i'm about to leave again; i knew i was leaving

when diane and i were out the other night we talked heartily of my new friend vaughnda. we certainly devoured and demolished the topic of our dates until they were barely recognizable. the happiness that came over me was visible and so i gushed everything i could. it was good, she gave me perspectives that i wouldnt have easily fallen upon and she gave me her opinion of some of the various ideas i had from the position of being a woman.

since i will be leaving soon and our face time would be short lived i needed to come up with some sweet things to do while i am away to let her know that i am still thinking of her. some of the things diane shot down, some she admitted would be sweet. at the time it was ambiguous if vaughnda and i would see one another again before i left.

she had come down with the sickness and needed time to rest and recuperate. i can be voracious and never ending but everyone knows i have to leave. even if no one wants it to happen, we all know it must. so i had made a mix cd for my friend and promised to lend her a book that i have been carting around since adolescence. if i werent able to see her again, how would these things come to be in her possession. i worked out some plans for that to happen, but it wasnt necessary in the end.

the ambiguity of our union dissolved throughout the day. through email messages and texts, we made plans to see each other again last night after she had gotten off work. so i had a day to prepare. i have been coming to this nice little coffee shop, just north of where i am staying, to write and relax each day. so i weathered some time there and then went back tot he apartment to shower and change. then i decided to be proactive.

my brother had given me this neat little video camera. i employed it a couple of times on my second date with vaughnda - while we were ice skating - but those videos came out rather choppy. they convey the fun and excitement but arent really pleasurable to watch. and since i had this thing and time, and i had promised my brother to use it, i started this new thing.

sitting in alex's bedroom i recorded my first "video blog." as of right now i dont know how people can view them aside from facebook, but i might start a youtube account or something if i keep going with them. so, in the dim room i sat and talked about my current state of mind and the oddity of video documentation versus writing. i like writing more, who wants to watch themselves fidget for words? i could just get a mirror and watch my face as i type. but these videos arent really for me, they are for my brother.

and with my first video completed i decided to jump right into video blog number two. there is a place in the city of chicago called the fireside bowl. i have driven past it each time i have gone to or from vaughndas apartment. in my youth, i went to this place at least once a month and for a spell i was going every weekend. but i didnt go for the bowling, i dont even think the lanes were ever open in those days. this place operated as an all ages punk club. and i was (or really wanted to be) punk.

the fireside bowl

so i drove to this place, paced in front of the building for ten minutes while i recorded some memories of my time there. it was fun, and funny - hilarious i daresay. it was a fun thing to do and i think i will like using it more as i continue these travels.

afterwards i went to a bar and finished the mix that i made for vaughnda. it was nearing the time that she would come meet me and i needed these things to be done should i not see her again before i left. when i finished up there, i headed back over to the black rock where she would be meeting me after she got off work. i had a drink there and just sat. i am getting tired of sitting in bars. half past six she showed up. it was similar to the first time i saw her walk through the door. i tried to look more casual than i was feeling as she came up and then i received a surprise.

she greeted me with a kiss. that was very sweet and unexpected. we sat at the bar while i finished my drink and talked. she had been very sick the night before i happy that she was risking her health a bit more to spend time with me. she wanted to see the hovel that i had been staying in, so i took her upstairs and walked her through the apartment. i felt a bit embarrassed because it was such a mess, but it isnt my place, it is just where i am staying.

then we went out for dinner. we sat at a small table and i was able to stare into her stunning blue eyes, i liked that. then we went back to her place and enjoyed each others company for the evening. i was happy. i did have to tell her that i read up about her birthday and her birthday was listed as an important date to me - a fatal attraction. we laughed about that for a bit. we laid together in bed for a long time, and eventually fell asleep together.

we woke up early and laid together longer. she was still feeling very sick and called off work, eventually i had to leave. as much as i enjoyed sitting there with her, she would be better served getting good rest so i wrenched myself together and away. i went back to the apartment and helped the guys working there for a little bit before setting off to my favorite coffee shop to contemplate my future. i have to leave here soon, there are still some people i would like to see, but i need to stop convincing myself to stay longer.