the rainbow gathering

day 1: "welcome home"
well, i left durango early in the morning and set off on a course due south. on highway 550. my intention was to drive 50 miles or so and stop for the night, then tomorrow drive the rest of the way to cuba new mexico - the nearest town to the gathering. well, i made it to my first stop, farmington, before anything really even opened and i just blew right through there.

i did that a lot in california, but something enticed me to drive on. i had a place to be - home. home, of course, is what the rainbow family calls the gatherings, the most popular sayings are "welcome home," "we love you," and probably "wheres the weed." that last one is made up, but i am sure some variation of it is espoused quite frequently.

so, i got to cuba and it was a tiny town. i drove through it, then back, then halfway through it again to the visitors center. i stopped there and ate some lunch i had purchased in durango, then left and found some wireless. i wanted to have one last shot at the internet before i embarked up the mountain. after that i went back to the visitors center and talked with them a bit. they had a big sign out front with information on the gathering and many local businesses had welcome signs for the gathering.

i took some info, and then went to the market. at the time, i was preparing myself for not leaving the gathering until it was over. which would spell 13 days up here. anyway, after the market i pumped myself up and turned down road 126 which led to the gathering. the first thing i saw was a hitchhiker. i assumed he was headed to the gathering and i needed some interaction that wasnt all internal to calm me down. i am pretty sure having him in the truck was the first time someone had been in here since rubin. crazy.

so, i pulled over, unlocked the door, asked if he was headed to gathering, moved all my stuff, and he hopped in. his name was breeze, he was older and had a prosthetic eye. he took it out for me, i asked him to. he chatted me up the mountain for 26 miles or so and we were there. a huge banner that read "welcome home" was strung between some trees and a nice person at the entrance gave me some direction now that i was here.

first off, it wasnt what i had expected. what i imagined was pulling up to a large meadow and parking in a sea of cars, while people steamed around me on all sides into this giant drum circle or something. everything was pretty calm. i was directed down this road and told to go about two miles more to a parking area, or if there were spots along the road, i could snatch them, but only on the left side. and all four wheels had to be off the road or the forest service would tow your car.

i was driving along, and first we came to "a" camp. a camp is generally the camp closest to the main entrance and it is where people that want to drink alcohol camp. the main meadow and other camps frown on drinking, so this is the scarlet letter camp. i drove on and next came to bus village. you guessed it, bus village is where all the busses pull in to park and camp. we stopped again to chat with someone and breeze got out there. the person here said that i should just keep going and only park in the parking lot.

i drove away and shortly after found an open space on the side of the road. i took it. i pulled in and got out, made sure all my wheels were off the road, then i turned off the truck and got out. so, now i am alone 9,000 feet up a mountain, and i have no idea where to go. i lock up my truck and tidy things up, then i set off. i walk back towards bus village and try to talk to the guy again, but he is busy with someone else. so i stand around, looking like a fool for a few moments, then walk on down the road.

shortly i am met by a group of folks coming up a hill and a lady asks me to help carry some stuff to their camp, i oblige. i ask where we are headed, and she said some camp name. then she gave me the info i was looking for. where they had come up from is a good path to get to the main meadow. instead of turning around and going to a known entrance to the gathering, i walk on down the road. i can hear some yelling and other human sounds so, i look for a decent path down and take it.

a small bit after leaving the road, i realized how dumb that was. there was no one else around and i had no idea where i was going, and the yelling had stopped. i trudged on. i saw a tent up ahead a fair bit and shortly after that a very narrow path. i walked on by the tent and and turned towards where i thought the meadow would be. eventually i was lost. i was in a small meadow with some cows and they were very scared of me, they kept running back from me, so i walked around them.

i took the long way and eventually found another path-ish area and walked on. now i could neither hear nor see any human things, so got a bit nervous, thought about walking back, but then i saw a water line! i followed that and came to a kitchen, where i was asked how to get to the main meadow. i was pretty far away from it and he gave me a general direction. not long after losing sight of him i was lost again. i ended up going in the complete wrong direction and luckily ran into someone walking toward the main meadow. i fell in line.

