where i am. i woke up in the morning, a bit groggy but happy for the new day. i didnt really know what i was going to get up to, but this place seemed like it had some hidden fruits. i found some internet and perused the what to do in columbia lists and found a number of things. specifically i found the divisional championships for swimming. i have never seen swimming, and it seemed interested. i lunched and then walked down into the college area where the swimming was happening.
along the way i ran into the college theatre building. there was a show there tonight that i wanted to see called "i love you, you're perfect, now change." i have heard of it before, read about it this morning, and was interested to see it. the only problem was that it was the most expensive of the plays that i could go see this night. i decided that i would try the door and see what it looked like inside. the first door was locked, but the second door hadnt closed all the way to be locked. entering the building, i felt pretty sly. here i am, sneaking around again, just trying to keep myself going. i wanted to get into the theatre to see what it looked like but those doors were locked. and a skill that i desperately need to pick up is simple lock picking.
then i went down the hallways and tried all the other doors, mostly locked, or empty offices. but i did find the door to the basement/costume storage open. i walked down there and used my flashlight to find my way around. i found a few artifacts that i liked for my own, including a new shirt a book and some tacky glue. i still am unsure why i took the tacky glue. i was done down there, came up and went to the next hallway. again, all locked doors. but there door that interested me was the ticketing office, i wanted to get in there and get a free ticket to tonights show. i tried my unskilled lock picking, no avail, then i perused around the area some more and noticed the balcony. i got up there and tried all the doors, just some more empty offices. but there was a hall connection to the art department. i catlogued that and decided to leave to try to find the swim meet. it was getting on in the day.
i walked a few more blocks, saw some swimmers, and followed them. they didnt lead me to the swim meet, but i was at the place where it should be so i went in. there was more than just the swim meet happening today, also was the "show me state games" which is missouri's version of the olympics. i walked in and was met with basketball. i enjoy watching basketball, and even though this was really just high school basketball, i decided to stay and watch it some. but first i wanted to find the dumb swimmers. so i left the courts and still in the building slipped into a members only area. clearly, i started trying all the doors to see what was about me. i found a special trainers room open and pilfered that office for some special running shirts that i will probably never use. my bag was starting to get full anyway.
and walking through this area, i saw the swimmers, but they were behind some glass and there was a checkpoint i had to go through and a fee to be paid. i skirted around and tried to find a different entrance. the thing about colleges is that they want you to be a student to enjoy most of the things that exist there. there were a bunch of doors that required a swipe to get in, i found some students that were going in one of the doors and just jumped in behind them. they looked at me like i didnt belong, but i just played it off.
this stairwell took me to the pool area, but not the swimmers. this was the student pool and there were people laying out and some people swimming, it looked like we were at a fancy hotel in the tropics. i should start carrying my shorts around with me wherever i go because i wouldve loved to get into that pool. especially when i went inside. there was a simulated river in there and a large jacuzzi as well as some large wading pools that were connected and i didnt understand what they were for. but, now, i looked like i didnt belong and was glared at a bit by the lifeguard. wrong shoes, i guess. so i quickly left and found myself back near the basketball courts but on the other side.
i climbed some stairs and found an empty balcony where i watched them play for about an hour. then a lady came up and told me that this place was off limits. so i went back down and watched courtside for a little bit. i wanted to see who would win the game i had started. it was close, and the home team won...whatever that means. i walked around in this building more, into the staff only area, and the sky boxes, and all manner of places that i shouldnt be. i was getting exhausted. so, i decided to walk back toward the theatre and see if something hadnt changed about getting a ticket. nothing had, not even the door that was slightly propped open to allow me access. after a quick check through of the theatre building, i decided to try my hand on the art building side.
i did the same walk through, check the doors as before. there were alot more open doors in this place. and a lot of amateur art for me to pick through and silently judge. also, there was no one around. i have been building up to go to st louis. i love st louis, when i was a kid it was the first place i remember going on a trip to. just me and my dad. he spent most of his time out partying with the other convention goers, i stayed in the hotel and watched my first porn movie on the hotel tv. debbie does dallas. i was so scared that my dad would walk in and catch me i kept turning the channel like every 10 seconds. only now do i realize that it probably came up on the hotel bill and he just never said anythign about it.
also, starting 2003, i think, i would come to st louis every year for some activist or visiting friends realted thing. i think i came here 4 times between 2003 and 2006, more than times than i visited my family. i wish that i had the time to explain all the reasons i have been here (national conference on media reform, 2004 presidential debate, i think a biodev or wto-spur, and visiting) but this blog entry cannot contain such information, it would be way too long and i would lose all of my readers. this time, however, i was coming to st louis to visit some old friends and meet a new one. this new friend, alison, i had met on the internet and she invited me to stay at her house. so i thought i should get a house warming gift.
