collected-thoughts-on-paper me versus real-time me

when i started this trip - oh so many months ago - my idea of it was much different than what actually transpired. the excitement has always been there, when i was building my truck, secretly starting this blog, scheming various realities that i alone had the opportunity to prove or disprove, all of that was exciting. i knew that i money was a thing that, and this thing would be the a frequent contributor to the outcome of my decisions. to that end, my plan was to ride the wind. not unlike anna fang.

really, i was just going to be a taxi service. my idea to workaround capital was to spend as little money as possible on gas, taking travelers from point a to point b (in accordance with a general line of travel that i had in mind for my trip) for a fee. haunting the craigslist rideshare board and using these people to get back into the groove of being a real person. and so, the final decider for when i would leave portland hinged on when i could catch a rider heading south or east.

that person was reuben, he was heading southwest (perfect) and leaving on the 14th of may. so was i reuben, so was i. from bend, or wherever it was that i left him i was supposed to pick up another rider, someone to contribute to the gas tank. but after that first day all of the ideas that i had been concocting about this trip crumbled into dust and flitted away. i wasnt making the long jumps that i had expected, and i liked going on the back roads between small towns instead of large long jumps on the bland expressway between megacity and metropolis.

i posted a few more times on craigslist, from wherever i was to some point towards where i was going, but this only lasted a week or so and i never responded to any of the folks that were hoping to copilot. and then i gave up on the idea completely. it wasnt until i picked up a hitchhiker in new mexico (just going to the rainbow festival) that another person sat in my truck. and, really, my truck has been devoid of people for this trip. maybe ten people existed as passengers, one other person actually drove my truck, and maybe six people were in the back of it.

and so, my attempt to become more of a real person failed. at least in the way i wanted to be more real. i have gotten better at being around people, regained some confidence about people actually liking me, certainly found new joy in the world, all these are good things. but those are all actionable items, things that happen after the point of impact - after the spark. what do they say? "actions come easy, its the moments just before that are hard, when i have to get my head on the same page as my heart."

anyway, i havent done so good with that just yet. i dont think i have ever been very good with taking the first step. pretty good at follow through, but i got a bad starter. this could be one of the reasons i keep the company of people more outgoing than i am, good starters for me to work with. some kind of symbiance. anyway, i am rambling right now. my point is that i havent accomplished all of the goals that i set out to.

a couple weeks ago i realized how my situation had changed and tried to get back to the original idea of this trip. since i left chicago it has really been just expressway driving between large points on a map, perfect conditions for me to get better at "knocking on the door." this dawned on me somewhere around alton and from there i started posting on various craigslists where i was, where i was going and when i was leaving. from little rock to dallas, dallas to okc, okc to amarillo, amarillo to albuquerque, to flagstaff, to las vegas, to los angeles, to santa cruz. i think that is all the posts i have done.

at first there wasnt much response but as i started working further west more people were interested in my rides. a few times i just wasnt into the people who responded, but it was in los angeles where i got a ton of responses and i responded to a few of them but was never able to "seal the deal." i stayed in santa barabara the other night and again got a bunch of people from there who wanted a ride to santa cruz. eventually i realized that i wouldnt be able to go through with it. the thought process is a muddled mess, but the basics are: what the hell am i going to talk with a stranger about for five hours, what if i want to stop for something that they dont, since they are purchasing my services am i their servant now, etc?

now, i have come to terms with not being able to initiate interactions with people. i mean, even throughout this trip with people i know, i have been terrified to make that initial real-life communication. sometimes it has been debilitating, and that is strange. like when i couldnt just knock on the door to friedels house, or even a day later when i hesitated for minutes to knock on tiffanys door. there is some deep seated inner pessimism or other little devil that keeps reminding me of all the bad things, all the things that could go wrong and oftentimes it is just easier to be alone. ever present restless uncertainty.

one night, in los angeles, i had planned to hang out with friedel but that fell through and instead of going back to tiffanys i opted to just sleep in my truck. in the morning i had a raging internal debate. when i went back to tiffanys should i lie and say that i stayed at friedels or should i tell the truth that i slept in my truck just a couple blocks away from her house. i ended up telling the truth, by a narrow margin, she and austin were incredulous at my decision. they were certainly up when i made the decision to not go back to their house, so what circumstances contributed to the decision to just not go back to her house?

