its not the ending, its the beginning (the ground is moist...)

well, i have to admit that i was rather depressed after my denial into the country of canada. i spent awhile typing up the event, and then just sort of funked around niagara falls for a little bit before i gathered myself up enough to move on. there wasnt any reason for me to stay longer there. part of what was depressing was that i had to backtrack, that my route planning wasnt very good.

see, i came into the state of new york parallel with buffalo and then went into the state towards ithaca and then back out towards buffalo. so, i have traveled about an extra 400 miles that i couldve cut out if i had known canada would deny me. of course, i couldnt have known that so i gave up on that part of the depression. the next part had, again, to do with the route.

traveling upstate new york is beautiful, but it is also sparse. on the canadian side all of the major cities are close to the us border and almost precisely on my track. instead of being around a bunch of people and completely new places that i would have no idea how to traverse, i am on beautiful forested highways with small cities far between. anyway, a third reason was completely psycological.

i had built it up so much in my head to be traveling through canada, all the way to nova scotia, that the sudden denial of that promise (i had made to myself) was very jarring and hard to bounce right back from. and, to top everything else off, it was puring rain. i decided to drive to rochester. i had planned to visit rochester on my way to buffalo, now i am very glad i didnt.

the rain continued all the way to rochester and i was bummed out still. i just wanted to find a place to sit and be cozy, to read a book and just forget about the things that were bringing me down. i drove around roch and eventually found what i was looking for. a little coffee shop called boulder brooks. it was situated just a couple minutes walking from the college, to get to the college you had to cross a pedestrian bridge over the genesse river.

i went into the place and had a cup of coffee, used the internet and read for awhile. the rain cleared up and i took he opportunity to walk around outside. i noticed when i came into this place that there was a show here this night so i decided to come back for it. i had a good parking spot, i could sleep there, and the place was just nice. if i didnt like the music i could just go out to my truck.

anyway, i decided to jut take my book with me, since the one i was reading could fit in my pocket (regardless of the content of the book, my favorite ones are always the mass market paperbacks that easily slide in and out of a back pocket). i milled around over there, there werent many folks about. but the weather was gorgeous. overcast, chilly enough to wear a sweater and a slight breeze. kind of like twilight, except it was still early in the day.

i ended up finding a commons building and went in there found an isolated hallway on the fifth floor and tucked into a comfy chair to read for awhile. as much as i am terrified of college students, i enjoy spending time around colleges and the atmosphere of them. so long as i dont have to talk to anyone. i read there for quite awhile and eventually moved back to the coffee shop. it was still an hour or so before the band started so i just putzed on the internet for awhile.

the first band, was okay. they were called 'david wax museum,' and i spent most of my time where i was sitting. i got up to watch them play just twice. after they finished i went outside and smoked a cigarette. or what was left of one that i had started earlier. i have taken to these cigarettes just fine, smoking almost three a day (currently). i wont consider myself a smoker again though until this pouch runs out and i see if i actually purchase more.

when i came back the second band had started, they were awesome. and when i write that, i mean there was some awe in me. they were called 'auld lang syne' (if you listen to this song, note the length and the significance of that time) which makes it hard to search for them on the internet. they were a four piece, accordian, guitar, bass, kick drum, cymbals, harmonica, piano, and some tambourines that were played by friends in the crowd. what this band reminded me of was the best house show i had ever seen.

it was in portland, 2006 maybe, at a random punk house that probably doesnt exist any longer. anyway, the band then was called 'western graves' they were a three piece with cymbals, a bass drum, guitar, tuba, fiddle, and maybe some other things. point is, both bands featured people that played multiple instruments at once and rotated instruments and positions between songs. i like that versatility.

for instance, at one point the other night the singer was sitting and playing the guitar, and alternately the harmonica. he was also operating the cymbals and the kick drum. four instruments, each foot moving independently of the rhythm, his hands each doing different things and he would also sing and play the harmonica. that kind of dexterity and command are really just awe inspiring to me. i am happy if i am able to clap along to a beat without fucking everything up.

they played for awhile and i gave up my position in the other room and got close to listen. i wanted to obtain their cd but i couldnt afford it. well, i think i couldnt, becasue i never asked them. becasue i am scared to talk to people, especially people i think are awesome. i come off wrong.

