my lifes opening act / the will to get there

well, i have broken some cardinal rules, and for that, i apologize. first off, i left cambridge the other night. i was there for one night after spending one night in salem, for the witches, you know. being in cambridge was odd. i quickly remembered a bit about being there before and found my starting point. that favorite restaurant that we frequented, the pu-pu hot pot. i saw it and parked.

the pu pu!

from there it was just a matter of time before things came back. i walked up mass ave and saw the little club that i had the opportunity to see billy bragg at in 2004. i didnt see him that time, i didnt see him when i had the chance in 2003 either. i love billy bragg, but each time were in activist situations and there were other things.

in 2003, in miami, it was the night before the "start" of the protests. (i put that in quotes becasue many of us there had been protesting for weeks, but this was the eve of the mass demonstrations.) there, we stayed to watch dead prez but left to prepare and rest before billy bragg came on. in 2004 billy bragg was playing a show to support the black tea society, my friend evan was opening, and was able to get a number of us in to see the show. but not enough of us. instead of breaking up and some seeing the show and some not we decided to just not go.

looking back, i wouldve liked to have seen him perform at least once, especially since i had such great opportunities. anyway. from that little club i knew i was close to the house that we stayed at. of course, i had no idea where it really was, i probably never did. i just knew to get off the t and then walk to blocks and turn. or something of the sort. this time, i let my legs and my memory guide.

as evidenced in prior comments my memory of 2004 isnt the greatest. i walked around for awhile looking for the things i knew about the place. near the house was a little park, i remember this clearly because this was where i became friends with the snitch anna. a few of us had left the house and went out to walk around, we fond this little park and sat there talking for awhile. some people smoked pot, she was one of them, i didnt. a person from the neighborhood came and chatted with us for awhile and i just remember it being a really good evening.

the other thing i knew about the house was that it had a peace sign laid in stone in the driveway, i remember this because the landlord was putting it in while we were there and i talked to him about it specifically. so, those were my marks, i recalled some of the street names, but not with any authority that i could trust. because many of them looked familiar. eventually i did find the little playground, much changed from my memory, and just a few houses up from there, the peace sign laid in a driveway looking like it had been there forever.

and next to it was the house. the flop house for the black tea society and dnc 2 rnc march organizers. i doubt that it isnt anything like that now, at least it gave no appearance to be inhabited by activists (you know, ratty garden, bikes and bike parts laying around, outdoor furniture, some kind of flag that depicted the inhabitants disgust with the american empire, you know). i dont know why it meant something to go there, because i dont remember much of it, i dont even think i knew the poeple that actually lived there well.

and by that i mean that while i was there in 2004 i wouldve had a hard time addressing them by name or picking them out of a group. after that i walked to where food not bombs served, but they werent there then. i guess things change.

then i had other things to worry about. something that i havent been putting in writing, because i hadnt known how to handle it in real life, so why put anything down? this is my memory after all. while i was in maine, a young woman propositioned me on the online dating site okcupid.com. now, i am sure i have written it before, i love using online dating sites. i have a partner and am not looking for love, but i like them anyway, i have been on this particular one for nearly 10 years (in various forms). i like trying to know who a person is from a few questions and an essay. i would love being the person in a job who merely screens resumes. i do want to note that, in the 10 plus years i have been on dating sites, i have only met two people from them. both from this site, one was completely random years after we had exchanged notes on the website and the other was on this trip. i guess i am a prude.

moving on, this girl was 19 years old and saw my profile on there. she sent me a mail and asked if i would take her with me. that was an interesting proposition and i considered it. this was before i had randomly run into garrett and i was sorely missing human interaction. on top of that i had recently learned that the people i wanted to see in boston would not be there when i was. so it was an added dismay. we exchanged some mails and i was optimistic, i told her she could come with me, if we got along okay.

she gave me her number and i called her. i ran the scenario by some friends of mine and got mixed responses. but, overwhelmingly, i was counseled to at least meet her. i hate confrontation, add that to the terror i feel about meeting people, i was wrestling with the idea of calling her, let alone actually meeting a person. so, i guess i led her on a bit. i asked some questions, and she didnt give great answers.

