left to his own devices / world destruction

harumph. chicago hasnt been as i thought it would. i was thinking that since i grew up around here there would be more people excited upon my arrival. but, my old friends, many of whom i have made ungracious departures from over the years must just be tired of my face. and the older friends that have found me on facebook, i guess social networking via the internet doesnt automatically translate into making people real. oftentimes i just miss the friends i have in portland.

anyway, on tuesday night, alex ended up coming back to the city and with nick and a host of other people we went to a place called the liars club. this was my choice, i wanted to meet up with my old friend rachael, whom i met in boston at the dnc. she was the media liasion for the dnc 2 rnc march and the person i stay with last time i visited chicago. we got to the club and it wasnt what we had expected at all. it was two floors, the bottom was dancing to very loud dance music, and the top floor was a very poor dj that tried to mask his talent by making the music even louder than the loud stuff from downstairs.

the folks that we were there with quickly became unhappy with being there, and decided to leave. i wanted to find rachael, but also didnt really like the place so i decided to do one more pass through and then set off with them to the next bar. well, on that pass i saw her sitting at the bar downstairs, she immediately recognized me and that was nice. we tried to chat for a bit, but the music was way to loud and a caravan of the people i came with had already left. we yelled in each other ears for a few more minutes, making plans for the weekend.

thankfully nick had waited for me and with him we went to find the rest of the crowd at a neighborhood bar near where i have been staying. the bar called g and l, i think, is a firemans bar and when i got there it was very low key. as we progressed to close the bar down the key only got lower. at one point i was the only person in the bar except for this lady who had just gotten off the plane from england. i tried chatting her up to make the situation less uncomfortable, but she just kept looking surprised at the things that i was asking her and gave shitty answers i was thankful when everyone we were with came back in from smoking.

shortly after that i was ready to just rest and started back to my truck. however, alex said that he was going back to indiana and gave me the key to the apartment so i could sleep in his room! what a blessing. i had parked my truck in front of his bar so i could pick up on their wireless, but that bar wouldnt close for another hour or so, and i was kind of dreading trying to rest or be in there with a bunch of people just outside talking and smoking. it makes me nervous when there are people just outside my truck, i cant see them so i only wonder if they have any idea i am in there.

so, i went upstairs, no sign of the irishmen. i went into the bedroom, locked the door and slept. for a good long time. the next day when i woke up i didnt want to get out of bed, so i laid in bed watching shows on my computer for most of the day. just the kind of lazy day i had been missing. eventually i got out of bed and decided that i should accomplish something. so i got dressed and went outside. i didnt really want to drive around the city and look for things to do, parking is expensive and hard to obtain plus i like where i am parked and there is pretty good mass transit here.

the el train

so i walked to the el train and bought a 7 day pass for the cta. i got an explanation from the person how to use the card and he gave me some maps and told me where to get off for where i wanted to go. where i wanted to go was the musuem of books and paper or something. i had read about it online and it looked interesting. it was inside a college, so i tried to roam around more like i did in columbia, but this place wasnt having it. all the doors were locked and i only had access to the little museum. it wasnt as grand as i had imagined, so after walking around there for awhile i left. i went out to grant park and there they have an organic vegetable garden.

however, it doesnt appear that anyone is harvesting the vegetables! so, i helped myself to some carrots, some peas, and a zucchini. they had tons of greens (kale, chard, lettuces) that were just growing and dying right there. the carrots had never been thinned and needed it badly. it was a nice garden, at one point a lady asked me if i tended the garden, she asked it in a way that made me think she had been looking for someone that tends it for awhile and has never seen anyone in there. i told her no, but that many of the things were ready for harvest. she looked a bit disgusted at the idea of taking something that she wasnt given permission to have first. oh well.

i walked around grant park more and i saw the building of a large stage, it looked like some sort of festival was going on. i thought about going over to it, but i wasnt really up for it, so i walked back into the city. i saw some banners for lollapalooza 2009 in grant park and decided that must be whats setting up there. i didnt know lollapalooza was still a thing.

i walked around the city streets for awhile and then i just wanted to go back to the apartment and watch more shows. so i did that and by the time dark rolled around i was hungry, so i set off on foot looking for something for take out. i found a little area about ten blocks up from me and got some chinese food. and at that moment i felt that i was city living. and if i were to live in a big city this is how i would want it. then i went back, watched more shows and went to bed.

next day i still didnt want to be motivated early. it was almost noon when i got on the train to downtown. this time, however, i didnt have any sort of agenda. i was just going to get off and walk around again, maybe ride the el trains and get to places i have never been before. who knows. i ended up back near grant park and got a sandwich that i wanted to eat. i walked around looking for a nice place to sit and eventually i was at the gates of lollapalooza. it wasnt set to start until tomorrow, so there was a bunch of activity going on behind the fences they had constructed.

