happy guy fawkes day!

well, shit. i had a tough day today. and, i guess, a tough night. since this is my journal and i have to write the things that have happened and how i reacted to them - you know, character development - i have to find a way to write these things. so...

1. last night, in facebook, i found my first girlfriend. melissa medrano. i have been trying to find her for the last ten years or so, all to no avail. i have employed some creepy methods but mostly just random internet searches. i did one of those last night and found her in jacksonville, florida! i was excited becasue i am headed that way (what a coincidence) so i asked her to be my friend and wrote her a mail.

2. i talked to emily for the first time in awhile last night. it wasnt the greatest conversation, in part becasue it was short and also because we actually talked about things. more happened than the words i will write here, as these words or my recollections and we all know that they are poor recollections. i put myself out there and told her that i wanted to have a kid when i got back there. this is something we had talked about before and even made a plan for, but then this happened. she told me that she is currently thinking that we shouldnt even move back in together when i get back. talk about a welcome home.

3. this morning muna and i had a long talk and she told me she was attracted to me. the conversation we had about that was very similar to the talks that emily and i would have. again, my words are poor and this is from my point of view. i said that i wasnt interested in pursuing a realtionship with her greater than friendship. currently i am unsure where we stand, but i hope that we can come out of this still being good friends.

4. instead of accepting my friend request, melissa blocked me. i swear that whatever i did to her does not deserve the shitty treatment that i am receiving. especially because it all happened 11 years ago when i was a young dumb kid. now i am just old and dumb. not a very good consolation prize.

this life...