childlike children, running, with wings on

well, now i am in bronxville. i guess i was in bronxville last time i updated, but now it is almost over. so, i went to gillards the other day to see rob. and that was surreal. many things have changed, but as many have not changed. the store looks different, but rob and his dad, bob, were still slinging cigarettes and lotto behind a tiny counter. i was a bit nervous to go in, as if that should be any surprise.

i sat on a bench across the street for awhile. it was the same bench that i would sit on 10 years ago. eventually i got enough courage up to walk in. i didnt really know what to expect, but i guess i never really do and i always have to just walk into some situation and make it be great. i stayed at gillards for a couple hours, chatting with the two of them about old times and new times. it was nice, it was easy.

and when things are easy that means that there was some great friendship or connection that existed and i appreciate that after years of being apart things can just fall back into place so easily. i wanted to get upstairs to the apartment that i stayed at, but that just wasnt possible. i left the store after awhile and walked over to sarah lawrence college. i remembered certain rocks that i sat on and poems that i wrote while sitting on them.

i was so young then, so open to experience, but i was also just as nervous about people as i am now. 10 years ago when i would go to slc i would be so frightened of the people there, and never actually talk to them. only once did i muster that kind of courage and i ended up in some girls dorm room listening to melt banana and ween. i was so fucking scared. and now, while i walked up there with the idea of finding something to do, i was just as terrified. perhaps a bit more bold, but terrified nevertheless.

i sat in the library for a bit and read and then went and found a place to park for the night. that wasnt hard, but i figured out in the morning that it was easy because it is illegal to be parked on the streets between 3-7 am. so i had a ticket in the morning. big deal. rob was busy on saturday and i was debating what to do. i convinced myself that i should just make the most of the time i had and instead of sitting in bronxvile bumming around for a day and a half waiting for rob to be free i would chase down some other old friends that exist in this part of the world.

i called up my old friend pete wojcik who recently moved from manhattan to brooklyn. i told him i was in town and that i had some time, if he was free i would come into brooklyn and hang out with him. he told me to get my ass out there. out there was also another friend of mine from high school, michelle levy. i emailed her my phone number hoping that she would call and i could see her as well.

she didnt, so i will profile my memory of her real quick. she was the best friend of my high school girlfriend. she always had a crush on my best friend steve, but i think my girlfriend at the time also had a crush on steve. the four of us would hang out endlessly at my house, in my room. we would do alot of drugs and just hang out. i lost touch with her when i left in 1999, the last i saw of her was at a show at the firesdie bowl in chicago, i dont know what year, but she was playing pool and i didnt even recognize her anymore.

pete

i got some directions to get to brooklyn and made in out there in about an hour, to see pete. here again, he is a person that i was very good friends with in high school and i lost touch with in 1999. in 1999 a whole old life of mine ended and a new one began. it is strange then that here i am in new york ten years later connecting the two. in 1997 or so pete got kicked out of his parents house and i asked my parents if he could stay with us, they said yes. i was surprised at that, or at least looking back on it i am surprised, but it probably seemed very natural and normal back then.

anyway, for his senior year of high school he lived at my house and my parents treated him like one of their own. of course, i dont remember any of this, these are the things he told me yesterday. but, my folks would buy him school supplies and put out an easter basket for him and were just great people to a person that was in a shitty situation. eventually pete would move in with my brother and for some reason that i dont know, we had a falling out. he joined the military and i left for new york. i think that was the last time i saw him, sometime in late 1998.

i love hearing these people from my past telling me their memories of me in their life, and especially the people that were more intertwined with my family. pete told me that when he came back on leave in 1999 he had on his dress uniform and went to my parents house to hang out with them. he said that he wanted my parents to be proud of him, he didnt care about his folks or what they thought of him, but my parents he wanted to impress or prove that he was doing well in life.

that was so touching to hear. i love my family, and i think we have a great relationship but it is sparse. and i certainly would like that to be different. listening to him talking about these things were moving. it made me feel good about myself but also where i come from and the people that i have known. i like to think that i am a good person, and i like to think that the people who raised me are good people, and this positive reinforcement is awesome. especially because it is so genuine.

anyway, so i got to brooklyn and pete was outside waiting for me. he looked similar to what i remember he, except now he had a pit bull. we embraced and then i had to repark my truck because i did a piss poor job the first time. its funny, because the same thing happened when i got to san diego to see ricky smith, he was waiting for me and i parked horribly. thats joy, i guess.

we went inside and i met his partner and housemate. both nice girls from michigan. we sat in there chatting and catching up for an hour or so and then we decided to go walk around brooklyn and have a drink somewhere. well, pete has only been in brooklyn for a couple of weeks so our first attempt to find the bar consisted of about a mile loop where we inadvertantly walked in a circle back to his apartment. we stopped there for some water and then persevered and went back out into the world.

this time we found the right track, but the bar we were looking for was about an hour walk from the apartment. it was a good walk, it was nice out, on the verge of rain and a bit chilly but walking made up for the chill. when we got to the bar, instead of going in we walked on to a park a couple of blocks up from it. we had the dog with us and went towards this bar because dogs were allowed inside. apparently, the look of the place wasnt the same as pete remembered and he didnt want to go there any longer.

so we continued walking until we got pretty lost in brooklyn. i was tired, and was really looking forward to having a beer. so we decided to walk back toward the apartment and find a bar around there. since we didnt really know where we were it was hard to know if we were going the right way. it turned out that we were, after phoning a friend to pinpoint us and confirm our direction. but we had also gone far out of our way and walked for a long time to get back to his place. it total we walked for about four hours all throughout brooklyn.