the only problem was that he also didnt really know how to get there, but he had been there before, so he was better off than me. we found more signs of people and continued asking, people kept redirecting us in the right direction and eventually we got there. and that was what i was expecting. it was a huge meadow with a bunch of kitchens and tents set up along the edges of it. there werent very many people, however. we walked along and parted ways after a bit.

i was then satisfied that i knew where the meadow was, now i had to find my truck again. i walked around the meadow more and asked around for which path would lead me back to the road. i was pointed to one and i took it. it wound around a bit and i got lost, but now there were plenty of campsites around and people to point me in the proper direction. i asked without hesitation and found myself popping out of the road at bus village. right where i shouldve dropped in in the first place. things were going alright.

i found my truck very easily, went to it and made some sandwiches and sat outside it reading. it was nice, i talked to everyone that walked by and was able to offer some insight as to where they were headed and where things were. then it started to rain. so i jumped in the back of my truck and finished my book. i was back there for awhile and enjoyed watching people and listening to people without having to interact.

once i was done, i popped out and headed back down towards main meadow. again, i meandered about for awhile, seeing the people, the tents, the groove of it all. there was a person playing the guitar and singling well right in the middle, i walked over to there and sat and listened for a couple songs, then everyone started leaving and formed a large, very large, circle. there was an outside circle and an inside circle that faced each other, i didnt know what was going on, so i sat down.

what i participated in was "main circle" where all the kitchens bring a dish and they go in between the inside and outside circle dishing out food. but first. first we listened to some announcements and stuff, then we all stood up held hands and commenced a group "om." really, not my thing. but, i was there and participated in it, part of this journey is that i dont know what my thing is, so i have to experience different things and then know what my thing isn't to deduce the field of what my thing is, eventually to one.

after the om, some folks started carting by with food, and we ate. it wasnt very good food, but it was free food. i sat in the circle until it was mostly broken and then got up. i still didnt have anything to do, so i walked around some more and then headed toward my truck. i got in and started typing away, and then i started hearing some commotion outside. a rainbow posse was gearing up to go dismantle "pirate camp."

the reason, was becasue they apparently had two kegs of beer and were sharing it with "the family." these family members werent too pleased that drinking was happening outside of a camp, so they posse'd up and headed off. i stopped typing and joined them. however, my main reason was to have a cup of beer, not necessarily to help dismantle the camp.

pirate camp, was derelict. wait, back up. the family folks werent only upset that a kegger was being thrown in the name of the family, but the night previous someone was stabbed at pirate camp and the camp had already been asked to dismantle themselves and leave. the family doesnt like to have blood spilt.

so, i was walking and eventually came up to the posse. it wasnt very big and they were holding people back until more folks arrived. i wanted to go up and have a beer, so i tried to press on. i was asked to wait again, so i did. then four of the posse went to do some scouting, i tagged along. we got to pirate camp and it was derelict.

as we were rolling up, a car was coming up as well and i stopped the car. he didnt know why, but i had seen a pirate camper passed out in the ditch with his feet hanging onto the road. he was on the opposite side of the road we were walking on, and the car saw us so was driving far to the drunkard side and didnt see him. i think i saved someones legs. there were only like five people in the camp, and no kegs to be seen. i was disappointed and wanted to turn and leave then.

but i didnt, i stuck around for about fifteen minutes. i overheard some folks talking by the fire and i thought i misheard them so i walked up and asked "did you just say that dog ate someones cat?" and it was true. just before we had gotten up there, one of the campers dogs saw a cat and snatched it and killed it. i dont know if he ate the cat, but the cat was dead and that was sad. a stabbing, a dead cat, and drunks passed out in the street. clearly this camp wasnt in line with the family values.

there were some discussions going on, but things seemed to have died down so i pushed off. i got back to my truck and it was just dark at that time, so i changed into some pants and walked back to main meadow. i was told there would be a drum circle and fire dancers. a drum circle i could hear. so i went to see some fire dancers. once down there it was pitch black and i was employing my flashlight. the meadow was mostly empty, and the drumming was coming from a camp across the way so i made my way over to it, but it was kind of lame. there were only three drummers and one wasnt very good. there wasnt any fire dancing, and i was kind of tired.