i figured i would find something worthwhile in there, so i found a weak area and sneaked right on into the grounds. it was amazingly easy to do so. i found myself backstage, behind one of the main stages. there were a number of workers setting up lighting and sound equipment, i just looked as if i belonged there and walked in a clear line towards some other tent. once there, i looked around and made a bead on another place to walk towards as if i belonged there. this happened to be to lollapalooza lounge area. not bad. i found a tent and sat inside to eat my sandwich.

after sitting there awhile a crew came by and started working near me. i didnt want to get caught just yet so i packed up and let toward somewhere else. that else place happened to be the wine bar, and there wasnt anyone around guarding it...at least no one that could see me. i helped myself to a bottle and scampered away lest i be seen. i walked clear across to the other main stage. i popped into the playstation tent, but there were a number of people in there. i looked around and nodded as if i were inspecting the place. when i left i slapped the person nearest the door on the back and told him that things were looking good, good job.

ah, the refreshment

then i was outside and laughed hysterically to myself for a minute and realized i needed to get out of the open just now. i saw some tents that were on stilts so they would have better vantages for the two stages on this end, and i made my way up there. these turned out to be cabanas that companies rented for their guests. i found one i liked and sat in there for awhile drinking my bottle of wine and writing postcards. some people would pop their heads in but quickly pop out so as not to disturb me, because apparently i belong there.

after awhile, a lady showed up and asked me who i was with. luckily i had texted a friend and found out at least one band that was playing...bassnectar. i told her i was with bassnectar and her eyes lit up a little and started rattling things off about them, she seemed a bit starstruck, but i didnt know anything about the festival or bassnectar. i was happy when i got a phone call from an unknown number, so i didnt have to keep pretending my way until i got kicked out as a fraud. it was my friend ricky in san diego and he read off a list of bands that were playing and told me that it isnt a touring festival this year, only this one in chicago this weekend. i was happy to know some things about this fest and through our phone call, the lady left.

i was pretty much done there anyway, i had planned to drink the whole bottle of wine, but it wasnt going down so easy. the lady did pass on a tidbit to me. she asked me if we (bassnectar) were staying across the street with all the other bands. i took this and walked across the street. there was the chicago hilton, a very fancy hotel and my next adventure.

i went over to the hotel and walked in as if i knew where i was going. always, i look for stairs first to get me out of the lobby quick. i dont want to be standing and waiting for an elevator looking like an idiot for awhile. when i take the elevator i want to be getting out on the main floor so it looks like i already belong there. the stairs i found led up the ballrooms which were occupied by a college convention. i found some elevators on that floor and rode them to the top. the elevators i had didnt go all the way to the top, you needed a key card to get to the penthouse levels. so i went as high as i could and made my next move.

the spiral staircase

that was into the service area of the 25th floor. in the service area are service elevators. the service elevators generally go to all of the floors, and do not require a card. this one got me to all four of the penthouse levels. i went to the top one and there was a north and south penthouse with a grand piano in the waiting room between them. i found the stairs and looked for roof access. or something better. i found a bunch of locked doors, a spiral staircase that went between all the penthouse levels and a few other service areas.

i looked around for awhile and eventually decided that i needed to employ my very poor lock picking skills if i was getting on the roof. i made it through two locked doors, but i couldnt get the third to open for me. i was in a very dark room with a bunch of equipment, some alarms and a computer. it was really eerie. i tried for about ten minutes on the lock, not really caring about the damage i was doing, and gave up. there was no light under the door, so it didnt lead directly to the roof, and i didnt want to be caught breaking and entering at the chicago hilton when a number of high profile guests were there, you know?

so i went back down the spiral staircases and through all the rooms i had acquainted myself with. i found the 25 th floor again and decided to go back down. i went to the 24th floor and there i found the executive lounge. there was soda, coffee, tea, fresh fruit, pretzels, a computer and some tvs. i sat in the lounge for awhile drank some tea, had an orange. i was waiting for the guy to get off of the computer so i could post an update from the 24th floor of the chicago hilton. but no luck. it was starting to get on in the evening and i had wanted to go back to the house to shower before i went on my next adventure.

so i found the el and made it back to the house, had a shower and then was off. my next adventure was first thursdays in chicago. i saw it online and it was close, on superior ave between wells and orleans. i took the el there and started walking around. the first thing that struck me was that there werent any people milling about for the art walk. then i started going into the galleries, the first one had wine, and pottery for $22,000. i went through more galleries, but there werent many and eventually i fond one where the guy talked to me. he told me that this was more upscale and not all the galleries participate in it. then he said that there was one more to what i was seeking down in pilsen.

ah, pilsen. i used to live there for about three months in 1998. he told me how to get there on the el, and i set off again. brown line to the pink line, pink line get off at 18th. but thats all he told me. so when i got off i had no idea where i was going. for the next hour i radiated through pilsen searching for an art walk. i saw a white kid on a bike with a painting and tried to go where he came from but then i saw another going in the opposite direction. i was a little bit lost and getting tired from walking, so i decided to just go back to the el and go home. it was getting dark anyway.

today, i am going to try to sneak into lollapalooza for real.

