what once were field mice are now leaves

when i was driving in the southwest, this spring/summer there were all kinds of lizards and field mice that would run crazily across the road. i would watch them, i could see for a far distance and would watch the little critters dart across the road. for awhile i didnt really know what they were but when i would get out of the car at various road side stops or national parks and be able to see them up close. i really liked them.

yesterday i was driving in upstate new york and i saw similar darting across the road. instead of critters, these were leaves. and i was hit with how life and the seasons have changed and just how long i have been gone. i started recollecting my trip and i was just absolutely amazed at how long this has lasted and how many things have come and gone through me. and then i smiled very wide, knowing how much more is to come.

i dont have any idea what my life will be like when this is over. well, i have some ideas but i am not sure how i would actualize them.

well, i left rochester and headed towards watertown, but it was further than i thought so i ended up staying in oswego. i stopped there and got out to walk around. i walked over the oswego river which was only a half mile from where it met lake ontario. wow. i have never before lake ontario so i decided i would walk along the river and go to the lake. i made it to some industrial area where the forced you off the river. then i found a little museum. included in the museum was the last steam powered barge to operate in the new york canal system.

it was just open so i walked in and around, thought about how romantic the idea of living and working on a barge in the ny canal system would be. but not just any barge, the last steam powered barge. it was decommissioned sometime in the 1980's! after that i just continued strolling about the town. there wasnt much to it, i was hoping for something more but after an hour or two i was back at the truck. so i went to the library for awhile.

what is dragging on me a little right now is the shortening of the days. it is cold in the morning, so i dont tend to get out of my truck until 9 or 10, and it starts getting dark around 6:30 now, here. because i dont want to spend too much money, it is hard for me to find places to just be able to sit and chill out for free after dark. you know, a nice place to read a book. generally it is libraries. which arent very exciting, i would like to always find a nice little coffee shop or something where i could spend a dollar and sit and read, you know by the warmth of a fire or something.

anyway, it has been raining forever and apparently like in the northwest it will be raining or snowing every day until april out here. so, it was with a darkening sky threatening rain that i left for watertown. watertown looked like the biggest town between rochester and burlington so i had some hope for it, but it isnt much. i got here and the little downtown area was confusing. the rain had let up while i was driving, but as soon as i found a place to park and was ready to walk around and explore the town it started raining again.

it was just a trickle, a warning. i explored for an hour or two and then it started pouring. i still hadnt found the library or any other place that looked like i could be there for hours, doing nothing but reading or checking the internet. so i sat in my truck for a few minutes. that is not what i wanted. i spend so much time in confined space as it is, while i am awake and the sky is still light i want to have my legs outstretched and be able to move around at leisure. not in watertown though.

i drove around for a bit and eventually found the library. hidden in plain sight. i had walked by it a few times but there wasnt a sign and the entrance was on the side of the building sort of down an alley. i went in and appreciated the lights and the warmth the comfy chairs, etc.

eventually it had to close though. i had parked a few blocks away and could stay there. so i went back to the truck and tucked in. i watched a film and made some soup. what an ordeal. eventually i fell into slumber and slept fitfully. as i knew it would, the nights have gotten a bit colder than are comfortable. i have just a thin blanket, like you would use on a regular bed in a regular house with regular heat and insulation and those kinds of protective things. the metal box i am in has holes and transfers were the cold quickly into my cave. the wind makes the branches in the trees whisper and i think that maybe there are people near. the gusts make my truck sway and i wonder if someone is watching and wonders if i am inside.

basically, right now, i am filled with a fair amount of paranoia. not something i am used to. i am not scared so much, but on edge, sort of waiting for something to happen. maybe i have always been like this and i just find things in my life to ascribe it too. thats something to look into. when i got up this morning there was frost on the windows and i couldnt see out. i put on some socks and tried to bundle up a bit more. not much use. generally i will sit and read for an hour or so after i wake up, but i was too cold to have my arms out fromt he covers so i just sat there for a half hour or so, freezing, trying to heat the cabin with my exhaling breath.

that didnt work. so i decided to just take it. i got my book and started reading. it doesnt help that the book i am reading right now is horrible. seriously, the worst book that i have read in a long time. if i were somewhere else i would just put it down and write it off. whats the point now? might as well power through it, maybe there is some lightness at the end of the darkness.

so, my plan now is to blaze on through the northeast. like when i was in the great plains, i just drove through the vast emptiness. i am on my way to portland maine. first burlington, monpelier, augusta. maybe some other places, but i gotta start my southerly path soon, chase the weather.