so i walked back up to my truck and am preparing for sleepy time now. some notes fo far: i really need to poop. there are shitters dug out and tarped off, but i am nervous to go into one, because i think i am going to be squatting next to someone else pooping in a little ditch. that does not sound appealing. and, do i need to bring my own paper? but, the other option is driving 26 miles to town to poop. in the morning i will probably use a shitter and be the better for it.

day 2: "summoning my inner hippie"
when i was a kid, say age 13-16 i was a hippie. no doubt about it. i had long hair and listened to all sorts of classic rock, but was specifically inspired by woodstock. all the bands that played there, it became my personal duty to find out all about them and love their music. arlo guthrie, country joe and the fish, joan baez, ritchie havens, jimi hendrix, jefferson airplane, crosby stills and nash, paul butterfield, santana, ten years after, and yes, the grateful dead.

i wanted nothing more than to go back and be part of that festival. i am sure some of it was that there was so much nudity and a strong sexual atmosphere...which to a 14 year old is mecca.

i had the extended box set of music, owned and watched religiously the woodstock movie. at one point i could tell you everything you wanted to know about the festival. i even begged my dad to let me go to the 1994 reunion, and when he said no i bought it on pay-per-view without asking. that was my rebellion. it is embarassing. but i grew out of that. i dont think i grew out of the ideas, but the methods, the free love hippie spirit, never really fit me and with time it shed. i grew into the beautiful butterfly i am today.

coming here, i thought that i would be -in a way- experiencing what it was like at that woodstock festival. but, so far, i havent. maybe because there is still a fair amount of time before the thing actually starts, but also, maybe, because it doesnt exist.

today, i walked around and said hi to everyone i saw, but i just dont fit in. i dont have that gregarious nature to just run up to folks and chat about nothing. i am not a pothead, and i dont smoke cigarettes. i could hang out at a camp and drink with the drunkards, but those folks are kind of ostracized as it is. and i want to fit in. i want to get the most out of this experience, but so far i am not getting much.

i want to stay until the thing actually starts, but i dont know if i can do that. that is another week away. on a more positive note, i found and used a shitter today! yay! it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be, a hole in the ground with a bucket over it. you squat over the bucket and it your poo goes. it is wierd to have someone walk up on you while youa re wiping your ass though. those are moments that are best kept private, i think.

day 3: "i am not part of the rainbow family of living light"
i believe i am done here. i am just not part of this family. i dont even think that this family even exists any longer. my experiences over the past few days, while not bad, dont shine a happy hippy light on this gathering. first and foremost, its the people.

i was expecting a bunch of shiny happy hippies. i know expectations are only built to be crumbled, but that was mine. it is my fault for coming in with one, but there was adequate buildup in my mind that didnt really allow me another choice. so, as you can gather, i was not met with a happy group of shining hippies. the people here fall into about three categories. 1. old hippies that keep to themselves. 2. crusty punks. 3. bros.

and in reverse order they are the worst. the bros are horrible, and the majority of folks that i see. these arent abercrombie and fitch bros, these are dreadlocked, dirty, misogynist, on-the-lookout for drugs and pussy bros. and it is really annoying. to hear guys just yelling across the meadow "sparejuana" or "pussy" or listening to the groups of guys talk to each other, calling each other fags or saying things like "a girl could do that better than you." it wears me down.

then theres the crusty punks. these are people that at one point in my life i identified with and wanted to emulate. i never identified as a bro. the crusty punks, dont give a shit about anything. they are only out to break the rules. so, the majority of them arent helping to do anything, and are drunk most of the time. the crusty punks were the surveyors of pirate camp, where a kitten was eaten, a person was stabbed, and a keg party was supposedly thrown.

the older hippies, i dont have anything against them, they just arent up to being all inclusive any longer. it seems that they shy away from the bros and crusty folks and just hang out in their camps chatting with each other about the old days. they are probably the driving force for things like the main circle and the ideas of this place, of this idea.

the rainbow family is called such because it is all inclusive, no one is ostracized so long as they are part of the family. however, being all inclusive does not mean that oil will mix with water. everyone can come here, but there are still very clear divides among people and there doesnt seem to be any ongoing work to break those down. even if there were, i am not sure it would make a difference. the bros arent going to all of a sudden stop being bros because of this experience, most of them are here because their attitude affords them more delight in this realm.