so, when they finished i went out to my truck and got inside, like any other night. and, although the day started off being the worst so far on this trip, it worked itself out and turned into a really great evening. thats life, i guess.

the next day i decided that i would stick around for another night. so i had a day to fill, it was sunday so i figured it would be safe to explore the university more. after spending a few morning hours in the coffee shop, i made my way to the university. the pedestrian bridge goes over the river genesse, a fairly wide river but it doesnt look particularly deep i thought it might be fun to jump off of the bridge into the river, it was only twenty feet or so and would be fun most likely. but i didnt, it was just a thought.

into the university i walked around the grounds for a long time, enjoying fall. i went into a commons building again and read for awhile. then i wanted to eat so i set off looking for something like a college town area. you know, a bunch of little shops that are only there because the college is there. i walked to on edge of the campus and then around, never finding what i was looking for. eventually i came to the car bridge that goes over the river, only a quarter mile or less north of the pedestrian bridge. i decided to cross there and see what was down there.

as i was crossing the bridge i was looking over the side and when i got to the far side, where it is over land, i saw a bike in a little swampy area. i looked at it for a few minutes and judged that it looked okay. certainly it would have some problems when i got close to it, or why would someone throw it over the edge? i went down to the bottom and from the pedestrian path under the bridge looked again at the bike. it still looked in fine shape.

so, i jumped the little fence into the swampy area and made my way closer to the bike. both of the tires were full and it looked like it would go. the brakes didnt work and one of the handgrips hand been submersed in the swamp, so it was all muddy. the gearshift didnt work but the chain was on and it appeared that it would move. now that i was in there and decided that there was a 70% chance the bike would be rideable, i had to figure a way to get it out.

for me getting in presented problems. i had to duck through trees and step over large branches to avoid the muddy parts. with the bike it would be much more complicated to stay cleanish. i decided that i would take a different route this time, closer to the wall where the trees were denser but the ground was more solid. when i got close enough to the wall i decided to just throw the bike over and then extract myself in a similar way that i had entered. that worked just fine.

once i was out, i gave the bike its test. i got on and it sagged a little but it appeared that it would work. this was a mountain bike that instead of having a solid bar had some kind of spring/shock thing in the middle for when you were going down a steep rocky mountain path, like they do in the commercial and nowhere else. so, it sagged there and that seemed okay, i started pedaling and it went. it didnt go well, but it went. the rear rim was severely out of true and the bike seemed to fishtail a little bit. i suspect that was from the shock thing. but i rode it up the path and back to the sidewalk.

it was great, a little scary becasue it didnt have brakes and i didnt know if it was just going to snap in two at some point or something. i thought to ride around looking for the elusive college town, but i eventually decided against that and instead rode it back to my truck. i had to go down a decent hill and the lack of brakes frightened me pretty good. i decided to ditch the bike near the pedestrian bridge and drive to find a place to eat.

i did that, and eventually came back to the coffee shop. the bike was still where i had left it. i used the internet for awhile and then decided i wanted to take a shower. i havent since i left ithaca, only a week or so, but i wanted to give it a shot. when i went back out, the bike had been snatched. i hope someone puts it to good use. i gathered up my bag with my towel and toiletries and such and headed back over the ped bridge to the college. as i was going i thought about how muc h i wouldve liked to have tossed the bike over the bridge.

i have never done anything like that. well, when i was a kid we would ride our bikes off the end of a pier into a lake -- which was loads of fun -- but we always recovered the bikes. this would just be a complete waste of a bike that almost worked well. i was sad for a moment of missed opportunity, but i probably wouldve felt bad shortly after i had dumped it in the river.

i got over to the college and scoped out the athletics building, trying to devise a way in. you needed your id badge to open the door and there was a person inside to verify who you were. i didnt risk it and instead went and read for along time in some building. i was trying to finish my book, but didnt quite do it.

it was almost 10 when i walked back to my truck, dark and beautiful. there was a half moon bright in the sky and as i walked over the bridge the river just looked so amazing. i stood there for awhile ruminating and enjoying the atmosphere. then i decided that i was done being sad about my missed canadian adventure. being here was good enough, beauty and joy will find me wherever i am and that knowledge was enough for me. i went and slept.