i scavenged through the various art rooms. i looked at art that was in process, and deliberated taking someones work before it was finished, that would be mean. but eventually i found a room that was old art. art that hadnt been claimed by previous classes. i wanted to get something that would make a statement (aka be large) and somethign that was also decent. i rifled through the old works and covered with webs and bugs, in the 2007 unclaimed, i found the prize work of art that i was searching for. and it was also about the largest one of the lot. at 3' x 6' ish i had to work hard to convince myself to walk out of there with it. it was large and i couldnt hide it. it wasnt like a book or some shirts that fit nicely into my bag (however deep a groove they bore in my shoulder), this would be obvious. but i did it. i decided it would be less conspicuous if i left through the theatre side, so i gathered my new painting and walked all the way across the building and down some steps to the outside world. it was real now.
 simulated walking with art |
i walked about ten blocks with this art work over my head back to my truck. i had to stop frequently. it was awkward. when i got back to my truck, i fitted it in the back, but it took up all of the room in the truck. this was a massive piece of art. i hadnt planned to go to stl until the next day or even the day after that, but now i had a dilemma. if i tried to sleep in the truck i could damage the painting and it would certainly be uncomfortable, then alison called me. we chatted and i told her that i was upping my arrival time. she was fine with that, but had to work that night. work meant that she was at the free concert under the arch getting people to sign petitions for planned parenthood. not a bad job.
also, this was a luminary moment for me. since this was someone that i didnt already know and would be meeting for the first time, it would be nice to meet in a wide open space surrounded by a bunch of people, just in case. also, i could get there early and find her from afar and then see how she interacted with people before we actually met. these kinds of things are generally described as creepy, but i mean them with all good intentions. i like having information before i delve into things, i am terrified to just meet a person, and these are just my ways of easing my personal tension.
none of it worked, mind you. i got there and did a few loops, looking for someone in pink, under the arch, that was slinging condoms. i didnt find that person, i just found a haggard looking older lady that was dressed in all pink, she was hippie dancing to the country music. i was very happy to learn that this wasnt the person i was to be meeting. while i was there, i called my friend betsy whom i havent seen for many years, and is always a person here that i meet with and stay with. i am pretty sure i met her at the dnc in boston/the dnc 2 rnc march in 2004. i could be wrong, it couldve been earlier, but we became friends during the dnc 2 rnc march. i met a lot of good friends that time.
 the arch! |
we chatted on the phone for a bit, i told her i was staying with alison, an as-of-yet unknown person to me. when we finished i went along and tried to find my new friend some more. but, no luck. i had to text her and admit defeat, then we talked on the phone and planned to meet. she was already outside the concert area and had to come back in to find me. i was just sitting in there drinking a beer that i had sneaked in. eventually we found each other and all of the preparedness that i had worked up as necessary was not. she turned out to be a pretty normal easy going person and we picked up chatting straight away with very little i-just-met-you-from-the-internet awkwardness. then we had to figure out what to do.
i was early, she just finished work, we each had a car and we had to meet up somehow. we walked back to her car and then drove to mine. i was to follow her back to the house where we would reconvene and discuss our near future. we got my car with little incident. as we drove back toward her house, the city started to become much more familiar to me, and i started to know right where i was and where certain landmarks that i recalled were in relation to me. after being in strange cities for a long time, it is nice to know where you are a little bit.
and then we were inside her house, and meeting her dog, and everything was strange to me again. i really do love adventure and meeting new people and throwing myself into strange situations only to get out of them and write funny things about what happened to me. i like that stuff, but when i have to start getting to know people things take on a whole new level of reality and i become more timid. so, when i am in a new friends house, and just learning what goes on and how things are, then i get hit with a dose of reality.
but, we made a quick decision to get a drink. i dont really know what to do here, although i have been here a bunch, she had to lead the way. and i think her way led us to a bar called the atomic cowboy. it is a straight bar situated in the gay district, and appears to have been working hard lately to assert its straightness. we went in and i bought some beers for us, then we strolled about this new landscape before us. we went outside and there was a nice large bonfire, it was nice, but it was still hot out and i didnt need fire, we walked in another direction. and shortly we were face to face with an mma ring. mma = mixed martial arts. this is where men (maybe women i have only heard of men) get in an octagon shaped ring and beat each other up. kind of like boxing, but they can kick too.