the crusty punks arent going to change. they are here to take advantage of the things that are offered for free. and everything here is free. you just have to not give a shit and take what you want. they have stations where you can go and get high for free, someone walks around handing out free cigarettes, food is free, coffee and water are free. and you can just be here and not do anything and still get everything.

so, i have had a hard time finding a place. and because of that i dont feel entirely welcome. my placial hardships are, in part, my own fault. i dont smoke cigarettes. the majority of people here do and they bond over that, they pass cigarettes like joints and use smoking as a social tool. i dont smoke pot. much the same as cigarettes, except more institutionalized. at main circle there is a person that comes around and asks "who hasnt smoked marijuana today" and if you raise your hand he ostracizes you. kind of makes fun of you for being so lame and then invites you to the 420 station after main circle to smoke out with them.

this morning, i walked down to main meadow and was on the lookout for some breakfast, but i was up pretty early so i just sat and read my book, waiting for something to happen. luckily i got to hear to morning crows of the rainbow family. all around me, almost nonstop, was a chorus of coughing. from waking up and smoking (pot or cigarettes) or just waking up and hacking from the aforementioned. and after that people would call out "coffee" and some kitchen would reply "coffee." and then eventually the person yelling would make it over to said kitchen and partake.

basically, this is a drug haven. the bonds people make are over drug and drug induced and that isnt what i want. not at all. i do not feel that i need drugs in my system to have a good time or to exist or to be functional and, unfortunately, i despise those that do. i look down upon them. and i feel bad about it.

but because of that, i have a hard time to just tell random people "i love you" or more common "luvin you," because if it comes out of my mouth it is a lie, and not very well covered. i dont love these people. i dont love this gathering. and despite everyone welcoming me home, this is not my home. i do not live here, and i do not want to.

some other notes:

yesterday at main circle there was a double rainbow and people were overjoyed by it. even i was amazed by its vividness and beauty. it was raining all around us and a small patch of sky opened up, right where the sun was, and just formed these two very bright rainbows. at that moment i was happy to be here.

dogs. i am not a dog person. at all. i would venture a guess that for every 5 people here, there is 1 dog. the estimate is that there were 1700 people here last night (it seems high to me, i have only seen about 400 or so at the main circles...but apparently most people dont come out for main circle). i have seen at least 100 different dogs running around. most of them run free and shit freely and cause a whole lot of problems. a lot of them fight with each other, violently. cats are not safe. children, i would suppose, are not safe. and the health of the people is in jeopardy. the dogs shit everywhere, most of the time it is not picked up, dogs eat other dogs shit, children fall in it, dogs eat out of the same bowls as their humans, dogs lick their humans, dogs eat other dogs shit. it is disgusting to me, and i think i would find this place more enjoyable if there werent so many dogs running, and barking, and fighting.

i am sleeping great up here. it is the darkest night i think i have ever seen, and there are no lights around me at all. it is wonderful. it isnt cold in my truck and i dont have any fear about being woken and forced to move.

for future reference, my map of the area. i am parked on forest road 70 headed west. i walk about 50 yards east to bus village, and i can drop down into a main trail. i am going south now and just past bus village i hit a kitchen. i havent discerned their name yet. then i walk down the trail about 1/8 mile (steep) and come upon an atv trail/another main trail. if i head west i will hit the magic bowl kitchen and then main meadow. the shitter that i used belonged to the magic bowl. if i head east i will hit milliways kitchen, kickapoo kitchen, and eventually cuddle country - a clothing optional camping area. i generally head toward main meadow.

once there i will be looking south and directly across from my is the tent where the drum circle was the first night. looking east, i will see another trail that heads up and i think that leads to bread of life kitchen. further east is the visitor information/lost and found. (the lost and found has a subtitle "there is no such thing as a groundscore" but, i have seen quite a few people claim groundscores.) and just east of that is kid village. to my immediate west is camp nothing, then camp pit stop. i beleive this is where nic at night stays. there is trail that leads into the forest and around the main meadow. i didnt explore well enough to find what the names of those places were.