mending the wounds of the past, in the present

well, after i wrote about getting to chicago i sucked it up and went on to find my friend alex. alex has been in my life since i was 15 or 16 years old, he reached out to me after i moved from one high school to another. around my 12-16 years i was more or less a klepto. i would steal from anywhere, anyone, for any reason. he saw me going to lunch at the grocery store where i would steal an apple or some other piece of fruit everyday. then he talked to me. then he came over to my house and we were friends.

we had similar interests, we did drugs together and we didnt really like the school that we went to or the people that treated us poorly for being different. at some point we decided that it would be a good idea to call attention to some of the injustices that we saw around the school, so we collaborated to produce and disseminate an underground newspaper. the cold page.

really, it was just a sheet of paper that had a nice layout and contained articles from students and people related to the school about things that we didnt like. at the time, i at least, didnt see any merit in mixing stories of things we did like with things we didnt so the little endevour came off rather negatively. the weekend before we were going to release the first issue of the newspaper we had a release party in my parents basement. this is where i met steve and many of the other people that would become my friends in high school. we ended up getting suspended for the action and released three other issues (i am pretty sure), and i think we got suspended each time we released one.

me and alex, now.

so, i gathered the courage to go see this person, one of the better friends i have ever had in my life. i drove over to his bar, called the black rock, on addison and damen in chicago. i found a place to park, parking is hard the bigger the city, and then walked to the bar and went inside. it was strange. there werent many folks at the bar and alex stands out in a way that made me easy to find him. as with others, it was quick to fall back into i-just-saw-you-yesterday mode. we bantered for a bit, he got me a beer, and then he had to work some. he is the cook there so i went back to the kitchen and hung out with him just talking and catching up for awhile.

it was nice, it felt very natural. we talked for awhile in and out of the kitchen, and it was very enjoyable. then he called some cavlary. that cavlary was called nick perez, aka the reason i havent talked to any of these people in 5 years. see, i experienced one of my lowest most shameful moments at his and his wifes expense way back when. they were set to get married and i happened to be in town for their marriage. i wasnt invited to the wedding but attended it anyway, but i didnt go alone.

ever the sleuth i used the internet to find a date on short notice. i do not remember this persons name, but i wish i did. she agreed to have me pick her up, a complete stranger, and take her to a wedding reception where she would be surrounded by a bunch of wierd people. i appreciate the gusto to do that sort of thing, i am not sure that i would be able to do it. but she did and we enjoyed being together at the reception, consuming copious amounts of alcohol.

when the reception ended a number of us went back to the hotel where the bride and groom were staying as well as a number of people in the wedding. i wasnt staying there, and although i wasnt even invited i knew these people well enough to make it to the someones room at the hotel, where everyone was continuing the party. my date and i were getting frisky and i asked alex to steal me a room key, the key i asked for was also the wedding chamber. in my drunken stupor/lack of respect for the sanctity of marriage i took the key and went with my date to the wedding chamber and we commenced making out. i dont think we made out on the bed (complete with rose petals) but we kept on for longer than we should and eventually there was a knock on the door.

this is where the shame comes in, because clothes had to be thrown on and at the door was pretty much the entire party from the room. including the bride, the groom, the best people/maids of honor, and many of these people held the sanctity of marriage in higher respect than i did. i was berated a bit and a new room was bought, i was so drunk that i didnt really care. people were crying and i just didnt care. alex offered to take me and my date back to my car and in that space those emotions, that was the last time i saw and spoke to many of the friends that existed in my life before i moved from indiana to new york.

after the fact i felt bad and thats why i wasnt able to force myself to make amends. i decided that my life was in a different direction anyhow, so i could just cut this part loose and move on. keep my head high and never talk about what happened again. well, not so. at some point i broke down and called nick to apologize, we didnt actually talk. and then on this trip, actually when i joined facebook, i resolved to see these people again, make proper amends, apologize and move on. i like these people.

so, when nick came, i apologized to him and quickly we fell back into how things were, mostly. we were never the greatest of friends, so it is no surprise that we arent right now, but it was nice to catch up and hear that he and his wife dont hold my actions against me, that it is more of a joke to them than anything else. that is not how all of the people that were present that night feel, but the people that i know the best, luckily, they dont hold my past against me. and that is a strong building block for a relationship, forgiveness.

nick, alex, diane, now.

after nick and i caught up a bit, we started walking to my truck so i could bestow upon him a belated wedding/i'm-sorry gift that i had gotten him near flagstaff arizona. it was just a red rock, but also a symbol. while we were walking another old friend of mine came up, diane. diane and i were very close friends for a number of years, a maid of honor at nick's wedding and therefore one of the people that i had decided to never talk to again after my, um, incident.

diane made me one of the best presents i have ever gotten in my life. when i was moving to oregon she put together a little picture book that sort of gave a storyline of our friendship. there was a picture on one page and on the opposite a hand written explanation about it, it was very thoughtful and super nice. thats the type of person she is. i am constantly amazed that the people in my life, as nice and wonderful as they are, are happy to be my friend. i oftentimes dont feel like i am deserving of having such good people always there looking out for me.