all of this matters right now because i am knocking on portland door and i am supposed to be a different person, at least a somewhat changed person. i am supposed to come back and see all of these old friends, the most concentrated area of friends that exists for me, and i am still frozen when i comes to just announcing myself in some way. these nine months were supposed to help me in some way, and i have some really great experiences and awesome new friends, but i need to put whatever i learned into action (or at least lie about it in such a way that it appears i have learned something).

i would like to say that this is something that just sprang from nowhere, but i have been thinking about it very much recently and it has been on my radar for a long time. i have always known that i would have to get back to portland and then do something. and that something better include personal happiness and a fair amount of the friends that i have made living in portland the last seven years.

so, i got about five days to figure this out. i am thinking party.

self reflecting golden future

the days have absolutely flown by. so much so that there was a day called monday and i have very little to no recollection of what transpired that day. using various forms of technology and the memories of others i was able to cobble together that i didnt do anything worth remembering that day anyway. tuesday, however, i got back on the horse.

after a few false starts friedel and i actually got to hang out together again. i think we had tried to make it happen on sunday and then again on monday but neither of these times panned out into face-time. we planned for tuesday morning, but soon that seemed like it would fall by the wayside as well. it was an important thing for us to get together, mostly so i could leave then with saying a proper goodbye.

she had an appointment in the early afternoon, so i hung back and made it over to culver city around 2 in the afternoon. there was a fierce rainstorm battering los angeles while i was driving and arriving at her house. this is more rain than los angeles is used too, i hope it isnt my fault. i went inside for a minute, but this is a house of dogs. i am sure that i have intimated that i dislike dogs, the most glaring reason for my dislike is the smell of a dog when it is wet. it is the absolute worst smell in the world to me - i like the smell of burning hair more.

i do feel it is necessary to note that although i "dislike" dogs, that doesnt mean that i hate them or think they are bad they just arent a thing that i would want to be around for a long time. and so, since it was raining and the dogs were wet and jumping, we didnt stay here very long. instead friedel whisked me away to a pho restaurant in little ethiopia. it was good. we had a very large bowl that the two of us were unable to finish. we chatted there mostly (or most of my memories were) about the phrase "i am sorry," the responsibility of sorrow and life. (there has been so much redacted text in my various writings recently...) so, that happened.

dessert and a coffee

and then we got back into the jeep to go back to her house. i failed to mention the jeep earlier, this was the first time i had ever been in a jeep and that was an experience. but this was a borrowed vehicle and it had to be returned. this time we werent at her house for very long before we got back into my truck and drove to the lacma. i would type out what lacma stands for but i am not entirely positive, it is the los angeles museum of contemporary art. we were under the impression that it was free after 5:pm so, to kill the remaining time, we went to a diner.

for a dessert and a coffee, it was also the kind that had little jukeboxes at the tables and we played about eight songs. and in this restaurant setting friedel decided to get the "art talk" out of the way. i guess it is a strange thing, but i things that i like and things that i dont like and i am pretty sure i know what they are. but because i am only pretty sure i leave it open, i know i dont like baby corn but i will try it every time it is in front of me. for years and years i knew i didnt like olives until i ate them and did like them. i love art. i think art is awesome, but most of it i dont like and i find almost all of it to be useless.

this is not how they want you to interact with art

making these statements to friedel brought into another conversation where i was attempting to talk myself out of a corner. i am not very good at writing myself out of things, so i am - again - not going to try. or at least i am going to say i am not going to try and then proceed to try in such a way that is half-assed and i have the "way out" because i never wanted to write the dumb words anymore. my mind works in such a way that i do not even understand it...it is like the museum of jurassic technology. oh - to have a hot air balloon of my own!

i think art is useful in a specific time and place and most generally do not find it "timeless." i agree that it tells a story, but as the stories change the art must also change and grow with it. some things must be discarded and disregarded, while others will be built up. i dont know much modern art and certainly dont like much of it. i like street art, i find that art tells stories pertinent to me and this period that we are living in. if i had to choose an artist that represents what i mean, it would be cataldo. he is also just a nice person.

and that will be the end of my anti-explanation. we had some fun in this museum. i am the type of person that, to put it easily,likes to test the rules. i like to touch the art. i think that the art should slowly decompose as the ideas that created it also decomposed. i also like to take pictures, and when these thigns are put together it turns into a fun day. it has been kind of a theme for me to take people to places where they should not have fun and entice them into fun. the most recent was getting adam in dallas to interact with the art at whatever museum we were a part of. yesterday it was enticing friedel to engage in something similar.

