always leaving, always returning

this trip i am on is absolutely amazing. the people that i am reconnecting with are some of the best people and perhaps i never before realized how lucky i am to have so many good people come in and out of my life over the years. i am always amazed at how much these wonderful people appreciate me, and something i am trying to learn is that these wonderful people generally think that i am on par with them.

i left colorado springs today. there was no real impetus, but i was out yesterday and felt that my exploring was done and i was getting into a pretty good routine/life. i felt always welcome where i was staying and it was just getting too comfortable. i dont want to get myself confused. so last night i told frances and travis that i was going to leave today.

and, to my surprise, they were surprised. leaving is always hard. they both reminded me that i could stay as long as i wanted, but i felt that my stay there was coming to an end. they each have their own lives that need to be lived and things they need to accomplish, so i made the decision.

i was only planning to travel to denver, 60 miles away, so it wasnt like i had a place to be or a thing to accomplish. this morning i woke up at 10:am and frances was preparing to leave for a play date with spencer at the library. i wanted to do laundry and she said that was fine, travis was still sleeping. so she left and i gathered my satchel of laundry and proceeded. i am amazed how little laundry i have, one load every two weeks or so. and that is with being relatively clean.

so i got that underway, shortly travis awoke and we both engrossed ourselves in reading. i was reading for pleasure, he for work. when the laundry was done we went to have some lunch. that was interrupted by frances returning and needing help writing an article, so we got it to go and went back to the house. we sat there until about 4, she typing her article, me and travis each reading the new yorker.

i didnt know what i was waiting for, all my bags were packed and although i wasnt going far i still needed to leave. awkwardly i announced that i was leaving. we had a couple minutes of goodbyes, some hugs and then some more conversation about my future. then i left. frances gave me a last hug and kissed my cheek. i was sad to go. these are great people and i could just stay there forever and always be surrounded by wonderful people. the typical "what am i doing with my life" drama played in my head. but i drove on.

i got on the expressway for only the third time on this trip. and that was dumb. apparently it is fourth of july weekend and 4:pm on a friday. so i got off at the nearest two lane highway that took me to denver. the sky darkened and it rained, i continued to drive on. i was amazed when denver first came into my view. i had no idea it was such a large city! it felt like i was driving up on chicago or something, but maybe it was becasue there was absolutely nothing around and this large city just grows like a tumor out the side of a mountain.

and, an interesting side note. while i was staying with frances she offered me a book called lost highways. yesterday i started reading it, and the first couple pages were amazing! the author was having trouble with his relationship, then laid off from his job, so he decided to travel the country living in his van. the first four pages or so were his plight, his plan, and a diagram of his truck. i though that it was going to be awesome, but 30 pages into it, it wasnt. it was written way too academically for an adventure story and it happened in the late 70's early 80's so it was unrealistic to today.