diane and i caught up a bit, she has had some rough years since we last talked and it was sad to hear about them. it also made me happy to fall back into being someone that she felt comfortable telling things about her life, i just feel like an idiot for ever thinking that i could cut these folks off forever. i have people like this in portland, and i tried to cut them off and right now i feel even stupider knowing that more great people are out there and will always look out for me and i have entertained the idea of ditching them.

anyway, around this time alex got done with work and the four of us sat and drank the night away, having conversation together and separate, it was very enjoyable. at some point diane had to cut out because she worked in the morning, but alex nick and i kept on, we were in the bar until almost 4:am, at that time we went onto the roof of the bar where alex made cheese sandwiches with a blowtorch and we drank a bit more. then it was really time for bed.

alex offered for me to sleep on his couch, but he just had a room in an apartment that didnt seem very desirable with a bunch of irishmen. i opted to sleep in my truck, because i would want to sleep late and be comfortable in my own space. there were a lot of reasons, and i was happy to just be able to go back to my safe place where i didnt have many things to worry about. i quickly fell asleep and didnt wake up enough to start my day until past 11:am.

alex and i got together and went over to nicks house, but he wasnt having being awake at this time. so we left and did some shopping, then went out to lunch. mostly we just hung out as if nothing ever happened, and that is so fucking nice. then we went back to nicks and he was awake then. we hung out at his place for a bit, watched a movie and i played with his cats, they were awesome. alex went to work and i stayed over at nicks for a little bit, but eventually went back to alex's bar and used some internet. also, alex made me some of the food we had purchased earlier. that food was chicken hearts on a skewer. they were pretty good.

i was in touch with diane and she came over to the bar as well, i wanted to go out and do something, but she wasnt being very helpful for things to do. eventually we decided on going up to lincoln square to walk around and see the shops and stuff. it was nice to get out of the bar atmosphere and have more one on one time to talk with each other. i heard more about her life the past years and felt bad that i have never been the best friend to the people that i care about and that care about me. lincoln square didnt last long and we found ourselves back at the bar. she was tired and went home shortly after we got back.

i was tired also, but alex had plans for us to go out and play bar bingo after he got off, and eventually that got scrapped. instead we just went to a different bar down the street. he was there was some other friends and i was tired so i cut out of there pretty quickly...even though they had a great special: 75 cent cans of beer! i just went back to my truck and was swiftly asleep.

the next day alex and i had planned to hit some museums, with his kid. alex got married young and had a kid. i think he asked me to be in the wedding, but i said no. mostly because i wasnt around but also i wasnt really into the idea of weddings at the time. i am still not, but whatever. now alex's kid, max, is 9 years old and a real person. last time i saw him he was only 3 or 4 and very shy. we picked him up and set off for the art institute of chicago.

i had read online that it was free today, but we found that to be untrue and instead went to millenium park. millenium park, i am pretty sure, is where barack obama was crowned king of the world. it is not something that ever existed in chicago when i was coming up, so we walked around it. there was some nice sculptures and water features, and a large pavilion. in the pavilion the symphony was currently practicing so we went and watched for awhile. then we left to another museum.

this one was the international museum of surgical science. it was free today and turned out to be a pretty good museum. more off the wall than like a natural history or science museum and just easy to walk around in and not pretentious at all. max also enjoyed this place, and that was nice. he warmed up to me pretty quick and we were all having a good time hanging out together. i do admit though that it was strange to be with this kid who is a real person now and i saw when he was just a baby.

max and alex at navy pier

then we moved on. continued doing some touristy stuff that i wanted to do and max did also, alex maybe not so much but he kept up with us. next, we went to navy pier. this was a tourist trap built in the late nineties but nothing that i ever went to. we walked around and i did my best to get the two of them involving in some of my sneaking. but max, poor child, loves following the rules and alex keeps up with his kid on this front. i did get them to steal some plants and sneak around the convention center on the pier for a bit.

we were starting to get a bit pooped by then but still had more to go. we drove around for awhile and eventually made our way back to the north side, near clark and belmont. near where i spent alot of time as a youth. we walked around there and went to some stores, i bought a hat. then we were all thoroughly tired and alex had to take max back to indiana. i debated going back with them, but alex wasnt sure he would come back to chicago and i didnt really want to leave my truck and all of my things in the city without me. so i opted to stay in the city and use the internet. i think i made the right choice, but the night is still young.

the past is upon us

well, hello chicago. after yesterday being overall a bad day i had some hope that this one couldnt rival it. so far, so good. it is always strange to wake up in my truck after i havent been in it for awhile. it is a hard sleep and when i wake my body is often contorted in an odd way, some parts of my body are very cold and others very warm, there is a bit of dumb wonder as my brain catches up with the world around me. then i am sad for a moment and then i am happy for the day.

that moment of sadness is when i think of this life that i was living and had left, and other various times in my life where living was better than this. i dont think there has ever been a time when the adventure was better, but certainly the living has been. and the happiness is just me realizing the potential for this day and this life. there is always a reason to be happy, and generally the hope overwhelms the sorrow.