standing on surfaces that boldly state "do not stand," crawling over and under the art installations, touching the paintings, and - of course - frequently interacting with the security guards. we went through an umber of rooms and eventually we were engaged by this lady who had been following us around. barbra had been watching us since the first breaking of the rules, and when she offered to take a picture of friedel and i interacting with art together i was convinced that she was an undercover for the museum and was going to steal away with my camera.

the picture our new friend took

the truth is stranger than fiction. maybe not this truth, but that is a good thing to remember anyway. barbra turned out to just be enjoying the way we were interacting with the art and wanted to also be a part of it. when i had first thought she was undercover she was really just watching to see if friedel would take the step onto the forbidden platform. and then we started talking and became friends. she is an activist from pittsburgh so we talked a bit about the g20 this past year. i told her how i darted just before the protests because i wanted nothing to do with it at the time.

then i reminded friedel of our friend who lives in pgh and it was someone that barbra also knew so we had, what, two degrees of separation. we just hung out chatted in the museum for ten or fifteen minutes, it was nice. but we had to part ways into different wings of the museum. we continued throughout the museum until i found something that i really liked: joseph beuys. specifically his doodles and sketches, that kind of stuff is awesome to me. not that it is useful or has meaning, but still really great. it is the kind of thing that i would prominently hang in my future house and just stare at for hours and be in a state of complete joy. maybe i'm strange.

then we made it outside into the garden of streetlamps and i got into an argument with a security guard, i showed him my golden ticket but he was not impressed and asked us to leave. i huffed and puffed and then told him we were done there anyway. after some turning around friedel directed me to the beach, but it was closed so we kept on back to culver city and the ever popular grocery store. i cannot describe how much i miss the idea of a grocery store.

but is this really art?

i get into the sad/happy mode while i am inside one. i am sad because i miss so much the simple joy of shopping for food and then making it into a delicious treat on my home fire. but then i get real happy thinking about the day when i am able to experience such joy again. what do they say about taking things for granted and then being apart from them until appreciation is gained. something like "i never saw my hometown until i stayed away too long." anyway, the day i get to buy whatever i want from the store and then think about it as i ride my bike home from the store, prepare it and eat it. those are the days i live for now.

but shortly after we got back to her house friedel got a call she needed to take and i took this as an opportunity to leave. we parted ways again and agreed not to let another five years pass without seeing one another. i drove back to tiffs and talked to her for awhile. i had mostly made the decision to leave in the morning and i wanted to just enjoy being around this person who has been my friend for so long. after awhile though i needed to think about sleeping if i were to actually leave the next day.

so i thought about it until austin came home. and then he insisted on finishing this drawing he was making for me before i settled into slumber. it was very nice and is tucked away in my truck for display in whatever place becomes my home next. and in the morning i slowly prepared and finished convincing myself to get out while i still could. and here i am back in santa barbara. oh it was so long ago and yet again here i am.

bartles, james, me, and my memory

this was a good weekend. perhaps the weekend to end all weekends for this journey. but we will not be paying our respects to a trip well done just yet. first, lets just understand what transpired.

for almost the entirety of friday i wrote words and looked at the internet. some would calculate this as an unproductive day. i am a part of that sum. i have absolutely no right or reason to spend a days worth of waking hours writing words in various forms, reading words, and doing art things...none whatsoever. i can use the excuse that it was raining but i am not a big fan of excuses, and that is how it happened.

saturday existed as a make-up day, its fullness was enough for about 1.6 days. it started with the three of us gearing up to visit the museum of death. death really isnt something i am overly concerned about or really enjoy enough to pay to learn more about. and it was an expensive museum. luckily tiffany wanted to go to this museum enough for all of us and made it her treat. the museum isnt far from where she lives, housed in a rather nondescript building.

not dead yet!

walking up there is a sign on the building and a big skull on the metal mesh but nothing graphic or telling that you were about to enter a place that just the previous evening caused two grown men to faint. we entered the metal mesh to a sort of sidewalk porch that had some cages for large animals, odds and ends, and a real guillotine. it was my intention to put my head into the lock thing and have this as a picture. i am a fan of living life and taking advantage of the opportunities that i am presented with. but the blade was very sharp. the proprietors assured me that it was safe, but these people also have the entire place wired for video and are quite interested in the idea of people dieing. i just took some photos near the guillotine.

we paid our way inside and made our way through a heavy steel door into the first rooms of exhibition. what i was especially disappointed with was that i was not able to take video or even photographs of the exhibits. there were a number of times i wanted to break this decree, but the entire place was wired for video and i didnt want to get caught. the first rooms werent spectacular, some bones and caskets and stuff like that. the only thing unpleasant about these rooms were that they smelled bad. bad like death, maybe like an autopsy room that has been sprayed with febreeze.

