departure from normalcy

on a serious note, this trip is really hard. many of the folks have responded to my trip in a sort of envious way and i have to bring them back down to earth a little bit, explaining that i live in a pickup truck. i have a good face that i use, the face that gets me through most of my life, shrugging and off and letting slide anything that is potentially harmful to happiness. i look at things with the brightest light that i can.

but, really, i will be happy when this thing is over and i can put it behind me. try to start some kind of life again. which will be equally scary and daunting...but maybe i will be in a place that has heat and running water. thats all i'm asking for. now - the departure from normalcy - i am back in valparaiso. i am staying at my parents house, sleeping in a bed and i have taken two showers in the last four days. talk about glory!

i dont really know when i last talked about my trip, i was in tennessee and then kentucky. then i busted into southern indiana, spent some time in bloomington, then indianapolis, then on to muncie. muncie was the most important stop ont he journey north from new orleans. there resides my sister tuesday.

i dont think i have talked mch about my sisters. and there is good reason for that - i dont know anything about them. when i left home, at 19, my sisters were 13 years old. there was a clear age discrepancy there. i was back in 2000-01 but they werent much older then...and i had my hands full partying.

so, i wanted to stop and see my sister, see where she lives and how she lives and just talk with her. i knew that i could do that when she comes back up here for the holidays, but it is different when you visit a person at their place and make that effort. and we wouldnt be surrounded by a bunch of people that hadnt see us or one another for a long time.

unfortunately, tuesday wasnt home when i got there. i waited for her at a bar while she drove from valparaiso back to muncie. when she got there, she didnt recognize me sitting at the bar. she sat against the wall and called my cell phone. once we found one another we sat there and talked for about a half hour. not very long, but still probably the longest conversation we had ever had with each other. and it was nice to just talk to her as an adult.

i told my other sister, becky, when i talked to her on the phone that i still think of her as 13/14 years old. i have never known these people as adults. so i tasked myself to learn something about them as adults and their lives. to be somewhat present. i want to be more present with all of my family, something that i never really thought about. but it isnt like people live forever and i have spent most of my life being selfish, living it for myself and not giving much thought to the people that have worked to support me unconditionally throughout my life.

true, i havent asked for much support but that doesnt mean it wasnt always there or frequently offered. so, it is nice to be here, to be present in the lives of my family and work on that more.

i got back on wednesday. no one was home at my parents house. so i made some phone calls, tried to turn on the tv but i broke it with my first touch of a button. then i gave up on that and read for awhile, waiting for folks to get back home. bobbie and i hung out for awhile until my dad came back and then we all went out for their regular wednesday night party.

whats more - much more than this - i did it my way

every wednesday they go to the local mexican restaurant - pepes - to hang out with their friends, drink copious amounts of alcohol, and sing karaoke. i went once when i was here earlier this year, it was fun. we were there for hours, drinking 32oz cups of beer, and sometimes doing shots. i pored over the karaoke books becuase i wanted to sing some bruce but again they had a poor selection. i sang "i'm on fire" but not very well. i went on to sing "my way" and "waterfalls" those went better.

growing up in this region i have many reasons to enjoy coming back. and i have a few reasons not to enjoy coming back. i like seeing some of the friends that have buckled down and created their own outposts here, i like seeing some of places i used to frequent or live and recalling memories that only come when i look at a certain place, or drive by someplace and let the flood come. although i have typed a number of starts to the reasons i dont like coming back here (and subsequently deleted them) i will just leave it here.