anyway. i sat in the truck for about a half hour, awake. then my body demanded movement and i was forced to oblige. it was cold out, the windows were frosted, so i put on pants and my hoodie. i wanted to find a place to use the computer so i drove around and i was in desperate need of gas. i did a good job losing the police last night and i was sufficiently devoid of direction, so i just went until i hit a major road and calibrated from there. of course it was in the wrong direction, but i got some gas and some breakfast at a grocery store then set off to find a coffee shop where i could sit for awhile and use the old web.

for a college town, there is quite a lack of coffee houses. or maybe i was just in the wrong places. i drove around for about 14 miles until i found something. it wasnt starbucks but it was close, but i was pretty confident they would have what i was looking for. they did. i sat there for awhile and enjoyed the internet and then i wanted to accomplish what i had come to this city for. the city was urbana-champaign illinois. the reason was the global headquarters of indymedia. now, really, ucimc is NOT the global headquarters, but they allowed themselves to be described as such back in the rivalry days.

true, there was a bit of a rivalry between two ideologies in the indymedia movement, and i helped fan the flame. the ideologies were media reform and media revolution. the portland ideology that i represented at the conferences and convergences i attended was revolution. tear down the traditional media structure and replace it. lodged firmly on the reform side were the leaders of ucimc, they went so far as having a paid staff and they bought a building in downtown urbana illinois. the building is an old post office, huge, and i visited it today. and it was a pretty cool thing.

i admit, when i was walking up to it and i saw the indymedia flags flying from the flagpoles a wave of pride washed over me. because whether or not i agreed with their practices, that movement was something i represented and defended vehemently at one point in my life. i looked at that as if it were a personal accomplishment even if i was more of a hinderance to this place than a help. anyway, i walked around a bit but didnt see any imc folks, there was a church function happening in the main room and i just perused the library and the few public rooms then i left. if i were still involved in indymedia i might have searched out someone, but towards the end of my run the folks at this place didnt hold me in very high regard so i wouldnt expect a very warm welcome if i did find someone.

i went back to my truck and made a quick decision. chicago, today. originally i had planned to be in urbana champaign for a day or two and maybe somewhere else along the way but after the events of yesterday i felt that it would be safest to just get someplace where i knew people. i got in touch with two people that i was closest with and alerted them to my plan. i have yet to actually tell them i am here, but whatevs.

now is the time where everything is supposed to come gushing forth. everything means memories. and some of them did. the closer i got to the city, the denser the traffic was and i was overtaken with awe (i guess) when the sears tower came into view. when i passed through harvey illinois i remembered my first bike trip that i went on with steve back when i was like 17 and an idiot. at cermak rd i started remembering this person i once dated named kelly. at halsted i started remembering when i lived in pilsen for a few months and the hell that was. when i got onto lake shore dr coming up to all the shows i saw at the fireside bowl and the metro started flooding me a bit. it was intense. so was the traffic.

i had plenty of time to indulge these memories because traffic was a crawl as soon as i got onto lake shore dr and persisted until i got past clark on belmont. see, although i grew up outside this large city and came here quite a bit in my youth, even lived here for a spell, i have really only ever gone to a few places. one of them was the north side, around the fireside bowl or wrigleyville. so i just headed in that direction, i figured at least i would find a place to get some more information or walk around streets i revered in my youth. but really, i think i am just putting off calling my friends and making this real. maybe i am just a pussy.

leaving and breaking: a travelers tale

coming into it, i knew august was going to be a month that held some rough patches. however, i was not planning on them beginning the first day of the month. yes, right this moment, i am typing from my truck while waiting for aaa to come tow me because it appears the driveshaft has fallen off. now now, i knew there were some problems happening in this truck, i was hoping that the dumb thing would hold up until i got to indiana. not the case.

shit.

since i have been planning for this, i am not really too put out right now, and certainly not mad. but it is a rough start. especially since i had a rather pleasant last day in st louis. i spent most of the morning just bumming around the house, writing and relaxing, and then when alison got back from work we went to lunch and then rode bikes around the neighborhood.

the low rider, and me

but not just any old bikes, mind you. she rode an adult tricycle and i was on an old school low rider. it was a pretty hilarious sight to behold, and not the easiest thing in the world. it took a few minutes, but eventually i was able to make the low rider go with the pedals (not just walking it while sitting). the left pedal wouldnt revolve all the way becasue it was too close to the arm, so it kept trying to push my foot off and that made riding difficult, but i managed. eventually i figured out how to correct that and it became rather easy, except for going up hills. that was impossible.

the tricycle was another story. i have tried to ride one of those before, i am not sure when but sometime in portland and i remember it being very hard, but that i was able to do it. this time, no way. i was able to get on it and turn the pedals but i wasnt able to make it go straight. i just kept going in circles, it was the hardest bike i had ever tried to ride. and i felt like an idiot for that, because clearly it should be easy, its three wheels! but, i think my problem is that i kept trying to balance as if i were on two wheels and i shifted my body weight improperly for maneuvering. or i am just an idiot.