then we had some options. there was a wing dedicated to some serial killers, and then a hall of photos which led to different part of the museum. we went into the little wing. there was a case of memorabilia to charles manson and other things, a movie was showing and the creepiest thing about it was the lady that was tucked in the corner of the room silently enjoying this film. but then i looked up. up, the upper portion of the wall above the television, was a series of blown up photographs of a lady that had been cut in half, sodomized, and left to rot. pictures from the field where they found her - her halves about a foot apart - and from the autopsy table. it was disturbing.

we were moving quickly and went into the hall of photographs next. one way were car wrecks and things like that, nothing you couldnt see with regularity. but in the other direction, a little hallway that ended with a door we were not to enter, were some more photos and certainly more disturbing photos. it was a series of photos, a

dont look at this if you cannot stand it

husband and wife were taking and taking pictures of each other mutilating a body. the body of someone they had killed. the most compelling photo was the wife, completely nude, sawing the head off of this guy.

this was the eighties. when they took the photos to be developed the authorities were informed. she got six years, he got thirty. he'll be out in 2014. i couldnt stand it any longer and just had to take a picture of this.

then we were by a little cubicle dedicated to the heavens gate cult, this was a suicide cult from the 90's. there was a dvd about the cult and i watched it for awhile. it was disturbing, but then it ended and there was this awesome song playing over the dvd's title page. i really wanted to know more about the song because i liked it so much. i didnt get very good information about it from the proprietors.

there were a few more rooms, but i dont remember them too well right now. they must not have been very exciting, especially not with the second to last room that i have to talk about. it was a little theatre, sitting maybe 15 people. there were some stuffed things around the room and playing on the screen was scene after scene of people dying. i watched a wire walker fail one of his moves and fall to his death, a woman walk in front of a train, the police drag a man behind his minivan and execute him, a number of ritual executions, someone burning to death, you get the picture. it was much more real and more gruesome than the "faces of death" tapes that you could get at the video store as a kid.

the most disturbing video that i saw, and i dont even know if the guy died, but it was castration. this was also, i think, the longest clip that they showed. it was a black man strapped to something like a gurney in a desolate looking place. he wasnt struggling, but he was clearly alive. as he was carried on this gurney the camera took regular shots of his flaccid penis bouncing with the movements of his bearers. then they stopped and tortured him for awhile, there were still regular shots of his penis moving. and then one of the men grabbed his penis and cut it off.

from the body a stream of blood came shooting from the pelvic region with the heartbeats just as if this man were urinating - except with blood. and from the dismembered penis, the person holding it squeezed it and something like urine and blood mixed shot out of the tip. i walked away after that. it was a bit much for me to handle, i am not queasy about it but there is just so much i need to know or witness. the last room was about death row prisoners and incarcerated serial killers. it was like an art gallery with their letters and paintings, some of their plans to murder people when they get out of prison, etc.

then we were back out in the world. we were a bit disoriented from being inside and around all that death, to process i had tiffany interview austin about the experience. and then we were off, we didnt have much of a destination but settled for a place called the bourgeois pig. it is a little coffee shop, near the upright citizens brigade theatre, and rather unassuming from the outside. actually, it is unassuming from the inside as well...at least until you make it into the backroom. this room is set up to resemble being in the forest.

these things happen inside the cabin...

there is a little cabin off to one side, which sets two people inside. there is a large mushroom pillow that you can lay on, fake trees run floor to ceiling. real tree trunks are across the floor as footrests, tables, and seats. the entire room is very dark. there is a small "campfire" in the center of the room which gives a little red glare of light and some "stars" blanketing the ceiling. it is a pretty neat little room. actually, i am sitting there as i write this. i am sitting under a fake tree and every now and again some water drips on me. i dont know if the ceiling will cave in or it is part of the ambiance.

our sojourn to the bourgeois pig was more of a way station to let some time pass us by before we set off on our next adventure: riverside. riverside is a large community, 300,000 people, about an hour southeast of los angeles. i cannot imagine anyone really ever has a reason to go there, but tiffany and austin were nice enough to make one of my dreams/goals for this trip come true. we were going to a house show.

