emergence decay (v3.0)

i have taken to looking at my trip (proposed at least) as a four part journey. each part is about 2.5 months long, there is someplace i am leaving at the beginning of each part - after having been there for a time. part one, clearly, was leaving portland. that lasted until i got to indiana. when i left there part two started. leaving richmond is the start of part three.

things were supposed to get easier and clearer as i moved on from place to place, distanced myself from the life that i had for so long and eventually swung back around to that life with a renewed vigor. after being in richmond i realized that how i was thinking about my life was very detached and i needed to find a way to ground it again. i need to find a place to start from.

traditionally, at least in my life, i go somewhere new and just start over but i am not sure i have that young energy anymore. i am not sure i believe that the entire world is open to me any longer, i am not sure that i can make it anywhere. i am not even sure i can make it now. anyway, this is starting to sound sad...and we all know that sadness is not something that is allowed.

so i left richmond this morning. a day later than i had planned and exactly two weeks after i had gotten there (exactly two weeks

the chesapeake bay/james river

to within 5 hours). muna and i made breakfast and chatted for a little bit i shared with her the story of when emily came to visit me in portland. she stayed there for almost a month and when she was leaving back to michigan i was ecstatic. not becuase i didnt like her around but because she was a visitor and normal life goes on hold a little bit when you have a visitor. i had looked forward to having some time to not entertain to just lay quiet in my bed or be alone for a minute, or just catch up on my chores and clean my room.

i dropped her off at the airport and went back home and got started on the rest of my life. an hour later she called me and told me she had missed her flight. i went back to get her but i was very mean about it. i kind of ignored her and went about as if she had left. it was mean and i felt bad about it. i tried to explain it to her later that night but words are such a poor vessel for the things we are thinking. and i dont know many of them.

anyway she left the next day but it wasnt the same. i kind of did the same thing to muna and the folks she lives with, but they werent mean to me. i planned to leave on monday but i was waiting for a package from emily in the mail and it didnt arrive until after 6pm so i decided to stay another night and just leave in the morning. it was nice. muna and i made some dinner (which was amazing) and were able to top it off with some dried tomatoes that emily had sent us. (these tomatoes were the ones that i had started from seed in a makeshift hothouse in my closet, it was nice to have some of them.)

then we played some connect four, a dice game, and cards. i was just one of those "nice nights at home." i woke up very early and was able to say goodbye to everyone in the house. it was sad to leave.

the night before, what was thought to be my last night, muna and i went to a pub down the hill from her house and drank a few pitchers, talking about life and stuff. it has been a long time since i enjoyed conversations like that. and while they are tough and i am pressed to admit things to myself that i would rather overlook, overall i was happy to have the talk. it reinforces that muna is a good friend and hopefully we keep up for a long time!

i left around 11am, gave muna the mix cd that i had made for her (and let me just say that it has been YEARS since i have made a mix cd...i spent a very long time working out the songs and the order, then listened to it twice, and made a nice case for it that featured my first attempt at sewing paper) and then she walked me to my truck, we hugged and i was off.

it was a strange feeling to be going again. it really hasnt been that long but more than a couple days and a pattern starts to emerge and comfortability sets in. i was driving and had to stop to read the map and i just sat there for a little bit. convincing myself that this course was the best to go on. it worked, and i took route 5 east towards williamsburg.

williamsburg is also near jamestown - the pilgrims and such (right, it was the pilgrims that landed at jamestown???). driving, i went straight to jamestown. i didnt really have anything else to do and it was a large park, i figured that it would be easy to sneak inside if it required a form of payment. i got there and went to the building, they did require a fee so i set off walking around the building to find a weak spot. instead of a weak spot i found a river.