that didnt last very long, but it sure was fun and tiring. when 5:pm started to roll around our activity for the night was ripe. our mission, was to conquer city museum. city museum is not like any museum i have ever been too or that i have ever heard existed. it isnt so much a museum as it is a playground. the first time i was there was in 2005, it was at night, and adults only.

notice the free bracelet

this time it was still light out when we got there and we were supposed to pay to get in. what they have are bracelets. blue ones give you access to the museum, orange ones get you on the roof, and another color gets you into the aquarium. in the trash can just outside the entrance we found a number of once used bracelets that we were able to fashion on our wrists. we only got blue ones, that saved us the price of admission $10 each. kind of like sneaking in, but we just went through the front door waved our bracelets and the museum awaited us.

this time there were also kids present. actually, it was mostly kids. my only other experience from here was adults only so i had assumed that it was mostly adults that enjoyed this place. with all the kids running around and the whole world of this place open to us we decided to go first to the bar. i generally just drink beer, but you cant roam this place with beers, so we started talking about shots. i am not a shot person, but the bartender helped us a little and we ended up with a shot of jamison each. to take the edge off.

after the jamison and some winces, we climbed the steps. i think the first room we really came to was the skate park. this is a skate park similar to any you would find in the world, except this is indoors and only for people to run and play on. we ran around in the there and slide down the ramps, it was joyous. i convinced some smaller kids to roll down the ramps instead of sliding down, what fun. then i noticed a door that led off somewhere. i couldnt see where, and there arent many off limits places, so i went inside. alison followed and soon we were on our knees.

the door led to a maze that was pitch black and went underneath some risers in the next room, the maze conveniently got smaller the further in you ventured. also, the maze went under the skate ramps in the skate park. how awesome. after that crawling, however, our knees were sore and we were barely even into the museum. we went back out and found a slide to go down, incidentally this was also the slide that we convinced naomi klein to slide down when we were here last.

once down we found the door to the outside and immediately started climbing up the welded structures that veered off in all kinds of directions, there seemed to be limitless options and we just took the first in our path. up and up we climbed through welded tubes and tunnels, eventually we made it to the airplane that is welded outside. we played the controls for a bit then went to the space shuttle. that place had been pretty well taken over by the birds, so we found a different path down and went back. we found some slides out there and enjoyed them. there was a balance beam that crossed over water that many kids were trying.

the view from the top

we tried as well, and i was very happy i didnt fall in, there was a moment at the end that i almost lost my balance. what is awesome about this place, aside from little to nothing being off limits is that if you fell off this beam, you would be soaking wet. consequences. we were out there for more and then decided we wanted to do the rooftop, the new addition. this cost $5 each, but since we hadnt paid to get in it was worth it. we took the elevator to the top and went to the ferris wheel first. we rode that around and it was nice, but it wasnt pointed in a good direction. i could see the rooftop that i used to get into the rams stadium from there, that was memorable.

then we went up to the fastest slide they had there. it was about 50 feet of slide and at a pretty intense angle, there was a line, but we got on and shortly we were next. the slide proved to be a whole lot of fun, so we decided to try it again. but first, the slide starts from up and goes down, right! from the top we saw that underneath was like a tire swing, but bigger. so we walked down there to check it out and we saw the best thing ever, a sign that read "10 story spiral slide this way." HELL YES!

we wanted some of that so we went ahead and got on line for that. i had forgotten at the time that we took the elevator up and i was wondering where the hell a ten story slide would end up at. the line for this was rather long, so we waited and eventually we got up to our turn and went down. how fucking amazing. i was yelling and laughing the entire way down, and it was a long way. when i got to the bottom i kind of rolled out and was super dizzy i almost fell over. and when i regained my senses i looked around.

there was a large organ, and we appeared to be in a subterranean basement, it was so dirty and old and dusty, i was astonished that we made it there. immediately i wanted to do the ten story slide again so we climbed back up ten stories of spiral staircases. it didnt seem that far, and i was surprised when we made it to the top. the line was still there and we decided to check out the rest of the roof because we werent walking up ten flights again. we went down the big slide again, jumped on the bus that was welded in such a way that you felt like you were falling off the building. we went through some stone lily pads up there and then did the rope swing thing. eventually we were ready for the ten story slide again.

and when we went back to it, no line whatsoever. it was great. and the second time down did not disappoint in the least. it was, if anything, funner. once down we started exploring this basement area. the big organ was off limits, but we got the staff to play some songs on it. they were prerecorded. we were in what felt like a cave and there were crevices and places to crawl and it was never ending. eventually we found the end. that was meant to be a joke, but as i write this my humour level is low.

eventually we made it back to the first floor near where we started. i was amazed at that, it felt as if we were really underground. there was a water cave right near where we popped out and alison made friends with a little girl who knew the museum back and forward on this level. she told us all about this water cave we were in. there is a pool that is damp about a foot deep and a path around it. it isnt very big, but every 6 minutes or so a bucket fills with water and tips, creating a flash flood int he area. by bucket i mean about 1000 gallons of water that come rushing through a little rived to flood this area. i didnt get wet, but most others did.