and it was nice, if i were alone in a place this is what i would do anyway, but i would never come to a place this big. when we got back all i wanted was a beer. he had been promising me one all day, and now i wouldnt take no for an answer. so we decided to go to this place down the street that had a good happy hour, but i thought we would go sit there and drink, he just wanted to go buy beer and come back. and my wheels started turning.

becasue, i had beer and whiskey in my truck. no walking 8 blocks there and back to buy some beer. i went to the truck and got together my supplies, to begin the second most crazy drinking night of my trip so far. i had 11 beers and a fifth of whiskey. there were three of us. pete was making ribs for dinner, so we had some beers and some shots of whiskey. quickly the beer ran out and we were then just drinking whiskey. i am not a big whiskey drinker, i am just learning how to enjoy it on this trip, and i am getting there.

we started drinking bigger and bigger shots of whiskey from teacups. it was ridiculous. just before the ribs were done, and after drinking awhile i took a shower. when i got out of the shower, it was time to eat. i had two of the ribs. they were tough, but good and i enjoyed them. i kept dropping them of my shirt, when i finished i had to go out and change my shirt. before the night was over i would have to change all of my clothes. when i came back in we drank more whiskey.

and we were all talking, sharing stories and getting to know each other again. i felt so comfortable there, i was happy. right now is a great time for me to be alive, i am happy that i didnt die when i was 26. (becasue when i was 19 i had a premonition that i would, that steve would stab me in the back on a cliff somewhere. it was a dream that didnt come true. fyi.) then we went outside to smoke some cigarettes and i was having some crazy double vision. i was wasted. it was about 9 o'clock. i went to sit down in a chair but missed the mark and almost fell over.

then, sitting in the chair, i was passing out and really wanted to puke. after a few minutes in went to the yard and sat down on the concrete. i tried to puke but nothing was happening. i felt kind of pathetic. i probably looked pathetic also. while leaning against the fence, the puking came. i wasnt able to double over quick enough and ended up getting a fair amount of my first puking on my pants. what was nice was that as soon as i started puking pete did the same. i remember saying to him that i appreciated that he was a sympathetic puker. i am one also.

sorry, but this is my vomit.

after puking four or fives times, i got some water and washed out my beard. that was disgusting. then i changed my pants and came back to drink more water. then i went and puked again. i was still having double vision and not feeling the greatest. i just wanted to walk around, try to walk it off, but my feet were so tired from walking all day. so, i climbed the fire escape. pete came out looking for me and was talking to the backyard but i was halfway up the fire escape. he was looking for me and i found it so funny that he didnt know where i was.

then i figured that it was probably stupid to be climbing this ladder when i can barely stand up, so i came down and paced around the yard for awhile. pete was inside pouring shots of absinthe for us. i came back in and he tried to give me a shot but i told him that had to wait at least an hour. i was feeling like shit and just wanted to lay down, so i told them i would be back in a couple minutes and went to lay down in my truck.

needless to say, i didnt come back. i woke up around 3 in the morning and debated going back inside, but i was comfortable and still felt a bit shitty, so i just kept sleeping. i woke up again at 7 in the morning and felt i should get up becasue pete would be leaving for work soon and i would need to get back inside the apartment to gather my things. but i decided against it. around 10 i was up again and made myself some soup. then i just laid there for another hour. i actually got out of my truck around 11 and tried to gain entry to the apartment.

no luck. i called pete but his phone went straight to voicemail. i didnt have numbers for his girlfriend or housemate, so i walked around the block hoping there was an alley or something so i could get in the backyard. no luck. so i starting texting and calling old friends from high school that were still good friends with pete to try to get the phone number of his housemate. she was drinking with us all night (all night being about 9:30 for me) so i knew she would be inside. that was ridiculous.

eventually pete called me and got me back inside. i sat talking with his girlfriend, ann, for awhile. she made me some tea and then some french toast. what a nice person. around 1 in the afternoon i decided that i should head back to bronxville. i gathered my things, but there wasnt much left: my backpack, an empty cooler and about an inch of whiskey left in the fifth. i planned to go to the library and chill out for awhile, read and use the internet, until my dinner date with rob and his wife. i got lost on the way back and my truck starting making some noises that i didnt like at all and i was just feeling like shit. but i made it back and went to the library. it was nice to be inside and chill out for awhile.

when the library closed, around 5, i called rob and the three of us went out to a nice dinner at a local restaurant. that was nice. robs wife, lisa, is a real nice person and i think they work together well. of course, i only saw them out with friends, but still. i am happy for their happiness. we got to really catch up and chat about life. it was sad to hear that the store isnt doing very well and that rob is pretty much trapped in the business. but his art is doing great and he has been able to travel and just have a real life. i cant wait for him to really be able to break away from that place and realize his potential.

now, i am starting to feel normal again and am looking forward to getting going again. i know i have only been here a few days, i would like to spend more, especially hanging out with pete in the city, but i did some route planning today and the future is bleak. i looked at where i am and to where i want to go and there is just so much space in between, it is daunting. i had hoped to be able to bypass philadelphia, but i pretty much have to go right to it to get to baltimore. so i might as well stop in and see my people there.

if i can make it to baltimore by the 24th i should be good to make it to richmond by the 1st and everything will be back on track. the second set of tracks.