at 19, she recently graduated high school and had never traveled before, she wanted this to be her first experience. she didnt have any money or other thing to offer to the well being of the trip. she wanted to go to places and spange for money. she spent much of her time hanging out in harvard square with traveler kids and street punks. specifically the type of people i am trying not to associate myself with on this adventure. mostly, at least. i have no love lost for these folks but my mindset isnt just getting through the day it is of experience and travel, moving and finding myself.

it seemed like this person might be a step backward, especially if she couldnt support herself. at night, in my truck, i would try to imagine sharing the space with another person. the space is cramped with my belongings, i have so many. when making food in there, i can only cook for one. and sleeping in there, especially in this cold, there just didnt seem to be enough room. i was slowly convincing myself to just say no. but it wasnt that easy.

when i got to cambridge i called her. she had just left somewhere to get drunk and advised me to do the same. after driving around for almost an hour looking for a place i could park for the night (permit parking only, everywhere) i took up her advice. because, if she came with, this might be how it is. i got out my fresh bottle of whiskey and a cold beer (thats one nice thing about the weather, no more warm beer) and drank. about five shots of whiskey and two beers. i wasnt piss drunk, but happily drunk. i certainly couldnt have driven if i needed to.

in the morning i was groggy and didnt really like the feeling. it was also freezing, literally i think. i had nothing to do there and just wanted to warm up. to do so i went and sat in a mcdonalds. when the library opened i went there. i decided that i couldnt meet this person. i would have a hard time saying no to her and i really didnt want to extra hassle. so after pumpiing myself up a bit i called her. she didnt answer, so i texted her saying that i couldnt take her. that was easier. she probably wasnt even up yet.

i looked at the map and decided that it was too cold, it felt like snow, the dread. so i decided that i would get on the highway and head south to new york, fast. i called my friend rob, my old friend whom we will discuss later, and made sure he would be around for the weekend and off i went. for only the second time on this trip i got onto an expressway and bolted. south on highway 95 towards new york city.

i passed through providence and all of rhode island. so far i have slept at least one night in every state that i have been in and i wanted to keep that up. i depated staying a night in r.i. but then, there was also connecticut between me and the city, that would stretch another day if i kept up this way. eventually i remembered that i have already slept in all of these states. i have spent days in r.i. and connecticut, i rode my bike through both states in 2004. i didnt need this now. right now i needed to slap my ass and get a move on, south the warmer climes and friends.

art, in new haven

i eventually stopped in new haven. new haven, i am told, is the first planned city in the untied states. the downtown forms a large square of nine distinct smaller squares. in the center is a large public green and all around is yale university. i had no idea, prior to yesterday, where yale was. it is an old school and the buildings are really beautiful. but, it was raining there so i sought shelter quick. i found the library and went in there for a bit. when i came out it was snowing.

fucking snowing. the dread.

it was a large slush snow that fluttered down like snow but instantly became water when it hit the ground, so not snow snow but snow nonetheless. i looked at the sky, shook my head and went back into the library. i guess i would just shut the library down and then find a place to sleep. no real walking time in the city of new haven. when the library did close, the snow had stopped. the rain had mostly stopped as well so i did walk around a bit. not much, but i was hungry and was recommended a good pizza place that was only a few blocks from the library.

i walked over there, but it was too expensive for me, i have been spending too much money lately. so i retired to my truck, and drove around looking for a place to sleep. it was easier than in cambridge, but still no real joy. once in the back, i cooked my self a meal of amy's organic alphabet soup and crackers. i sat back and watched a movie while the temperature dipped and dipped. the hot soup satisfied my hunger and after the movie i went to sleep. i slept better than i have in awhile.

in the morning, i dressed and washed my dish. it was still cold in the morning and washing my dish was a bit of a chore. i had to use cold water and a steel sponge in the cold weather, washing my only dish before it became too crusted for just some water to clean. i feel so wierd in the morning, when i am doing my daily chores to prepare for a day. i mean, i look like a bum, and i am washing a tiny steel pot on the side of the road in front of a clear living space in the back of a pickup truck. i wonder if the people feel bad for me. they shouldnt, but they probably do, they probably shame me also. anyway.

i decided to keep on with the track i had set up the previous day. get to new york, quick. see my people, enjoy my time and then get further south, quick. i mentioned it already, but i was driving on the expressway i-95. this is only the second time on the trip i consciously drove the expressway to get on with my trip. the first was after my truck broke down in illinois. and i feel like i am copping out a little bit, my plans. oh, my plans. i had some great plans for this leg of the journey.