does this place ever end? the answer is no. the little girl adopted us and showed us all around the cave part. it was extensive and we eventually got separated. i ended up in between the first and second floors contorting my body in ways that it shouldnt go, and i probably looked ridiculous. however, i found my way out, alison had sent the little girl to look for me and she found me just as i found alison. we rested for a moment and consulted the clock. we had been playing there for about three hours. awesome.

i was tired, but didnt want to quit. i wanted to go back to the skate ramps and run around some more, the little girl did to and she somehow convinced her mom to let her come with us. crazy. bit the second coming of the skate park was short lived. i was more exhausted than i knew and after only two or three times running up the ramp i fell and cracked my thigh on one of the bars. i felt like i looked like and idiot, and i was in pain. i sat for a few moments and then decided that we were probably done there.

alison said goodbye to the girl and we were out the door. there wasnt much bounce left in our step. gingerly i took off my bracelets, i wanted to keep the love alive and pass them on. a car was pulling in and i tried to give the bracelets to them, but they kind of refused and the security officer was alerted to our giving bracelets away. he said we werent allowed to do that, so we walked on. a little further down the block some kids were walking up and we tried to give the bracelets to them, they were into it, but the security guard was onto us. the kids took them but i think the security guard confiscated them before they made it in.

they call me "mix master"

oh well. we went to get nachos next. at no other than the atomic cowboy. after those, few drinks, and the band, we had work to do. we flyered the cars up and down the block for a planned parenthood benefit the next night. that was fun, really, but shortly after i finished my entire body started to ache and i felt the effects of a day at the city museum. we went home and called it a night.

i had decided and told alison that i would leave today, saturday the 1st. the city museum was our last adventure together. in the morning i did laundry and we went to the farmers market, when we got back i folded my laundry, collected my stuff and left. leaving is always sad, but i thought that everything was on schedule now. it was the first day of a new month, i was moving on again ready to start the hardest month of my journey to date. august. now, as i started this post, i knew august held some trials, but my god, why so many today?

so, my truck had been running pretty poorly recently. it had started to tremble something fierce whenever i was going above 40 mph, and that was most of the time. in addition to the trembling the engine was getting louder and the truck started to hiccup around 75mph. by hiccup, i mean it would jerk for some reason and kind of buck a few times. i left off the gas and it would stop. it was annoying, but i figured if i could make it to indiana then i could be somewhere safe and have someone look at the truck/fix it. the truck had other plans.

i left stl and made it to springfield with no problems, just the usual stuff. i just went to the capitol there and took the tour. it was the worst capitol tour i have been on yet. i didnt explore the town at all, i was just so nervous to get the truck to indiana before something terrible happened.

as i was driving away the trembling and shaking was so bad that my rear doors shook open while i was driving. this happened before, but then i started locking the main door so it wouldnt open. well the truck found a way around my plan. after it happened once, i tried my best to do something, but really just closed the door and locked it again, then i got on the highway. not 5 minutes into it the doors shook open again and this time contents spilled out the back door. my cooler, some bags, and other artifacts. i pulled over quickly and walked back to where the majority of the stuff was. i was able to salvage a bar of soap, the inside handle to one of my doors, two beers, the bottle of whiskey, and the cooler.

then i decided i had to figure something out. the shaking was going to just keep opening the doors and i couldnt keep stopping and picking stuff up. so what i came up with was a bungee cord on the outside handles with both doors locks, that worked pretty well. i made it about forty miles before the real catastrophe struck. i was cruising and i found that the faster i went the less trembling there was, and this was my main concern. however, the faster i went the more frequent and severe the jerking would become. in a fit of stupidity i decided that i would force the ttruck through the jerking, no more letting off the gas, i wanted to ploug through it and get it over with.

and then a particularly bad spurt of jerking came, this time i was only going about 70mph, and felt that if i could push through it maybe a rainbow would be at the other side. well, i laid on the gas and i got to about 75mph before i started dropping speed, but i kept pushing the gas and gaining a bit more, the jerking became viloent and then stopped. there was a crashing noise and then metal on asphalt, i was losing speed and giving it gas did nothing. something had gone wrong, the truck was broken. i pulled over and sat in the cab for a few minutes before i decided call aaa.

this is what it looked like

i didnt even get out of the truck, i didnt want to see what it looked like. i called and told the lady that my transmission had fallen out. i didnt know what was going on. i was kind of laughing kind of freaking out. i was in the middle of nowhere between springfield and decatur illinois. i didnt want to be stuck here, i had places to be. and what if the truck was irrepairable, it would be horrible to have to pack it up here and start again on some other form of transport. after i told the lady my deal and as best i could where i was, i decided to get out and see what was what. i had an hour to kill anyway.