its true, one of the goals or things that i really wanted to do was end up at some random punk house show and just enjoy the hell out of it. just to see if i could still. i thought that my adventure in amarillo was going to be as close as i would get, and if so, it would have been good enough. i also have a book of cd's that i listen to when i drive for this trip. i listened to what i made in portland until i got to indiana the first time and i changed a bunch of them over. one of the bands that has stayed a constant in my rotation on this trip has been blackbird raum. and they were playing riverside this night.

they had played la just a week or so earlier and i informed tiffany - she and austin went and they enjoyed it. i didnt think i would see them, i wouldnt have driven 60 miles to see a band, no matter how awesome they are. but they were willing to go see this band again and i was thankful. the drive there was long, and we were expecting to go to a cafe for the show. when we pulled up there didnt seem to be anything resembling a show, let alone one with the type of crowd blackbird raum would attract. we milled about outside, and then went in to inquire. the show was originally going to be in this cafe, but they didnt have the permits so it was moved to a nearby house.

we got the address and drove to this residence. it was teeming with drunk punks, crusty traveler punks, and generally the crowd i have been avoiding at all costs for the enormity of this trip. really, not my crowd any longer and i was immediately nervous to enter this space. i have been to a ton of these types of shows and house parties in portland...but not for a very long time and generally i have people there that i know. luckily austin and tiffany were with me, had i been alone it is entirely possible that i wouldve just walked right on by.

we walked to the door and the guy there said they were "at capacity," how hilarious, it is a house show! after dallying a moment they let us in and it was packed. the first band was just wrapping up and blackbird raum was next. we wedged our way away from the door towards the merch area. i had never seen this band and wanted to be part of the experience, but i also wanted to take pictures and shoot some video. i was able to finagle a position that would allow me to shoot some video and be part of whatever happened, but then the accordian wanted to stand there to play. with this i was displaced into the general crowd area. as soon as they struck their first note it was quite apparent that any video or pictures i wanted to take were not going to be easy acquisitions. there was quickly a swaying mass of people that devolved into a mosh pit.

i am not, nor have i ever been, a fan of the mosh pit. neither have i been a fan of crowd surfing. and that would happen later, when i was younger i was the guy that would pull crowd surfers down if they came near me. not usually in a violent way, but there were a few times - after i had been kicked in the head or the mouth - that i would pull them down in a less that friendly way....anyway.

the mosh pit was on and i was at the edge of it, trying to watch the band and stay upright. austin took my video camera and shot some video, i just enjoyed being very sweaty in riverside. there were a few people in the crowd that i really disliked, i dont know anything about riverside, the community, the house i was in or any of the people inside that house. but there were a few overly drunk people that liked the music and were singling along sometimes, but they were also throwing one another into other people and - in turn - into the band. it was during one of these surges that i was pushed into the accordian player.

another person i disliked was the guy. you know the guy, he is the one that feels up ladies in the crowd and then tries to play it off, among other things. well, this guy - between songs - kept yelling to get people to take their clothes off. not so much in a fun way but more in a demanding way. needless to say he remained fully clothed, he just wanted to see people naked and perhaps increase his chances of getting laid. he went on so much that one of the band members had to set the disclaimers for a safer space. you know, "you can get naked if you want too, but you cannot make fun of other people for getting naked or not getting naked" that kind of stuff. it was just annoying.

towards the end of the set some guy on the other side of the room got up and did a crowd surf. i dont think i had ever seen someone make it all the way across the room at a house show. i guess that says something about the community or at least about how many people were there. luckily he came down just before he got near me. but his success prompted others to try. they guy demanding people take off their clothes tried to convince some lady to crowd surf - she didnt want too. all the while, there was some lady behind me (one of the two throwing each other into the mosh pit trying to expand it or otherwise cause trouble) who kept grabbing my shoulder and kicking the back of my leg.

i assumed it was just someone dancing and brushed it off, but after a particularly rough grab i turned around and saw that this lady was trying to push up off of me to crowd surf. she was just about up, but i pulled away and she came down. she kicked someone in the head as she came down. she moved a bit to find a better spot and eventually made it up for a few moments. and then, while singing the song "silent spring" at the end, the accordian player dropped his accordian and jumped into the crowd to surf. ironic as it is, i have no problems with people in the band crowd surfing. i assume that they have been to enough shows and seen the damage that one can incur enough times to be more respectful about it. i could also just be mean about people who want to have fun.

and then the show ended. it was super hot and i was sweaty and not really into the crowd. we walked outside to get some fresh air and we naturally carried ourselves to the car and proceeded to drive back to los angeles. i had never before just gone to a house show and have the band i want to see start promptly and then leave as soon as it ends. it was strange and made me feel old.