i wouldve liked to have seen a match, purely for academic reasons, but it had just finished. i wouldve also liked to have gone inside, but they wouldnt let us. out in this area, they also had a little beer cage and a dunk tank. the dunk tank was intriguing, i have never thrown a ball at the dunk tank nor sat in one. one day i would like to do both. we walked on and found a largeish stage where a band might play tonight and then we went backstage. my mind, on this trip, is currently all about going places i shouldnt and acting like i belong there. so we went backstage and walked around and then just sat there and chatted for awhile. the people that do belong there came and talked with us, but since we acted like we belonged there, they did to. someone even apologized for walking in on us.
back stage there were super soakers, baseball and beach balls. these were for outside later, when people were more drunk. we got another beer and were back outside. the beach balls and super soakers were out, but not in use. eventually alison took it upon herself to get the night started and bopped one of the beach balls into the table of people. it was met with moderate success, getting punched around a few times, and eventually it came back to us. i hit this time, but my shot landed in the middle of a table accompanied by the sound of glass breaking. shortly after i decided to test out the super soakers, but folks werent having that either. by then we were ready to go anyway. we went back to the house and talked some more before we went to bed. it was nice to sleep on a soft place again, i havent since denver.
the next day. i like ominous titles like that. i woke up in a strange place which counterblanaced the goodness of having a soft place to sleep. as comfortable as i am told to be, it is always a bit strange to wake up in a new place. instinctively i try to sleep as long as possible and when i do awake, i try to be as absolutely quiet as possible. alison was already up and drinking coffee, i joined her and we talked for awhile.
since she wasnt planning on my being here today, she didnt make any plans for us and had other obligations. she had to take her grandma to the airport to pick someone up and back. it sounded a bit arduous to me because she had to drive far out to get her only to pick someone up and then drive back. but, i wasnt invited to that. and thats good, because i wouldnt have really felt comfortable going. i hadnt planned to be cut loose so early on in my stl stay, but today was the day.
i hadnt planned to be here this early, so i hadnt done my research on the city and the things i could get up to. so, alison gave me some direction and i drove downtown, my intention was to just walk around and find something fun. what i found, first, was a nice little bookstore called left bank books. it looked like a good place to spend some time and they had free wireless. i went in there and spent some time looking through the shelves and then used the internet for awhile, researching the possibilities of this city.
i decided that i would check out the convention center/football stadium. convention centers generally have information and things happening, at this one there was a car show. i walked in and around, searching throughout all the rooms i had access to and then found the car show. it cost $20 to get in and clearly i wasnt going to pay for it. anyway, i didnt really want to get into it, i wanted to get into the football stadium. i left there and went outside and walked around the building until i found the visitors center.
the visitors center was helpful. they had a 3-d map of the building and grounds, i was able to see where the convention center met the stadium and get some other info from the nice lady. also, i asked her if there were any way into the stadium and she said that there wasnt, it was completely off limits and shut down. i left there and started to walk all the way around the building. my plan was to try every door and find a way in, i knew she was wrong.
all the doors, however, were visibly chained shut. i wasnt deterred, however. i found an entrance to the car show but the lady wouldnt let me by without payment, i kept on going. football stadiums are big. i have never been inside one and that was part of the draw to this place, it seemed accessible and i think this is the closest i had ever been to an actual football stadium, this was the allure of it.
i tried all the doors where freight enters and employees enter, everything. then i came upon the security office, and i walked right in there and told them i was with the car show, asked if i could pass through this way. it was amazing, the two guys actually deliberated with each other for a few minutes, saying that exhibitors could exit through their office, but they werent supposed to let anyone in that way. i asked if they could make an exception, but eventually they decided they couldnt and directed me to a place i had already tried and failed at entering.
so i just kept on. and then i was back to where i started, in the convention center, a big dark room the car show just on the other side of the wall. i had just about given up on getting into the stadium. right now i wouldve been content getting into the car show. so i went back out to where they were taking tickets and walked right by, maybe an employee entrance or other unguarded entrance. what i ended up walking toward was the staircase. i took the stairs up. after about six flights of stairs i found a little gate with a chair, supposedly for a guard, but no one was around. so i walked on by and up another two flights. here was another gate and two chairs. and the door to the roof. there was a padlock holding it shut, but it wasnt locked. i turned it and unlatched the door, i pushed it up and i was on the roof. i felt really good right then.