i was on the expressway and cars were whipping by me, but i crouched down and saw a large pipe that had come from the underside of my truck attached on one side, detached and laying on the road on the other side. i tried to move it but it wouldnt budge, it was either very very heavy or wedged. after looking, i didnt think it was the transmission any longer, so i got out my book and starting trying to figure out what it was. it was the driveshaft, just laying there. i knew it was going to be expensive to fix something like that and it was just after 5:pm on a saturday, so i would also be completely stranded wherever the tow truck left me in decatur. things were starting to feel very sour.

i got in my truck and starting writing, i didnt get very far when i saw the tow truck coming up on me. i put away the computer and got out to meet my new friend john. he confirmed that it was the driveshaft and when he looked at it he said that it appeared that it was only the universal. the universal sounds like a large important expensive thing to me, but it turns out not to be the case. it is a small part that allows the tires to move in one direction while the driveshaft moves in another, i think. he asked where he was towing me to, and i told him where the aaa lady told me to go. he scoffed at that place a little and told me it was expensive.

i asked if he knew a better place and then a glitter came in his eye. he asked if i wanted to get on the road quick and i said yes, he said that he could fix this problem of mine. and he could do it right now, we would tow the truck to his house. i figured, what else could go wrong/have i to lose, so i agreed. in the tow truck we started talking money. i was prepared for something like $300 but the figure he gave me was absolutely astonishing. $40 for labor. we would stop and buy the part on the way, it turned out to be $10. i was practically throwing in the pickup truck leg of this trip and john said he could get me back on the road tonight for $50.

once we got to his house, it was a different story. he had a large confederate flag on his porch, a couple of trailers in the yard, about five dogs, and one of those large kiddie pools that are for adults. he backed in and dropped the truck, and then started to get to work on it. i was impressed and felt that i was getting out of there in the next half hour. not so. he was working on it for about an hour and a half, pounding away with a hammer and yelling at his kids and wife to get him tools and other things. i was just sitting on a picnic table reading a book. i felt out of place.

and then the call came. see, he is an on call tow truck driver. he said that he was almost finished, and that he needed a tool anyway. he sent his wife to pick up his friend with the tool and he went on his call. i sat there on the bench until tyler came up. tyler is their oldest son, and he was a chatterbox. he wanted to know why i was in his yard, where his parents were, and all that jazz. i told him everything.

stuck in hillbilly nation, alone.

eventually his mom and the friend with the tool got back and the friend got under my truck and started saying that everything was done improperly. he thought i was johns friend, not his client. luckily john came back pretty quickly. the two of them got under the truck and in about a half hour were done with it. i was surprised and also a bit apprehensive. i didnt have the greatest faith in the job they did, but the new guy assured me that it would be good for 100,000 miles. i gave john $40 and drove off. it was nearing 9:pm, it was dark, i had no idea where i was and i was trying to figure out what to do.

i was hungry, and i didnt want to drive very far in the dark. but, overall, i was relieved that $50 and a five hour detour was all that became of my truck falling apart. i alternated between laughing hysterically at the situation i was in (at all the situations i have been in) and being thankful that i was on the road again. so i found a main road, calculated where i was and then got to the expressway again. i figured i would just drive to urbana champaign and find a place to park. the drive was uneventful. the engine was still loud, but no more jerking no more trembling. i was pretty apprehensive, waiting for the driveshaft to fall off again, but it didnt thankfully. i got to uc and just started weaving around looking for a good place to park and internet. i was having a hell of a time finding either.

eventually i gave up on the internet and found a nice place on a corner around a number of other cars. i park and jumped in back to start typing. and thats where the story should end, but nope. not this day.

i was back there for about ten minutes, just typing when i hear a knock on my door. a knock on my door is unlimitably more scary than a knock on the average home door. someone knew i was in here and i couldnt do anything about that. i answered the knock without opening the door. the guy asked if i was sleeping here and i said yes if that was okay with him. he said it was then walked away. after that i went back to typing and though nothing of it.

then about ten minutes later i heard someone read my license plate number out loud and then a bright light was shined onto the truck. fucking great, the cops. i was upset. the dummy that said he was okay with me sleeping here called the cops on me. at least he couldve told me so i couldve left, you know? its not like i wouldve put up a fight. so, i took down the draperies and opened the door. the cops asked me to get out, so i put on my shoes and jumped out. they ran my name and told me i couldnt sleep here. we bantered for a bit, and i did this because i wanted them to know that i wasnt intimidated. yes, i understand it is awkward that i live in a truck, but that doenst mean i am any less of a person or that i will shrivel in the beam of your maglight. i talked some shit to them about the guy who called them on me, told them some of my story. they said i couldnt sleep on the road, and maybe i should go to the rest stop on the expressway.

then they both also told me that if i parked somewhere else on the street and no one saw me that i could just sleep on some other street. i told them no duh, i wasnt trying to be seen just here, and i have only been caught once before but that guy was okay, i know not to let people see me. they gave back my license, apparently i am clean, and sent me on my way. i drove around for a while, trying to ditch them in case they would drive around the streets i was near and eventually i just parked to come finish this.

this is just the first day of the month that i think will be the hardest. we have a number of buttons to button.