the best books of our lives are being written all the time

i do not even know where to begin. oftentimes i think this is all just a dream, that eventually i will awake and find myself alone in a cold bed with the covers all twisted around me. however, for right now, i will jut roll with this glowing enactment of life.

so, i left indiana and again i am embarked on my magnificent travel. when i left last time my intention was to get as far away as possible as a way to fuel the fires and get my head back in this game. my most recent leaving was quite the opposite. this time i drove just 40 miles away to the city of chicago. after coming up here the other night and not spending time with some longtime friends i felt it necessary to at least come up and see them.

vaughnda johnson, my new friend.

and, more poignantly, i wanted to spend more time with my new friend vaughnda. to that end, my first night in the city was devoted to spending time with her. i came up to the black rock, the bar alex works at hoping that he would be there already so i could retrieve a key for his apartment which i would be calling home. he wasnt there yet. so i sat down and had a beer. i needed a bit of time to reconcile my heart and my mind. see, i was nervous about seeing her again. our first date went so well for me i had to fight away the thoughts of disaster.

i just needed a little bit of time to convince myself that everything would be okay. some time and a beer, that was all i needed. so i had these things. alex showed up and we sat at the bar for a little bit hanging out. then vaughnda sent me her address, and enticed me to get over my fears with a bottle of wine. i left the bar and proceeded to get a little bit lost. eventually i found her street and parked.

i sat in the truck for a couple minutes, encouraging myself. i know that this seems a bit juvenile or maybe like overkill. but, i hadnt had a date as good as with her in a very long time and there was a chance of sullying that memory with this second date. there was also a chance to give it all wings. and i guess thats just what life is, a series of chances that we take or turn away from. i rung the bell. and nothing. so i rang it again. still nothing. it was very cold out and instead of being patient and waiting for an answer, i called her. luckily the bell was out of order and i wasnt rushing her out of the bathroom or something.

she opened the door and let me in and my eyes were reminded of just how cute she is, her smile lit up the entire room. and here i was, in her apartment, i felt like i might be a bit over my head, but squashed these thoughts as quickly as they came, eased my mind and just let things happen. she opened a bottle of wine, we sat on the couch. and we talked. it was easy and fulfilling. i was happy. every now and again we would stop to make out a little bit, but then keep on talking. and i think that is important. however, eventually the time for talking came to an end.

and i had a pretty good night.

in the morning the covers were twisted. to my delight, however, i was warm and not alone. we laid in bed for awhile, enjoying the morning. eventually we kept on with our date and went our for breakfast. she took me to a nice little vegan friendly cafe (it was reminiscent of something you would find in portland) and we had a nice meal and worked out some ideas for our day together.

we drove back to her apartment to drop off my truck and then we hit the cta. our destination was downtown - to the cultural center. it was a cold walk to the subway, and once we were on the subway we sat there. we didnt talk much on the subway, i think that was because of how loud it was, but i was also enjoying the time to review my thoughts and feelings over the last 12 hours. you know, to get myself onto a more organized page. we walked through an underground mall once we were downtown and then made it to the cultural center.

this place was an old library - very beautiful - that was set to be demolished but was saved from the wrecking ball and turned into a public place. they have various art installations in there, it looked as if people could just come hang out in the sitting room and apparently they have live music there frequently. we walked through the floors until we got to the third floor. this was a very ornate place with detailed tile work around the windows and arches, words carved into the limestone. and in the center was a stained glass dome. probably more that 15,000 pieces of glass melded together with lead. it was very well done. we milled about the room, enjoying the architecture and craftmanship. then we kept on up through the building.

there was an art show on the top floor, and we walked through that. there were a few pieces in there that i liked. but, more to my attention, was a locked door that revealed a ballroom just beyond. i wanted to go in there, because it looked amazing. i talked to the security guard and tried to get him to let us in, but he maintained that he didnt have a key. instead i chatted with him awhile about the art on the walls and he took me around showing me some of the pieces he liked and

a glimpse of happiness and the bean

admitted to not understanding most of it and not even knowing what some of it was supposed to be. he was a nice guy.