although i couldnt tell you the route the dnc 2 rnc march took, i wanted to revisit that in the truck and when i got to new london ct, i was going to take a ferry to long island. i have always wanted to be on one of those ferries with vehicles and people and water all around, that wouldve been awesome. but i powered through new london, i didnt even check the ferry prices. long island was out of the picture, all that i focused on was bronxville, new york.

let me draw this out. or draw it up, whichever. i am sure i have told this story before, but for the sake of being complete i will repeat it. and i will be as honest as i can remember. when i was 19, the day of my 19th birthday i stole my parents car and drove to new york to meet someone that i had been chatting with online. when i say stole, i mean it to sound more dramatic than it actually was. my parents were letting me borrow the car to drive around the region, i was using it to commute to work - from chicago to indiana.

a couple days before i turned 19 i had to leave the apartment i was subletting and i had been fired from my job. i didnt tell anyone about this. i packed all of my things in the car and drove around, sleeping in the car or at my parents house. they had a small gathering to celebrate the beginning of my 19th year on this planet and after that, about an hour after that, i got in the car and left for new york. as they didnt know i was homeless and jobless, they didnt know i was leaving to new york. i drove there in two days or so, to bronxville to meet my friend tiffany.

a week or so after i was there i had established a friendship with tiffany and she allowed me to stay in her apartment, three bedrooms at 18 plamer ave. around that time i called my parents, told them i was in new york and that i wasnt coming back, sorry about your car. i dont remember them being very unhappy at the turn of events, but i am sure they werent pleased. tiffany shared the apartment with another lady, virginia, and the third bedroom housed a drum set. after awhile i was allowed to rent the third bedroom for super cheap. i found a job, well, literally a job found me. just below our apartment was a convenient store called gillards, at 20 palmer ave.

18-20 palmer ave

i was standing outside smoking a cigarette when the manager of the video section of the store asked me if i wanted a job. his name was casey, and he was my neighbor, he lived across the hall at 18 plamer ave. i said yes, and i was to start right then. i asked if i could run upstairs and put on some shoes. that was granted and i was trained to use the cash register and met the owners. and that was that. no interview, no application, just pulled off the street, it was awesome.

i worked there, under the table, for the duration of my living in new york, about 9 months. i was paid $325/wk, my rent was $300/month. it was a great situation. i became good friends with the owners son, rob and another guy that worked there, john. john was about 50, rob was 30, i was 19. we got along famously. one of casey's roommates was another friend of ours, his name was mike. he was also about 30. every sunday the four of us would drive or take the train into the city and have lunch and walk around exploring. it was such an eye-opening time for me.

anyway, that was 10 years ago. after i left i came back once in late 2000 for rob's first major art opening. i wrote about that extensively in my journals from that time period. that was the beginning of my travels, i guess. when i was 18 i had taken a quick getaway trip with my girlfriend at the time to new york and once in between that and moving to new york i drove to dallas for a week or so, again to meet someone i was chatting with on the internet. but, to me, my traveling started on august 16th 1999. and over the past 10 years i have spent just over a full year in travel mode. i am pretty happy about that.

today, when i left new haven, i was nervous and excited about getting to bronxville. 9 years since i have been here and since i have talked to these friends of mine here. in early 2003 i typed up all of my old journals and stored them safely on the web, then sent all of the original journals to rob here in new york. surprisingly he has read them all and kept them all. i think that is awesome. i consider him the caretaker of my estate. that is for when i become a renowned writer or something. i had considered asking for all of those things back while i am here, but when he told me that he read them all and has them out in various places that he stays, i guess they are his now and no longer mine at all. thats sad and wonderful at the same time.

i came into bronxville on new york state highway 15, and i couldnt hold back the memories of my awakening here. so much was running through my mind, rob is 40 now and married. mike lives in philadelphia, and john must be 60 and still works in the store with rob. he says they still recall the time we spent together fondly and talk about some of the things we got up to back in the day. crazy.

when i got here, i walked around the old streets and let memories fill my mind. many of the shops i remember are gone now and i got a bit lost driving around looking for palmer ave, but i never really drove around here anyway, i always walked or took the train. in a little bit am going to meet up with rob again and see how that goes. i am nervous. but i love being in this kind of situation.