my new collection

the james river empties into the chesapeake bay here at jamestown and i spent some time walking along th beach collecting beach glass! this is something i was introduced to by an old friend in indiana. when i was there (indiana) the two of us combed a beach on lake michigan and found maybe ten small pieces of beach glass. by the time i finished up combing this tiny beach i had an entire pocket full of glass. i was amazed how much there was. i do not have any reason to have it, but i do have it...and i will get more when i can. its fun.

then i walked back up to the building and saw the group entrance. people were entering and exiting that entrance freely (and there were very many groups) so i decided to give it a shot. how easy. i just walked in the door and then down a corridor and i was in jamestown. no fee required.

i walked to the interpretive areas first. a camp modeled after the local tribes (approximate) and that was neat. because there are a bunch of people that work there but are in full period dress doing things. i met a person that was making arrowheads and i gave him a few larger pieces of the beach glass so he can make them into arrowheads or just enjoy them. then i went to a basket maker and chatter her up for a bit. then i headed towards the ships.

there were three ships, replicas of the ones that sailed here in 1607 or whenever it was. there were folks on the ships dressed as shipmen explaining the ships and the quarters and such, all very interesting. i asking if i could climb the mast to the lookout, but i was told no. then i went to the fort at jamestown. i talked to some more period folks in there - including the blacksmith that was making period dishware. he explained that the fort is as authentic as possible, even the nails were made by him in the same fashion that a blacksmith would in the 1600's.

i walked around more and talked to various other folks. what i got from these people is that this isnt just a job to them. they love doing this stuff. i asked one guy if we wears his period dress when he leaves or if it is issued to him by jamestown and he has to turn it in each night. he looked at me and said "this isnt a costume to me. these clothes are comfortable to wear and protect me while i am doing this work. i do wear these clothes out of here, but that isnt too strange in williamsburg." (i would learn more about williamsburg later.) then i asked him about his sword.

later i found a lady that was making canoes out of trees by burning out the middle. awesome. she said that they start a fire and let it scorch the trunk, after it cools they use seashells to scrape the charred area off and then build another fire. it was pretty

i could do this job!

interesting. next i found a guy that was making cord. cord like i use for macrame! he showed me a really easy way to join the fibers of yucca into a durable cord. i didnt get it very quick, so he showed me again. i still wasnt able to do it, but i got the gist of what he was saying. what a great free place!

the last person i talked to was some random person who i wanted to talk with about some of the plants around there. i saw some bamboo and was pretty sure that it wasnt native, i also saw a persimmon tree and was surprised to see it grow here. he admitted that the bamboo isnt native and that they have been trying to get rid of it, but it is invasive. those were persimmons i saw, and then he went on about local botany. he talked about how the natives would use the various plants to cure or treat illness and disease and was chiding the colonizers for not taking more care to document the plants and their uses.

anyway, most of those plants - the real good ones - are probably extinct now anyway. he agreed with me on that point.

then i went to the museum area (i was getting tired by now) and walked through that quick and took off once i got through there. i was on to colonial williamsburg. there is a large area of the town that is basically a reenactment of the town in colonial times. employees flit about in period dress, there are horse and carriages for travel, and some demonstrations/street plays. i walked through this area amazed at all the folks doing thier "job" but really just acting like they are really from the period and interacting with the tourists. how fun.

i watched some of a street play and was doubly tired after walking through all of this place. then it started to rain a little bit, so i turned and started heading back to my truck. on the way i stopped at the colonial gardens where a tour was taking place and the gardener was explaining a number of different kinds of kale. i was leaving when he brought them over to the nasturtiums. i followed him and asked if he was going to give them flowers to eat, and he said no that he was going to give them seeds...which were better than the flowers!

i stayed and listened for awhile, watched where he gathered the seed from and then ate one. most of the people on the tour werent brave enough to try it, but i ate mine readily. it was good, but i do like the flowers more. then i got back to my truck.

oh, perhaps i should talk about how things are changing. well i am mulling over some things about my life. i am wavering on making a big decision the gist of it is this - should i stay or should i go? either way there will be trouble.