once out there i looked to me right and saw that i was right where the stadium and the convention center met each other, so i walked about on the roof to where they were joined, crossed over and made a bee line to the only other door in sight. how amazed was i when the door freely opened into a pitch black mechanic/electrical room. i let the roof door close and i couldnt see anything, my heart was racing as fast as it ever has, i had made it into the stadium!
i got out my flashlight, filtered my way through the equipment to another door and i opened it to a dusty stadium in the throes of construction. i smiled very wide, propped the door open and walked onto the suite level. there was no one else around, it was sunday, just a bunch of stuff left out as if people stopped working all of a sudden, or there was likelihood of anyone stumbling across this stuff without permission. except me.
 the happiest person ever. |
quiet as i could be, i walked around the stadium, into every door that would open for me. i sat in the suite boxes, went through the refrigerators, into the concessions areas, everywhere. i walked down to the field level, it is unfortunate that it was under construction, becasue there was no field there just some trucks and cranes and stuff. but i was content just being inside. for over an hour i padded about in the stadium, up to the top, down to the bottom, into the suites around the lobbies. i didnt see or hear anyone else. i tried to find my way onto the actual field area and into the lockerooms or something, but i couldnt get that access.
then, far from where i entered, i started hearing people walking about. i started freaking out a little. because, if you recall, all of the exits were chained and padlocked shut, no one was supposed to be in here. i could not just fall out any exit that presented itself. so i started to get my bearings and first went back to the suite level, that is where i started. when i got up there i wanted to get one last picture so i walked out and i saw a guard driving a cart on the field, i dont think he saw me but i was ready to go now. i did not want to be arrested for trespassing.
so i was back in the suites and just walking around trying to find the door i came in and then, through the glass of the suite boxes i saw a man (not a guard) walking toward me about a quarter of the stadium away. i jumped into the nearest suite and started trying to find a place to hide myself and still be able to watch him walk by. he could just be someone like me or a worker here on sunday or the quarterback, i had no idea i was freaked out. for about a half hour i stood hiding and never saw him walk by. thinking that it was sufficient time, i left my hideout and went on a frantic search for the proper exit.
i was ecstatic when i saw the adjacent rooftop and my first door still open, i knew i was close. i got back to the electrical room and let the door shut. i put on my flashlight and went back to the door to the roof. i pushed on the door and...nothing. it had locked itself so i couldnt get back out. i pushed harder and harder, gave a little pull and then sat down. i turned off my light and thought about my options. i also texted some people letting them know i was stuck inside the stadium should i never find my way out. after a few minutes i had decided that i would get back down to the lobby level and try to find an unchained door. first, however, i would push on the roof door a few more times.
i stood up and pushed on the door, i leaned into it, willing it to open. then i decided to pull hard on it. and, of course, it opened very easily. in my fright/flight i neglected to remember that i wad pushed it open from the outside, and it had just stuck a little so when i pulled lightly earlier, there was nothing. i breathed a sigh of relief and stepped out onto the roof. again, i was very proud of myself. even if i was the dumb one for not knowing how to open a door, i was happy i figured it out.
 stl from the roof! |
adrenaline pumping, i decided to have some more fun out on the roof, so i walked all the way around the rooftop of the convention center, just to prove to myself i was up here. and in the distance, to the west (i think) i saw my hearts desire. it is a place i had been before, in 2005 (or 06, i forget) when i was here for a media conference. what i saw was a place called
city museum. i knew this place becasue of the bus and plane at the top, new, however, was the ferris wheel and when i saw that i knew that i would have to get there.
i took some more pictures of the buildings from the roof and then was sufficiently sweaty and tired (stadiums are big!) so i decided to call it a day on the roof. also, alison was back and we had something to do this night. i got back to her place and we talked for a little bit, then deliberated on our plan and eventually decided upon going to see harry potter 6 at the theatre. she had some free tickets, and this was the best show out of the offerings, she hadnt seen it and although i had i wanted to see it again because i wanted to like it more.
the second time through was a little bit better, but none of the harry potter moves lives up to the book it corresponds with. maybe 7 will be great because it will be two movies, but probably not. they have left out so much that happens in the books that even with an extra long film for 7 they cant just put things in that dont correspond with the past movies.
after that we were tired and went back to the house. quickly we were in our places and sleeping. well, i used the internet for awhile but eventually slept. and then it was today. like, the real today, right now today, monday. alison went to work and i thought to meet up with betsy, but she also works so instead i am doing this. sitting poolside and writing the memory of my existence. now i get to enter the pool and wash away all this stuff i have just written about, thus making room for more memories.