we drove back into los angeles and went to a diner called "brite spot" for some dinner. i wasnt especially hungry, but we ordered a number of things and i ate up - i ate until i couldnt eat any longer. (and, since i have been wanting to say it i will now, quitting smoking has been mush easier than quitting eating. i have tried on two occasions to quit eating on this trip and have for a total of about three days. i have also tried quitting smoking twice on this trip and have succeeded for at least ten days. thats all i am saying about that.) the topper of this meal was a huge cupcake that the three of us shared. it was ridiculous.

and by this point i was tired and full and just feeling lethargic. so we decided to meet friedel downtown and go clubbing. but first we required a little motivation and this came in the form of whiskey. i had drank the last of my whiskey in amarillo and that was worth it. now, in los angeles, i purchased just a small bottle for austin and i to share. it was very very cheap and tasted accordingly. we drove into downtown la, at night, to find friedel.

we parked and found her with a troop of friends standing in line for a club. they were dressed fancy, dresses shoes, makeup, etc. i was wearing the ugly shorts. so i pulled a time off of my little bottle. we met her friends and she met mine and we hung out in line drawing ever nearer the bouncer. i wasnt feeling particularly excited about clubbing downtown, when friedel invited me out i was thinking of a small bar where friends enjoy company not whatever we were at. we stashed the whiskey in tiff's bag and i was elected to go through the "do you belong in this club" critique first. i walked up and was promptly pulled aside. the bouncer looked at me and said "no shorts, no hoodies, and no sneakers" he couldve made it a perfect picture had he said no velcro sneakers.

is this why i was turned away?

so, i was turned away. predictable, the first time i try to go clubbing in la i am denied, the gods are against me! but this was for the best, friedel offered to pull us all out and go to a different place but i doubt any club in la would let me in and they were dressed for clubbing. so tiffany and austin and i took our leave, laughing about how quickly our scenes had changed. from smelly traveler kid punk show to fancy los angeles. we went home and drank more whiskey, but i was right tired. and so i fell asleep promptly.

in the morning i was awesome. i felt awesome and it was awesome outside and it was just one of those times where life is completely right and i felt very good. i took a walk around the neighborhood and sang a very popular song debbie reynolds, eventually i came back to the house and hung around as tiffany and austin performed their waking rituals. i finished watching a movie we had started the previous evening and tried to upload some videos. the internet at her house has been acting up and it makes uploading video hard, but (this is a sad thing to admit) if the internet had been working this morning i probably wouldnt have taken that walk and sang that song and been as ultimately happy as i was.

our agenda for this day including the museum of jurassic technology, we had wanted to visit this when i was here the first time, but that never happened. i am not entirely sure why, but probably because we ran out of time. the problem with this museum is that i had no idea what it was all about as we plotted to visit and still no idea as we were parking to visit. when we went inside my idea of the place had yet to materialize. and now, six hours since leaving this museum i still cannot find concise words to describe it. eclectic, dark, and amazing.

so hungry.

i want to use many words here to describe all of the things that were there but i have been typing a long time and i probably couldnt do any justice to this place anyway. the highlights included holograms and microscopes, paintings on the tips of needles, a bell ferris wheel, old wives tales, mobile homes architecture dioramas, and a strange room where a lady sings to you in a strange language. there was a whole bunch more stuff, but like i said, i couldnt describe it anyway.

i spent a great deal of time in this museum and could have easily spent two more hours there, watching videos or reading all of the plaques but the stomachs of tiffany and austin got the better of me. we were in culver city and this is apparently a place where very good indian food exists so we made a path to find some of it. we walked about a half mile and found something, it was just okay. certainly not with $13 each! (sorry for spending your money so poorly steve...) and then we continued walking.

just messin. who could eat 4lbs of chips!

we found a store on the way back, and we did some shopping. i merely bought 180 starlight mints. i have traded my addiction to nicotine for an addiction to starlight mints. and they are good. tiffany needed some things, i was feeling playful and recruited austin to join in storming the store and enjoying all of the things it had to offer. and then back to the car and to the house, nap time for the young ones and typing time for the old guy.

and now i have to think about leaving. i am having a good time here and tiffany - joking i am sure - suggested that i should move to los angeles for a few months, pretty much until she moves to san francisco. i dont want to move here, but i also dont want to leave. leaving means moving closer to my final destination and the time will come to evolve towards a more real life. all scary things, and for a person who is easily frightened, this might be debilitating. i am just stalling.