where the buffalo roam.

well, now i am in buffalo. in ithaca i was waiting on a piece of mail to come to me, it was rther important, the registration tags for my truck. it was the second attempt at getting them from portland to me, and this time it was a success. i was pretty excited to receive them. i left ithaca the next day. on the day that i got the tags, monday, i also participated in a loaves and fishes (sic) meal.

the cascadilla creek!

loaves and fishes is a christian hot-meal program, often offered at churches for low income and homeless folks. well, i am getting ahead of myself. when i first got foodstamps, it was a big deal. i had this thing called pride, and i thought that it would be huge dent in it if i requested and received government aid. this was before i figured out that it was the tax dollars that i was contributing that were eventually paid out in these disbursements, but the first time i was nervous and scared and didnt want to do it.

i dont recall precisely why i did, but once i got through the process, it wasnt that big of a deal. i think my hangup was the idea of food stamps, special money (looked canadian) that you would have to carry and use. now it is all done via electronic balance transfers. food stamps cards, much more discreet and easy to use. eventually i would also get on unemployment, which wasnt so much of a dent because i had already gone through social services once. when i went through to get on them both again, there was no sense of pride or that i shouldnt recieve these things.

anyway, i felt that same sense of potential damage to my pride at the idea of going to a soup kitchen. nevermind that for years i helped maintain one in portland (food not bombs, yo). but there was a distinct difference in my idea of life then, when i was preparing meals and helping serve them i felt above the people that i was serving to. it wasnt conscious or anything that i was trying to bring out, quite the opposite, it was just a middle class sense of affluence that undoubtedly came out in me. i felt superior, and i didnt like it.

i have gotten that sense of superiority at many of the food not bombs meals i have eaten, it is generally easy to tell who prepared the meal and who is there to partake in it. again, i dont think that it is something that anyone is trying to portray, unfortunately it is natural. so, when i was debating going to this loaves and fishes in ithaca, i was expecting that same superiority look, except this time not from people i could identify with, but from christians (eek)!

the reason why i am getting into this now is because my food stamps are most likely not going to be awarded me next month, due to my travels. they have caught on. i hope unemployment doesnt similarly catch on. becasue of this development i am going to have to fill in from somewhere the $200/month that i am currently spending on food from that card. i certainly wont be able to supplement it from my income, so the idea is to be more aware of free meals wherever i am and take advantage of them. less eating all around, and much more focus on the free meals in the community.

anyway, i went to the church that it was being served at and i milled about outside. i kept trying to convince myself to go in, and eventually i did. i was surprised at what i saw. overwhelmingly, it was homeless folks. there were a number of older people that are on fixed incomes and need these meals to survive, and all of the same punk kids that would go to food not bombs were also in line for a meal. the line was long and i felt out of place, i mean i have a cell phone. i felt like people were staring at me and saying that i dont belong. but, most likely they were just focused on eating their food and hanging out with their friends.

as usual with things that i am originally nervous about things turn out just fine. the servers were very nice ladies of varying ages and proffered no looks of superiority or shame. they were just accepting. perhaps they were in the shadow of the lords love. but i am not going to specualte on that. i was also surprised to find that most of the food they served was vegan/vegetarian. it wasnt announced as such but they had a chicken black bean soup, tofu stir fry, rice, steamed greens, salad, watermelon, and breads. and apparently they always have one vegetarian dish.

jesse bastard.

i sat at a table with some folks and listened to the conversations around me and a layer of pride complex washed off of me, and i felt a bit more in touch and like a real person. there isnt any shame in seeking assistance for living, most of the people are just like you. so, i am going to continue to try to find these things and keep up with them.

jesse and i got together after he was done with school and we went out for a drink, then he went home and stayed out reading. we met up later at his place we watched a movie and just enjoyed each others company for the last few hour that i would be there. it was nice hanging out with him, it felt almost like i was back in portland with my friends. except i was in ithaca. i left the next morning after taking a shower and cleaning up all of my stuff.

it was nice to be back out on the road, i wasnt planning on going very far, but there is a very noticeable difference when i am driving away and on to some new place rather than driving around town. it makes me smile very much, so much. i went north on 96 and eventually came to taughanooka (or something like that) falls. awesome. it didnt look like multnomah falls, but it reminded me of that place, it was beautiful. i walked around the lookout point and wanted to take the trail down to the falls but i had to drive quite a ways to the trailhead and the trail was very long to them, i opted against it and continued on towards waterloo.

taughannock falls!

now, we all know that the united states defeated naploean during the french american war in 1863, but how many people knew that waterloo was in upstate new york?

anyway. waterloo wasnt very exciting, i just walked around the main street area and then took off towards canandaigua. i have no idea how to pronounce that name, but it wa a largish looking place and i was trying to meet someone there. i explored the city on my own for quite awhile, walking around and reading at frequent intervals. it seemed like a nice little community tucked away, but these communities all have been tarting have new signs. the signs make life a bit difficult for me, they say "no parking on all roads between 2-5am" which means i cannot park and sleep in front of someones house.

so i drove to the next town looking for a place to sleep, but i didnt find anything. eventually i parked in a large parking lot and slept there. it wasnt the best place, and not very exciting for my first night back in the truck, but everything worked out. the next day i pushed off. i wasnt planning on going straight to buffalo, but thats what happened, it wasnt very far and the towns in between that i had pegged as possible places to overnight never materialized as real places.

when i found myself here in buffalo, it was like a war zone. i came in from the east on highway 20 and then into the city on broadway. it leads straight into the city heart. i knew that buffalo had fallen on hard times, but that eastern bloc of the city was absolutely devastated. the building were all boarded up and a few of them were collapsing upon themselves, but people milled about as if this is how life always is. i drove slowly taking it all in, and eventually i found the city center. it wasnt as bad down there, but it still seemed like a hopelessly crumbling city.

aside from that, i loved the buildings, the architecture. it was a rainy day, yesterday, and i spent some time walking around looking for a coffee shop or something similar where i could sit and read, but i didnt find anything of the sort, so when the rain came down hard i retired to my bed and read back there. it only lasted a little bit and it was still early in the day. i decided to go up by the college, there are coffee shops up there. as i was driving around i came upon a castle.

this is a castle.ho-hum, it looked as if it is apartments now, but it is still a castle in the middle of the city. how awesome! driving around more i eventually got my bearings and found the path toward the college and along the way the city started changing, started looking definitively middle class with nicer homes, still a little run down, but this is the buffalo that i wanted to move to. i saw an awesome little brick commercial building with apartments on top for sale. it was only $105,000 and it was on a main street. that is also the buffalo i wanted to move to.

i found the college town and it was more what i was used to. i walked up and around there, went to the co-op, read my book more. visited the little book store and just enjoyed my time there. i guess i should note here that i also found a puch of rolling tobacco. i am reading this book about che guevara and they are talking about how much he like cuban cigars, and i am trying to eat less so i decided that i would give it a shot. what better hunger supressant that poison?

i had found cigarettes earlier on the trip and couldnt make it through one, they were american spirit blues or blacks, i cant remember which. this was bali shag, my tobacco of choice when i quit smoking. i rolled one up (my favorite pastime) and gave it a go. it was easier than the american spirit of months ago, but i spent about three hours smoking the little cigarette. i am going to hang onto the tobacco and see if it can help me. drugs can be used to a persons benefit so long as you can control the use of them, right? and you are using them with a clear mind and purpose, right? or maybe i am just a hypocrite.

i am going to spend a few more days in buffalo, see what its like and then attempt my border crossing.