candy. i like candy as much as the next person, but here, i figured it would be something of an afterthought, or even frowned upon as an artifact of babylon. but not so. candy is just another drug that these people use. at main circle, people toss out wrapped candy as if you were at a parade. however, they dont call it candy. the call it zu-zu. i dont know why. but, tootsie rolls, bubble gum, chicklets, snickers bars, and the likes. to me it is just another hypocrisy.

the meadow is huge i would guess 50 yards by 400 yards. from the meadow i have been told that people are camped and have kitchens set up as far out as 3 miles.

the cops are in full force. there arent any city of cuba cops, but the forest service does a constant loop around forest road 70. there are mounted forest service cops that come through the main meadow twice a day. oftentimes the crustys or bros will start yelling "pigs on horses" but the older hippie folks will go talk to them and pet the horses. its a wierd mix. i am generally for the petting of horses part, because the cops on horses dont seem to be trying to start anything, they are generally very friendly people that may even support the rainbow gathering. but the detritus yells at them and makes a statement that the rainbow family accepts all people except cops. which i dont think would be an "official" statement from the family. quite the opposite.

day 4: "back in babylon"
i figured that i would leave yesterday, i wrote like i would and i was prepared to. but for some reason i couldnt bring myself to do it. instead i sat in my truck most of the day, it was raining, but that wasnt the primary reason. i just didnt really want to go back down there, there being the main meadow. i wasnt feeling it. so i sat and read all day long. when the conch sounded for main circle i finished up my chapter and headed on down to eat.

i got down there with plenty of time to spare. it seems that with all of these people, all of this oil and water, the traditions of the rainbow family are getting a bit lost and it took a long time for people to gravitate to the circle. while waiting, those that were already at the circle were able to enjoy a viscious dogfight where one dog lost an eye. thanks family.

one thing that is great about this gathering is the food! for main circle all the kitchens bring food down and distribute it. and they make some good food, and there is alot of it.

after eating, i promptly returned to the confines of my truck. i had convinced myself that once it was dark i would go down to the main meadow and find a party and enjoy myself. however, it starting raining more and harder and eventually i fell asleep to the gentle pounding of the rain. this was the first time i had really experienced rain since before i left portland, it was nice. also, my trucks weatherproofing held up beautifully.

this morning i got up and again didnt want to leave my truck. i also couldnt force myself to just leave. i had it in my mind to hitch a ride down to babylon and enjoy the offerings of the city for the day then come back up and try to make it until the gathering actually started. i didnt make it. i just sat and sat in the back of my truck, reading. and wanting to leave, needing to leave. i made breakfast and ate it in my truck, i didnt want to leave.

but then, amazingly, i roused myself. i got dressed and got out. or some combination thereof. i got in the cab of my truck for the first time since i parked it and fired it up. i was leaving. a few more forces from my mind and i released the parking brake and engaged the vehicle. i was heading west on forest road 70, heading to babylon, really going home. but then disaster struck.

not to me, but i was driving on this one way, the way out, and eventually iw as stopped. apparently a family member decided to disregard the idea of driving slow on the small compacted dirt forest road and had rolled off the road and blocked the way out. the driver of the rv asked the family for help, but since they had put other family members in jeopardy there was no help from the family. instead, they called the cops. and it would be awhile before this was sorted out. so, now i was on a one way compacted dirt forest road pointed in the wrong direction.

i got some folks to help me, and eventually i was able to turn around. going the wrong way on a one way forest road for the next 18 miles or so. great. but eventually i made it out. it was slow going, having to pull over for oncoming traffic, going 15-20 miles per hour.

towards to bottom, i saw that the us marshalls (i dont know what function they serve) had set up their own little camp and a number of them were guffawing with each other. shortly after that i saw that the forest service had set up a checkpoint to turn onto the forest road heading up to the gathering. i was glad that i was leaving. after being blocked in and thinking that i might not be able to leave, and then seeing the militarization that was mounting at the bottom, coupled with not really fitting in anyway, i knew i shouldnt be there.

it was a nice couple of days, i enjoyed the weather and relative isolation, but really i need something with a bit more organization. and a strong foundation of people that i trust.