then we went down and found another stained glass dome and more art. one of the rooms overlooked millennium park and the ice skating area that had been set up out there. vaughnda wanted to go ice skating, and i was into it. in my life i have only been ice skating twice. once in portland with my friend jennifer shortly before i left on this trip and yesterday. the first time i was pretty poor at it and by the finish my ankles were very sore. this time i knew to tie those skates tighter and was better at keeping my blades perpendicular to the ice. better, but by no means great at it. we wobbled around the rink a few times before we became pretty comfortable.

this was a pretty nice thing to do. we got to hold hands while we whipped around the rink in the ice and the cold. a couple of times i wanted to whip around in front of her so we could kiss while we were skating. my technique does not allow for this possibility. my best attempt at it led me to skating backwards for a second or so (while holding on to a strange man) and then falling. we were there for quite awhile, the time just flew right on by. it was very enjoyable. afterwards, once we stopped moving, we were both cold and thirsty, so we tramped back to the subway and on to her apartment. once there we enjoyed a cup of tea and i talked to alex on the phone.

he had neglected to give me the key to his apartment the previous night, so i needed to meet him up before he left the city. he wanted help picking up a television and he was hungry for dinner. so were we. vaughnda and i left after the cup of tea to go meet alex at the bar and then quickly left again to retrieve this television. of course it was huge and on the top floor. vaughnda stayed by the car to watch the "valuables" while alex and i hefted this machine down the stairs. it took up the entire back area of the car so upon leaving we had to pile into the front. vaughnda was sitting on my lap and that was nice.

we went to a german restaurant. i had thought i had been to a german restaurant once in my life, but after eating there i am pretty sure i have never been to one. we had a nice dinner together, and everything was good. when alex and i were alone at the table i got the chance to ask him what he thought of vaughnda. and he echoed many of the things that have attracted me to her. it is nice to have a friend see the things you see. after the complimentary schnapps shot we were finished with this place. we were all a bit a tired, and alex dropped us off back at my truck. finally i retrieved the key to his apartment. vaughnda and i left quickly back to her apartment.

as i knew it must, our date was coming to an end. i really didnt want it to, but she - like much of the rest of humanity - lives in reality. she had to go back to work this morning. we sat and had another cup of tea and kissed for a little bit.

the sadness of parting

we talked some more and then just held each other. it was pretty much like heaven. i was a bit torn. i wouldve very much liked to have stayed there with her again, but i was also looking forward to some time by myself to process all of the wonderful things that i had been a part of.

upon leaving i was elated. the elation didnt come from leaving but from the memory of all the time we had together. and i did it. what i had always wanted too, i sang in the streets as i walked back to my truck. i didnt get to tap along and dance around lightpoles, but i did sing the few verses i could remember/cobble together from the fred astaire number "they cant take that away from me." i was happy and all traces of tiredness vanished from my body.

i went back to alexs and intended to go to the bar and have a couple of drinks, but i got caught up seeing my computer for the first time in a more than a day. it isnt much of a secret that i am addicted to internet. so i just started reviewing the things that have transpired while i was spending time on joy island. as it got later i lost any desire to go sit at the bar, especially by myself, so i resigned myself to reading. i plugged in the second space heater (it was there, might as well, right?) and within a few minutes the power went out. i had tripped the breaker.

that sucked. i used my flashlight to get around the apartment looking for the breaker box, and after not finding it i called alex. he informed me that i had to go to the bar and into the basement to flip the switch. this was not something i wanted to have to do. i was mentally prepared to sit in a room by myself all night and turning the switch to interact with people is not one that instantly responds. but i sucked it up, it was that or a room as good as being outside. i went downstairs and was told that goldy was in the basement and i should talk to him.

goldy is scary. he is the boss of the bar and i had absolutely no desire to converse with him. he already doesnt like me because of the last time i was here. but i was already down there and went to the basement to tell him. he grilled me for a moment about what was plugged in to trip the breaker and i told him that i had plugged in the second space heater. then he asked me if i was living up there. i told him that i was just staying for a couple of days, and then he made the lights work again and i walked away. although this whole chain of events lasted less than ten minutes, it was thoroughly exhausting and i wanted nothing more than to sleep after that. so i curled up and made that happen.

waking up i was alone in a cold room, the covers twisted around me. the dream was over.